Second Guess Your Heart
by poeticgrace
Summary: After Finn Hudson loses his wife, he turns to his former best friend, Noah Puckerman, to help him put back together the pieces of his life. AU.
1. Chapter 1

Puck hadn't spoken to him in years when the call came. Puck was sitting behind the wheel of his jeep at a stoplight, waiting for the idle mid-afternoon traffic to surge ahead, when he heard his phone blaring somewhere from the backseat. He waited until he was through the intersection before pulling into an empty parking lot so he could scrounge around on the floorboard in search of the device. There would have been a time when would have left one hand on the wheel to reach behind him for his phone, but that was before he'd spent the last several years leaving most of those bad habits behind.

It had been at least a decade since he had last been back to Lima, Ohio. He wasn't the self-professed badass that had ruled the halls of William McKinley High School with an iron fist and false bravado. Long gone was the ridiculous Mohawk that had defined his adolescence. He hadn't worn a lettermen jacket in years. All of those bad boy traits that had made girls swoon, boys admire, mothers fear and fathers anger weren't part of his personality anymore. He didn't have to worry that another arrest would give his own mother high blood pressure. He simply wasn't that guy anymore.

Instead, he was a responsible lieutenant colonel in the United States Army who'd spent the better part of the last ten years commanding forces in various parts of the Arabian Peninsula in a vain attempt to avoid confronting his past. It was easy in the desert. Okay, so maybe it wasn't exactly simple, but Puck knew the way that it worked. He liked the Army life. Even more than that, he was good at it. It suited him well, and he had built a strong and respected career on his merits alone. No one cared about who he used to be in the Army. They just cared about how quickly he could put a troop together, how accurate he was in target shooting, how well he could keep a secret.

His mother hadn't exactly been thrilled when he had signed up for the Army immediately after graduation, but it was the best option for him at the time. He had figured that he'd do a quick four years and then maybe go to college on the GI Bill. It was really the only way for a guy like him. He didn't have the grades for a scholarship and his mom didn't have the checkbook for tuition. It only took him six months to know that was where he belonged. His mother had cried the night he called to tell her that he reenlisted, but he knew that they were tears of pride rather than fear this time around. She was a proud military mom, with the yellow ribbon tied around the tree when he was deployed that first time to Afghanistan. She didn't take it down until she moved into the condo across town after his sister graduated from college.

So he had left Lima and never really looked back. He left for basic training a few days after Finn and Rachel's wedding right after graduation, not even able to fully say goodbye to them since they were still on their honeymoon. It had just been a quiet circle of a few people in his driveway. His mom and sister had held onto him so tightly during that first goodbye. Quinn had turned up, Mike and Blaine too. Shelby had even brought Beth by for a quick visit, and it was the only time Puck allowed himself to tear up during the whole thing. Then, he had climbed into the back seat of the taxi that would take him to Port Columbus to fly out west. He hadn't stepped foot in Ohio since.

The Army life didn't really give you too much time for anything else other than the military. Climbing the ranks in his career meant volunteering for active duty, working holidays, taking the overnight shifts so that the other guys could go home to their wives and children. Puck didn't have any of that. He just had a sister and a mother who understood enough that they flew out to see him so that he didn't have to go home. He worked hard but was often lonely. This was what his choices in life had afforded him.

His life couldn't have been any different from Finn's. The tall boy had turned into a rugged man who'd achieved every goal he'd set for himself back in high school. Starting with that first summer after high school when Rachel had become his wife, Finn had worked diligently to build the life with his wife that she had always wanted for them. That meant packing up everything they owned and moving to New York City so that she could pursue all of her wildest dreams on Broadway. He had been supportive from the moment that they said "I do," and had spent the better part of the next decade building his entire world around her.

Rachel had found great success from the moment they had landed in New York. She had immediately become the darling of the New York Academy of the Dramatic Arts. With Kurt at her side, she had taken on all the competition to climb to the top of her class. This led to prime auditions in school productions and eventually professional shows of varying degrees of importance. Her career trajectory was red-hot from the moment that the Big Apple took notice, and Finn had been the proud husband at her side every step of the way.

She had started out with a few student productions before she was offered an Off-Broadway workshop reimagining of "Little Shop of Horrors." Two months later, Rachel originated the lead role in the stage version of "Love Actually." Once that earned rave reviews, the offers really started to pour in. She took a few key supporting roles in various classic musicals before she finally landed the lead of "Funny Girl," which was being reopened on Broadway. The critics loved her from the moment previews opened, and the show sold out every performance that first year. Tony talks soon followed, and Rachel achieved her ultimate dream at the ripe age of 23.

Finn, in the meantime, had been happy to go to school quietly without the flashes of adoring paparazzi and fans. He had once dreamt of taking on acting dreams of his own but soon found himself more attracted to the teaching aspect of the performing arts. Will Schuester had become a role model, mentor and second father to him in high school, and Finn felt it was his destiny to pass those gifts on to another lost kid like he'd been. He finished his classes at NYU somewhere in the middle of the pack but with a degree nonetheless. His graduation day was the only day Rachel took off from "Funny Girl" all year.

Graduation from college had sent them to the suburbs looking for the home where they would start their family. Rachel was still working on "Funny Girl" for the moment but an end was in sight. Her plan was to work until she was too pregnant not to, and then she'd take a few months off to have a baby while she looked for the next big role. Once they had put down a sizeable down payment on a cute prewar bungalow in Westchester and Finn had found his dream job as a music director at a local high school, the two of them began the surprisingly quick process of getting pregnant. Jack was born a year later, and Gracie had followed two years after that.

Everything had been pretty perfect for a while after Jack and Gracie were born. Rachel took time off from the stage with both but recorded a collection of Broadway treasures in their home studio while Jack was a baby and another album of standards with Gracie. Rachel was itching to get back to the Great White Way though, and Finn had been supportive of her wishes to pursue acting again. Rachel was quickly offered a few plum offers before she finally decided on a new musical version of "Breakfast at Tiffany's." It was a coveted starring role that had been eyed by some of the biggest talents in both New York and Hollywood. The show ended up being even bigger than "Funny Girl."

The life the two of them had built in New York was a far cry from the boring lives they'd left behind in Lima. They stayed in touch with their families and a few others from high school, but it had been virtual radio silence for a lot of them. They were busy in New York, which meant her fathers usually ended up flying into the city to see them or they'd head down to D.C. to catch up with the Hummels. They saw Kurt and Blaine often enough since they only lived a few blocks away, and Rachel had mentioned that she'd had lunch with Mercedes last week when she was in LA. Sometimes he texted Sam when he'd see his friend on TV or would type out a quick email to Quinn when he came across one of her pieces in a magazine.

Finn didn't really miss most of his old friends, though. The only one he ever really wondered about was Puck. He knew that he had joined the Army and had run into his sister once when he'd been back in Lima for the holidays. She had been rather vague but seemed proud when she said he was still in the military. She hadn't mentioned where Puck was living now and Finn hadn't thought to ask. Gracie had started crying and her phone had rang and the conversation had just sort of faded away with no real resolution of any kind.

There had been a time when he couldn't have imagined not knowing where Noah Puckerman was at any given moment. They had been so entwined as kids, Puck always staying at Finn's for sleepovers after Little League games or Finn turning up on Saturday mornings for the amazing potato pancakes that Puck's mom made. Time had changed all of that. There was no big falling out, no real reason they lost touch; it was just the way things had turned out. Puck had already been gone when Finn and Rachel had gotten back from the Caribbean, and Mrs. Puckerman hadn't had a forwarding address yet when they left for New York City. He tried to call her once after they had gotten settled in Manhattan but she had changed her number by then.

The thing was that Finn knew Puck would find a way to find him if he wanted. He also knew that Finn had a way of disengaging when he needed to put some space between himself and a situation. Finn knew that if his friend was going to dedicate his life to the military, he needed to put everything he had into it. Keeping tabs on life in Lima would deter part of his focus and make him missing things that he couldn't get back. It might seem cold to the outsider but Finn got it. It was the only way that Puck could make sure that he never missed home.

And yet, when the call came on that rainy Tuesday in New York, Puck was the first person that Finn thought to call. He was home with a sick Gracie that day and had just gotten her settled when his phone had rang from the other room. Rachel was away on tour for two weeks, doing a series of "Breakfast at Tiffany's" performances on the West Coast for the show's investors. Finn was home holding down the fort until she got back the next week.

He sat stoically for a long time after he'd hung up. The words hadn't sunken. The series of syllables didn't seem to have any real meaning. He immediately thought of all the other things he should be doing, but instead, he stayed there watching the rain fall down for nearly an hour. Jack was still at school, Gracie was still asleep, the phone was still ringing, but Finn forgot all about it. He only watched the drops crawling down the huge windows in their master bedroom and remembered the time he'd pushed Puck into a mud puddle in second grade. His mom had been so pissed when he had ruined his new tennis shoes.

The phone was still ringing nonstop when he pulled out his tablet and ran a quick search. A few minutes later, he was silencing another call while he dialed the numbers he had scrawled down on the back of a fashion magazine Rachel had left lying around. He was sitting at the foot of Gracie's bed just watching her sleep, her little chest rising and falling in time with her tiny breaths. Her whole world was about to be sent spinning off its axis, so Finn prayed that she would stay asleep for as long as she could.

"Lieutenant Colonel Puckerman," a voice barked out professionally.

"Puck," Finn said quietly. It was then and only then that he finally lost it. "Puck…I…Rachel…there was a crash…New York…dead…I don't know…the kids…" He stopped rambling long enough to take a deep breath. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Finn, man, hold on," Puck said as he killed the jeep's engine on the other side of the country. He was pretty sure he knew what Finn was trying to tell him. Puck had delivered the news often enough in his own career that he knew all the signs. He gripped the leather of the steering wheel tightly until his knuckles turned white. Flashes of old memories washed over him for a moment before he pushed them down again. "Finn, are you trying to tell me…"

Finn's sobs filled his ear for a long minute. He could tell that his old friend was trying to suppress them behind a clamped mouth. Someone else must be around. "She was flying back because Gracie was sick," he managed between the tears. "She was going to surprise us. She's been on tour for two weeks and Gracie got the chicken pox. Rach just wanted to come home to be with our baby girl."

_Rachel and Finn have a daughter_, Puck thought, _when did that happen?_ He knew that he had missed out on a lot in his friends' lives. "Finn, I need you to listen to me, man," Puck said patiently. His voice was even but commanding. He knew how to do this part all too well. "Can you tell me what happened to Rachel? Is she...?"

"There was an accident somewhere over the Sierra Nevada range," Finn managed. "There were no survivors."

Puck had known from the very beginning of the conversation but he needed to hear Finn actually say it before he would believe it was real. Somehow he knew that Finn needed to tell him before he would accept that it was real himself. It was like something clicked then and Finn chuckled humorlessly. "I'm not even sure why I called you first. I should call my mom. Her fathers have probably tried calling me and Kurt. Oh, God, Kurt. Why did I call you first?"

"I don't know, man."

"Me neither," Finn sighed as he noticed Gracie starting to stir. "I need to go, I need to get Jack."

"Jack?" Puck asked.

"Rachel and I have a son," Finn said before he ended the call and gathered his little girl into his arms.


	2. Chapter 2

One of the hardest things about losing Rachel was the whole unprepared aspect of it. Finn felt guilty that she had juts been trying to surprise the family. She had known that he had had a difficult week with a clingy Jack and a sick Gracie. They both missed their mom and told her as much each night when she called. it wasn't like it was her choice to take the show on the road but it was required if they were going to secure funding for the next thing her favorite director had planned. Finn had been understanding and had sent her off to California with a promise that everything would be at fine. He might have fought her a little harder had he known that was the last time he'd ever get to hold her again.

He had pretty much just been going through the motions since the phone call had come from some nameless police sergeant in a no-name town in Nevada. He had let her fathers take care of most of the arrangements really. They saw about getting her body back to Ohio and calling all of their friends and family to let them know the prerequisite times and dates and places. He didn't offer up any opinions when they started talking about speakers and songs. He only buried his nose in Gracie's hair while she buried her face in his chest or ruffled Jack's hair while he pushed a pair of firetrucks at Finn's feet in Carol's living room.

He could still feel the way that Gracie felt after she woke up her nap that afternoon, that rainy day when he had called Puck and his world had ceased to exist as he knew it. Finn had waited until he had picked up Jack from kindergarten before he told either of the kids. He had ignored the endless barrage of calls from Burt and his mom, Leroy and Hiram, Kurt and Blaine. Instead, he had taken the kids into the city to get hot chocolate at Serendipity and watched as they giggled and enjoyed the sweet treat without the threat of their vegan mom's lecture on health and animal rights. He missed her then but not anymore than he would have if she was just on some stage in LA singing and dancing. It had only felt real in those moments when he had been talking to his old friend.

Then, as he drove his new SUV back to the suburbs, he had done his best to explain to his son and daughter what had happened. Rachel had always handled the tough stuff, like when Jack's goldfish died last year and their elderly neighbor passed away last month. Gracie didn't really understand what was going on, but Finn had to pull over on the expressway so that he could gather a sobbing Jack into his arms. He felt guilty instantly, knowing that he should have waited until he was home to tell them, but it had honestly felt easier this way.

"I miss my mommy," he wailed as his tiny fists beat at Finn's chest in an erratic rhythm. Gracie looked scared from her safety seat. Finn wrapped his arms around his son and murmured into his ear that he missed Rachel too. "I just don't understand, Daddy, why did God have to take Mommy?" Finn had been thinking about that question a lot since that day, but he still wasn't ready to answer.

Kurt and Blaine had been at the house when he turned back up, and Jack had spent the rest of the day curled up against Blaine while Gracie watched cartoons. Finn let Kurt make travel arrangements while he packed up the kids. He couldn't bear to go into his own closet, so he let Kurt handle that too. His brother also packed a few things for Rachel, even though they weren't really sure there would even be a body to bury at all. He tried to get Finn's opinion once or twice, but the taller man just slammed the door to Jack's bedroom and refused to come out until all of her things had been stowed away in a separate suitcase.

Burt and Carol were waiting at the gate when they touched down in Columbus. He let the grandparents fawn over the kids more than he usually would have and did his best to muster up a fake smile when his mother finally came over to hug him. He knew that both of them understood what he was going through more than they would like to, but he didn't really feel like talking about it right now. Instead, he threw Gracie's Cinderella backpack over his shoulder and tucked both of their tiny hands in his much larger ones.

Meanwhile, Puck sat at his laptop in his tiny kitchen table, trying to figure out the plane schedule to see when he could get to Ohio. His mother had called a few hours after Finn, and Puck knew that the Temple gossip tree was out in full force. She was already talking about what casseroles she would bake to make to the Berry men and then over to the Hummel household. Once he had finally picked out a set of travel dates that would work somewhat around his training schedule, he made sure to send an email to one of the higher ups so that they knew he would be out of touch.

Puck looked over his printed itinerary before setting it on top of a stack of papers. He saw the contract he had been avoiding for weeks staring up at him. He should have signed the reenlistment contract ages ago, but something had kept him from committing another four years for awhile now. His last contract had only been for two years the last time, but he was on the fast track toward becoming a general. He figured that it would only take another five years or so to climb to that rank, which had been his only goal since he had decided to make a career of this whole Army thing. Yet, when they had handed him the contract for four years two weeks ago, Puck had been reluctant to sign his name right away. He still had a couple months left so he had some time to decide. He couldn't help but think that it shouldn't be this hard.

Finn calls him again when he's on the way to the airport. Puck is riding in the backseat of a cab this time so he's able to answer without fear of harsh driving laws. "Are you coming home?" Finn's tiny voice asks, and Puck remembers the only time he's ever heard him sound like that. They were seven and there had been a really bad thunderstorm one night. Finn had always hated thunder. "Everyone's here and they're driving me insane and the kids...I could just use someone who's not my family right now."

Puck wonders briefly why it's not Artie or Sam or Chang that he's calling. But Puck knows, he always knew why Finn kept turning back to him. They had been family when neither of them had really had any to speak of other than their moms. "I'm on my way to the airport, dude, I'll be there in a few hours."

"Could you...Want to come by Mom's when you get in? I could drive out and pick you up or something," Finn offered. Puck laughed a little then. His friend hadn't changed all that much. he had always been the kind to take care of stuff like that. "I'm sure Burt would let me take his truck."

"I'm gonna rent a car," Puck answered. No way was he relying on his ma for transportation the entire time he was in Ohio. He knew that he was going to need an escape route at some point. "I'll pick it up and head over. I hear you have some kids that I need to meet."

Finn is sitting on the front porch when Puck pulls up just after dark. He is older than Puck remembers but the way his face falls when Puck climbs out of the sedan makes him look younger than his years. Puck leaves his bags in the car as he hurries up the sidewalk. He's not sure what to say when Finn stands up to meet him. He thinks about going in for the obligatory bro hug or maybe some kind of handshake. His conundrum is quickly answered when Finn throws his arms around him awkwardly before a pair of brunettes come running out of the house and into the front yard.

"Daddy, Uncle Kurt won't let me have another cookie!" the little girl whined as she pulled on Finn's jeans.

"Yeah, Daddy, Uncle Blaine said that we could!" the boy added as he stood next to his sister. They both ignored Puck as they looked pleadingly up at their father. "It's not fair, come on!"

Finn reached down and scooped the little girl into his arms and wrapped his arm around his son. "I'll get you some cookies," he promised before turning back to Puck. "Stay here, we'll be right back. I just want to get them some..."

"Cookies," Puck finished for him with a grin. He had always loved Carol's baking. "Bring me back some, yeah?"

He could hear some loud talking when Finn let himself back into the house. "I don't care if you think they shouldn't have any more cookies, Kurt, I'm their father," Finn said angrily. "They are my kids and I will take care of them. I don't need all of you deciding what is best for my family."

Finn had always hated being handled, and that was something that they were all doing now. They had been for the last thirty-six hours and it was really starting to get to him. He shuffled some cookies onto a plate and then led the kids both back outside. He set Jack and Gracie up on the steps with two cookies each before snagging a couple for him and Puck. The two men stood a few feet away and watched while the two kids laughed together.

"They're beautiful, man," Puck exhaled into the dark. "She looks just like Berry."

"Sounds like her too, dude," Finn smiled proudly. "Jack has her personality but Gracie sings just like her mom. She acts like me though, so that's pretty cool. I like to think that they got the best of both of us."

Puck nodded to the house. "They driving you nuts?" He wasn't really sure what he was supposed to do here or why they weren't talking about how his wife was gone or why they hadn't spoken in so long. Instead, he was opting to act like everything was normal until Finn indicated that he wanted it to be different. He could see the walls that Finn was building around himself and the kids. He didn't want to think about what that meant, let alone the fact that he was back in Lima. Puck knew it was only a matter of time before they both freaked out, so he wanted to cherish this last little bit of normalcy until they both completely lost it.

"Kurt is just being so Kurt, and my mom is hovering," Finn said lowly. "I know their intentions are good but I don't want to get freaked out in front of the kids. Gracie doesn't really get what's going on and Jack is okay as long as he doesn't have to think about it. The next few days are going to be hard enough without me blowing up at my family. I'm doing what I need to do to get through."

He could see that his old friend wasn't really functioning, just giogn through the motions, but Puck didn't want to point that out to him. That wasn't why Finn wanted him here. He had called Puck because he kew that he was far enough removed from the situation that he would just let him be.

"Daddy, who's he?" Jack asked finally. "I don't know him."

"Guys, this is Puck. He was my best friend growing up."

"You're Noah!" Gracie said suddenly, her entire face lighting up. "Mommy showed me pictures of you and Daddy from when you were little kids. You used to have striped hair!"

Finn grinned over at his old friend. "Yep, he used to have a Mohawk," he agreed with his daughter. The little girl abandoned her cookies to come over and inspect Puck's hair now. "Puck had to shave it off when he went into the Army. He's a soldier."

"Cool," Gracie decided as she held out her arms to Puck to be lifted up. He wasn't sure what to do but he found himself bending over to pick her up. She curled her fist in his shirt as she laid her head on his shoulder. Finn was slightly surprised; she was usually kind of shy. "Did you know my mommy died?"

"Yeah," Puck said softly, looking over the top of the little girl's head at Finn. Their eyes locked. "I'm real sorry to hear that too."

Jack wandered over to his father's side in the dark. "Daddy said she was in a plane crash. That's why we couldn't fly here. We had to take the train," he told Puck seriously. "But it was fun because Uncle Blaine played Go Fish with me and Uncle Kurt got us strawberry pie while Daddy looked out the window. Daddy, do you think we could get more pie when we take the train back to New York?"

"We'll have to see, buddy."

"When are we going to go home, Daddy?" Gracie asked sleepily. "I miss my bedroom."

Finn didn't miss his bedroom. He didn't miss New York at all right now. He didn't want to have to sleep in that big house again without his wife. He realized that he still hadn't answered when he heard Puck speak up. "I'll tell you guys what, why don't you show me where you are staying here? We can build a fort like your dad and I used to when we were kids. It used to drive your grandma crazy, but your dad was really good at it."

"Oh, can we, Daddy?" Jack asked excitedly. Finn nodded as he reached down to pick up his son. He was growing so quickly and it wouldn't be long before he wouldn't be able to hold him like this.

Finn led them all silently into the house and back to his old bedroom. Puck could see the look of surprise on Burt and Blaine's faces as he passed through the living room, but Carol didn't seem so shocked to see him. He nodded in her direction but kept his hand low on Gracie's back as he held her against him. They all had their reasons for being there for Finn and the kids, and as he followed the former quarterback into his old bedroom with Gracie and Jack in tow, Puck understood his own.


	3. Chapter 3

Puck basically became Finn's caretaker after that. Three days into Ohio turned into a week, and before he knew it, he had put in a call to his commanding officer to get an extension on his leave. He had a ton of unused time he hadn't used over the years and things are slow on the base, so they were generous in giving him the time off. Puck doesn't give them specifics, just says that that there was a death in the family. He figured it's close enough to the truth to count.

Finn had become pretty useless in the days since the funeral. He stopped talking to anyone who wasn't Puck, Gracie or Jack. He wouldn't acknowledge his mother when she tried to force him to eat dinner or Burt when he tried to engage him over a Browns game the Sunday after Rachel had been laid to rest. He ignored Kurt when he tried to find out when they would be heading back to New York and Blaine later when he offered to make some calls to the school back in Westchester to get Finn some real leave time.

Puck had to speak up then and tell him that he had already taken care of it. Finn had enough saved to make it through the rest of the semester and the school had been understanding about him needing to be there for the kids. Puck had also sorted out the life insurance, talked to some of Rachel's team about anything that needed to be tied up professionally and made sure to take the kids by to visit her dads when Finn couldn't find the energy to put on his shoes. He'd only kissed Gracie's silky stresses and hugged Jack tightly and bumped his fist against Puck's without ever climbing out of his bed.

"I'm just so worried about him," Carole told Puck early one morning when he turned up with a box of bagels and a thermos of coffee. She looked exhausted as she sat at her kitchen table. He knew that the past few weeks had worn on her significantly. "He's usually the first one to try to lift everyone's spirits. No one can get through to him except the kids. And you, Noah, I thank god for you."

"He just lost his wife, Carole," Puck reminded her softly. He could hear the kids starting to stir upstairs and knew it was only a matter of time before they'd turn up in the kitchen for breakfast. "I don't really know what that's like but you do. What else can we be doing for him?"

She rested her head against her hand as she looked at him for a long moment. "I honestly don't know, Noah," she admitted. "I think what you've been doing has been pretty helpful so far. Just keep him focused on the kids. It's the only thing that helped me after I lost Christopher. I can't imagine what I would have been like if it hadn't been for Finn. Having to take care of him kept me from losing myself completely. I know Finn is trying to keep his head above water, so we just have to keep him putting Gracie and Jack first."

"Speaking of which," he tilted his head toward the stairs. "I'm just going to go up and get them so they don't wake Finn up. I don't think he's been sleeping much. He could probably use a few extra hours. You look like you could use some extra rest too. Why don't you and Burt take the morning off? I've got the kids."

"Thank you, Noah," she exhaled gratefully. "I am so happy about your offer that I'm just going to ignore that you basically just told me that I look like crap."

He smirked at her before he took the steps two at a time toward the room the kids had claimed as their own. He found Jack trying to dress himself in a mismatched pair of socks while Gracie bounced happily on the bed. "Hey, monkey," he teased her as he caught her mid-jump. She threw her arms around Puck, laughing happily as he tickled her sides. He shifted her to his hip before he retrieved a matching pair of socks for Jack.

"Thanks, Uncle Puck," the boy beamed as he shoved his tiny feet into them. "What's for breakfast?"

"I was thinking that I would take you guys out so that everyone could sleep for a little while longer," Puck suggested. He carried Gracie over to the closet to pull out a pair of jeans and a tiny sweatshirt with Finn's school name splashed across the front of it. Once he had tied Jack's shoes and ran a pink plastic comb through Gracie's hair, he took each of their tiny little hands and led them down to the kitchen. Once he had scribbled out a quick note to Finn, he got them buckled into the backseat of his rental car and headed toward downtown. "What are you guys hungry for?"

"Pancakes!" they shouted together. It was always pancakes with those two.

The house was still quiet when they returned an hour later, so Puck decided that it would be good for them to work off the sugar residual high from breakfast in the backyard. Jack took up kicking a soccer ball amongst the leaves while Gracie insisted on swinging. Puck was pushing her while keeping one eye trained on Jack when Finn finally wandered into the backyard. He had the biggest grin on his face when he came padding across the grass.

"Daddy, Uncle Puck pushes really high!"

"I see that, baby," Finn said to Gracie. Jack came dribbling over with his ball. "You guys look like you've been up for awhile."

"Uh huh, we went and had pancakes," Jack told him. "He said maybe we could all get pizza tonight. Can we, Daddy?"

Finn scrubbed his hands over his face tiredly. Puck knew that he really didn't feel like being around big groups of people, but he had kept the kids holed up in the house all week. "I don't know if that's such a good idea."

"Please, Daddy," Jack begged. "Just for a little bit, we won't be gone that long."

Puck heard his friend take a deep breath. "If Uncle Puck wants to take you for pizza, that's fine with me," Finn retorted.

"Will you come with us, Daddy?" Gracie asked as Puck slowed her to a stop.

Finn seemed to ignored her pleading face. "I don't think I'll feel up to it tonight, Gracie," he told her as she jumped down from the swing. She wrapped her arm around Puck's leg and it broke his heart a little big. He lifted her into his arms and rocked her back and forth for a moment in a vain attempt to sooth her disappointment.

"Hey, guys, why don't we go start that movie?" Puck suggested. "I need to talk to your daddy for a few minutes. You know how to work the machine, right, Jack?"

"Yeah, Grandpa Burt showed me how," he said proudly. He ran into the house with Gracie hot on his heels. Puck could hear them arguing about which one DVD they were going to watch first.

Puck turned to Finn once the back door had slammed. "Don't start, man," Finn warned him as he avoided his friend's penetrating gaze.

"Look, dude, I know you're sad and shit," Puck told him. "I honestly can't imagine what you're going through. But you're not the only who lost Rach. Those kids lost their mom and they don't know what the hell is going on. You have got to keep it together for Gracie and Jack, Finn."

"Don't you think I know that?"

"Knowing it and doing it are two very different things. You're doing a shit job of watching out for them right now. Everyone is trying to tiptoe around it, and god knows I don't want to be having this conversation with you right now. But they deserve better than that from you, man, you're all they have left."

Finn paced halfway across the yard before he turned on his heel to march back toward Puck. "I know, I know," he finally relented. "It's just hard being here. Everywhere we go someone wants to tell me how sorry they are or how much Gracie looks like Rach and I am just reminded how much it hurts all over again. It hurts to be around all the memories, like I've had a literal ache in my chest for two weeks. I don't know how I'm supposed to do this."

"You need to try getting some actual sleep for one thing," Puck suggested. "And you need to relax about the kids. I know that you don't want to let them out of your sight for one minute, but they can't stay here all the time. It's not good for them and it's not good for you."

Finn finally stopped walking and collapsed into an old plastic chair on the patio. Puck took the one across from him, pulling it close enough so that his knees were right against Finn's. "I'm scared, dude," Finn admitted. "All the time, I just keep thinking about what would happen if I lost one of them now. I never used to think like that before. It's funny how quickly that changes, you know? I was pretty carefree, believed that good things happened to good people. But Rach, she was like the best person I knew, right? So why did this happen to her? If it can happen to someone like her, who's to say something won't happen to one of the kids?"

It's the first time that he's told anyone how scared he actually is. "She was always the one who was good with the kids," Finn confided in his friend. "They loved her, Puck. She was an amazing mom. I wish you could have seen her with them. She taught me how to do this. I'm a good dad because she helped me become one. What am I supposed to do if she's not there to teach me?"

"You'll figure it out on your own," Puck assured him. He knew that confessions like these didn't come easily. "And the stuff you can't figure out, you'll ask your mom and Burt about. They both raised two pretty great guys on their own. I've seen you with them, Finn, and I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about. You're an amazing dad. Gracie and Jack adore you."

Finn smiled briefly then. "They seem pretty fond about you too."

"Because I'm a fun place they can escape right now," he tried to explain. "It's kind of how I saw your mom after my dad left. It wasn't sad being around you guys. They didn't know me as part of the life they had with their mom. Besides, it's impossible not to be crazy about your kids. They're incredible, man."

"That's all her."

"No, Finn, some of that is you," Puck assured him warmly. He patted his friend's shoulder in a small sign of comfort. "Have you thought about talking to someone?"

"Like who? I don't really think that this something I can talk to my mom or Burt about right now. I know they're worried but it's still too fresh. I don't want to make my mom cry again."

Puck shook his head a little. He couldn't believe what he was about to suggest. He had brushed off offers multiples times himself, but he honestly believed that Finn needed to talk to someone. "I don't know, like a professional or something. It doesn't have to be a therapist but there is probably a support group you could find when you get back home to New York," he suggested. "I could do some research if you want, maybe get you some numbers."

"Maybe," Finn said, kicking the toe of his scuffed sneaker against the pavement. "I don't know if I'm ready for that."

"Well, just think about it," Puck suggested. "And if you don't want to do that, promise met hat you'll at least find someone to talk to. It can even be me if you think it'll help, anyone that is willing to listen."

Jack came bounding out before Finn had the chance to respond. "I can't find the remote to turn off the TV," he complained. Puck was about to get up when Finn stood up first. "Do you want to watch the movie with us, Daddy?"

"I think that sounds like a good idea," Finn agreed as he started to follow his son into the house. He stopped short of the door and looked back at Puck over his shoulder. "You coming?"

Puck kicked Jack's soccer ball across the yard before following the father and son into the house. Gracie was sprawled out across the sofa, so Puck shifted her up for a moment so that he could slip beneath her. Jack settled on the other side of her with a worn blanket that Puck recognized from the Hudsons' old house. Finn managed to start up the movie before taking his place on the far end of the sofa. It didn't take long before both of the kids were lost in the cartoon.

Carole wandered in some time later with a plate of peanut butter sandwiches and some fresh sugar cookies. They reminded Puck of the ones that Rachel used to make back in high school whenever she needed to apologize to someone. Both of the kids ended up with icing on their face, and Finn laughed as he cleaned them up with a little spit and a napkin in only a way that a parent could love.

Once they were settled back in for the second half of the movie, Puck snuck a glance out of the corner of his eye to watch Finn. He looked relaxed as the reflection of the large television screen illuminated his face. A peaceful smile settled onto his features as Gracie giggled at the dancing ladybug on the movie. It had been awhile since Puck had seen his friend that happy, that calm. Finn must have felt Puck watching him because he turned to gaze at Puck. The two of them held a long stare before Jack pulled on Finn's sleeve because he wanted him to turn the sound up.

Much later, after dinner and baths, Puck worked alongside Finn to put the kids to bed. Gracie insisted on a story and Jack wanted Puck to tuck him in. Once they were satisfied and lightly snoring on their little tummies, Finn led Puck back down to the living room where a pair of ice cold beers were waiting. They turned the evening football game on low and watched silently as the players struggled for possession of the brown leather football. Finn reached over and muted the set when a commercial for insurance came on.

"I think maybe it'd be a good idea if you got me some numbers."

"Yeah, okay," Puck said, not looking at him. It wasn't one of those kind of moments. "I'll let you know what I find out."

"Cool," Finn muttered before turning the volume back up.

It wasn't much, Puck thought, but it was a start.


	4. Chapter 4

Things got a little bit better for the Hudson family after that. Finn still hadn't talked to anyone professionally about what he'd been going through for the past month and he refused to let his parents comment on anything but he did manage to tell Puck these tiny slips of thoughts and memories and emotions from time to time. It was a long shot from a healthy approach to healing, but Puck was willing to take whatever improvement he could get. It was easier with Puck for Finn; he never judged Finn for how he was choosing to handle it. Instead, he was patient with his kids and him in equal turns, and that was exactly what the taller man needed at that point in time.

The one part that was starting to bother everyone, however, was the fact that Finn still hadn't made any real progress about going back to New York. With his leave approved by the school and Jack's teacher sending weekly lessons by email, Finn didn't see any real rush to get back to their normal lives in Westchester. Instead, he opted to take the kids on creative field trips that gave them learning outside the traditional classroom setting so that he could spend virtually every waking moment around them. Puck accompanied them most days, but even he was a little worried about how little interaction Jack and Gracie were getting with other kids. He wanted to give it another few weeks before he brought it up with Finn again, but he knew that he was going to have to eventually broach the subject. Finn just wasn't listening to Burt or Carole or Kurt or even Mr. Schuester on the subject.

But tonight, there wouldn't be any worrying about school lessons or house sitters or the unsigned contract that was still stashed at the bottom of Puck's camouflage backpack. Instead, Puck had arranged for Burt and Carole to keep the kids for the night so that he could get Finn out of the house. He needed to relax, to have a few hours where it wasn't about Jack and Gracie but about Finn actually having fun. He hadn't seen his friend at peace the entire time they had been in Lima, even in those rare and fleeting moments where Finn got eerily quiet and seemed to let his mind shutdown. Puck usually opted for other methods to relax himself but knew that Finn was nowhere ready for that. A few bars at the sports bar downtown seemed like a much more viable option.

"Alright, guys, you need to be good for Grandma Carole and Grandpa Burt tonight," Puck told them as they drove home from the science museum late Thursday night. "I am going to surprise Daddy with a night out, but I know he'll have a really fun time if he knows that you are going to have fun at home with them."

"Why can't we go?"

"Because the place we're going to go is for grownups," Puck answered Jack. "Besides, I think Grandpa Burt said something about taking you guys to the Pizza Ranch for supper. I have a roll of quarters for each of you to use in the arcade if you promise me that you're going to behave like the perfect little prince and princess that I know you are."

"I want to play the animal crane," Gracie clapped. She hadn't quite managed the game but Puck knew Burt would figure out a way to get her one of the brightly colored plush animals from the machine. "And I want to get chocolate pizza. Do you think Grandma Carole will let me? Mommy never would. She said it would rot my teeth!"

The kids never really talked about Rachel much other than in passing, but it always caught Puck off-guard. In fact, no one really talked about her much anymore. Finn didn't seem to want to hear even her name, so no one brought her up unless he said something about her first. Puck could only think of once or twice that he'd said anything about her since that day in the backyard. All the stuff he had read on the Internet indicated that it wasn't normal or particularly good. Acting like she didn't exist, that her death had never happened, wasn't what seemed to be suggested. It was just another thing he had added to his list.

"I'll see if she will let you have a piece if you eat your dinner first," Puck negotiated as he pulled the rental car to the edge of the Hummels' driveway. "And that includes salad too, not just pizza. Your mommy was always really big on people eating their vegetables."

The kids disappeared into the house in search of their grandparents while Puck headed down to the basement where he figured he'd find Finn watching television. The big lug was stretched out on the sofa while some daytime judge show played on Burt's coveted big screen. His soft snores were barely audible beneath the boom voice of the judge. Puck grabbed the remote from the endtable and flicked the set off. Finn's eyes opened immediately but he didn't sit up.

"I was watching that."

"No, you weren't," Puck argued. "You were sleeping and even if you were watching it, you shouldn't. That shit will rot your brain, dude. It's the middle of the afternoon on an unseasonably warm day in December. You should go for a run or something, get some fresh air."

Finn ignored his friend as Puck sat on the other end of the couch opposite his foot. Finn threw his legs over Puck's lap defiantly. "The kids upstairs?"

"Yeah, Gracie is trying to get your mom to let her have chocolate pizza tonight," he chuckled. "By the way, your mom and Burt are taking the kids for the evening. We're going out."

"No thanks, I'm not in the mood."

"It's not negotiable," Puck argued back automatically. "I didn't organize some big get together. It's a Thursday night and the Browns aren't playing. There shouldn't be a big crowd out. So we're going to go down to that dive bar we used to get into back in high school with our fakes and we're going to have a few beers legally. It's only a few hours, Finn, but you need to get out of here."

"Can't I just go for the run?"

"Not a chance, dude," Puck smirked. "I'll even pay if you take a shower. Gotta dress you up a little so you look pretty for me."

Finn kicked his foot against Puck's arm. "Just us? No surprises?"

"I swear, man," he promised, crossing his hands over his heart.

Puck and Finn found themselves sitting in a corner booth a few hours later, just a couple of other patrons sitting at the bar in quiet conversation. It was an especially slow night for the place, which seemed to make Finn even happier. There was some weird game on one of the television sets that Puck thought might be jai alai that had kept Finn somewhat entertained for the better part of an hour. They didn't talk in more than nods and grunts between mugs of cold beer. They weren't anywhere near drunk but a nice little happy alcohol buzz had started to set in. Watching Finn actually look free for a few moments gave Puck a certain warmth in his chest that he was blaming on the beer. There was no other way to explain that loosened feeling that had been happening in his heart.

Finn ordered another beer when the game was over. He took a long drink when the waitress brought it over, a cute little blonde that Puck was certain he could take home at the end of the night if he really tried. Instead, he ignored the way she smiled at him and focused only on Finn. He seemed contemplative as he stared out the window, watching the late rush hour traffic filtering by on the street. There was a small but seemingly content smile on his face as an elderly couple passed by hand-in-hand.

"Rachel and I always talked about how that would be us someday."

Puck didn't know what to say to that so he didn't respond.

"I don't know what's supposed to come next," Finn said softly. "I keep thinking that I'll see a sign and I'll know what I am supposed to do. I know that everyone thinks I should be back in New York. They're not the ones that have to figure out how to live in that big house without her. I still need to go by the theater to pick up the stuff from her dressing room. I have to go through the clothes in our closet and write a million thank-you cards and update all the kids emergency information. There are all these things that I need to take care of and when I start on them, I know that this part will be over. Until I start doing those things, I can still pretend that this isn't real. But when I do, I'll essentially be erasing her from my life. How do I do that to the kids? How do I do that to Rachel?"

Puck lifted his right shoulder in a shrug. "I don't have the answer for that, Finn, but I will say that delaying the inevitable won't change anything. Just because you don't want it to be real doesn't mean that it isn't. Eventually the kids will need to go back to school and you'll have to donate the clothes and you'll have to move on. That doesn't mean that you're going to forget Rachel. The kids certainly won't; I know that you won't let them."

"I miss her every day, all the time, and I know it seems stupid...but missing her helps. It keeps her alive in here," Finn said as he pressed his left hand to his heart. Puck looked at his wedding ring and felt sad. "I just want to hold onto that feeling for a little while longer."

"Dude, it's only been a month. There's no timetable for how this is supposed to go," Puck assured. "You just need to think about what you should be doing and prioritize. I know the grief is overwhelming and apparently comforting, but you can't let that take over. You still have to think about what the kids need. They need stability, and I am not sure that staying here in Lima is giving them that."

"I know," Finn relented, "but like I said, I don't known what's supposed to come next."

Puck thought about that contract again and nodded. "I can understand," he admitted. Finn had told Puck a number of things he hadn't told anyone else in his four weeks in Ohio, so Puck thought it was about time that he repay the favor. "I'm technically not in the Army right now. No one else knows but I haven't signed my reenlistment papers. I was supposed to do it before I cam here but I just couldn't do it. The contract is right there, just waiting for my signature, basically giving me everything I've been working for since high school. I could even become a general in a few years. It's exactly what I've been planning since I decided to re-up six years ago. There shouldn't even be a question. This is the logical career path."

"And yet?"

"And yet, I don't know if I can see myself doing this in four years," Puck admitted. "I don't know what I would be doing if I wasn't doing this, but I'm just not sure that it's the right career path anymore. It would mean more time overseas, probably in pretty dangerous areas, and my ma isn't getting any younger. Do I really want to put her through that stress? Do I want to miss out on seeing Sarah's kids grow up and being a good uncle? There are all these other things that I pretended weren't important for so long, but being back here again, it's sort of impossible to pretend."

Finn paused for a long moment. "Did you ever miss it?" he asked, but what Puck heard was, Did you ever miss me?

"All the time," Puck pledged, holding his friend's gaze so that Finn knew he meant it. "I didn't let myself think about it, but my heart knew. It knew that life was moving on without me and that I was missing out on all the things that I should have been there for. I shouldn't have stayed away for so long, man, from my family and from you all. I've missed my friends, man, you most of all. I'm sorry that I wasn't around after the wedding. I should have been there when your kids were born."

"You're here now, that's all that matters," Finn decided. "For me and for my kids, you've been here when we've needed you the most."

"I don't know what I am going to do if I don't stay in the Army," Puck retorted. "I have all these special skills that aren't really applicable to the real world. I can't see myself in college or sitting behind some desk. I thought about going into law enforcement or something, but it's just as risky as the military. I don't want Ma to have new stress."

Finn tilted his head to the side in contemplation. "You could become a security consultant," he suggested. "You'd be able to set your own hours, take on your own clients. I'm sure the government would love to work with someone with all of your expertise, not to mention big companies and security firms. I know Rachel worked with one when she got to where she needed a bodyguard at certain events. You could help them with major events and stuff. I think you'd be really good at it."

It actually wasn't that bad of an idea. "I do know a lot of people in California since I've been there awhile," he thought aloud. "Maybe I'll look into it. I don't think I am going to stay down south though. There's too much going on down there. I want my life to be a little bit slower."

"Yeah," Finn nodded, thinking about going back to New York. "Rach always loved the bustle of the city, but after being here this past month, it's hard to think about going back to that. Everything is about the city, even in the suburbs; I'm not sure that's what would be best for the kids right now."

"So maybe we could both use a fresh start," Puck pointed out. "I mean, I know you don't want to go back to the house or even New York apparently. I definitely don't want to go back to my place on the base. Maybe we could take the kids up to Northern California. Even if it's just for a year, it'd give you some time to get a new perspective and the kids a place to recharge. It'd be safe and quiet."

"You'd really do that for me?"

"It'd be just as much for me, man," Puck told him. "I'd be able to figure out what I wanted to do next and help you out with Jack and Gracie for awhile. I think they'd like a little continuity so having me around would probably be helpful. I have some pretty decent savings so I could take the time off."

"I'd have to sell the house in Westchester," Finn said. "I'm sure that Blaine and Kurt would be glad to help me out with the details in New York. I could look for a job and get Jack enrolled in classes for the spring semester. It's actually not a bad idea."

"I've been telling you for years that I'm full of good ideas."

Finn laughed loudly and shook his head. "Dude, I grew up with you, remember? I seem to recall a broken bone when you thought you jumped off the Changs' roof in fourth grade. I was there when you caught the confession stand on fire when you were trying to make s'mores using a bunsen burner from the chem lab. You tried to steal an ATM with your mom's car. Need I say more?"

"Ah, the good old days," Puck mused before waving his hand dismissively. "Whatever, that's semantics. This one is pure Puckerman genius. How man times do you get a fresh start, Hudson? This is a second chance I think we could both use."

It could be a total disaster but as Puck grinned at him across the table, Finn couldn't see a single flaw in his friend's plan. He only saw a future that he was slowly starting to think that maybe he was supposed to have.


	5. Chapter 5

The next time that someone tells Puck that he never chooses to be nice when he could more easily be mean will tell them about this very moment. he watched as finn knelt down in front of his kids, fixing the loose end of Gracie's braid and straightened the collar of Jack's polo shirt. It looked like one of those pitiful things that Finn used to wear himself back in high school. They were only going to be gone five days, but Finn was tearing up like it was going to be weeks. then again, it was the first time he had been away from the kids since everything happened, so Puck wasn''t going to point out that his friend was being kind of a wimp. Besides, when he felt himself trying to push down tears, he knew that he wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

"Okay, I'll call you every day," Finn promised as he hugged Jack tightly and then Gracie. He scooted the kids across the living room toward Puck. "Tell Uncle Puck goodbye."

"I'm going to miss you," Jack whispered into his ear quietly, and Puck knew that he was trying to be strong so that his sister wouldn't cry. "Take care of Daddy, okay? He gets scared of the dark sometimes and Mommy isn't here to sing the special song."

"We'll call you so you can sing it to him if he gets scared," Puck promised as he hugged the rugrat tightly. The kid was as sweet as his dad was when they around that age. "Watch out for your sister, okay? I'm sure Grandma Carole will appreciate your help with her."

"And I'll watch out for Jack," Gracie declared as she jumped into Puck's arms. She had decided the day before that he was officially her favorite person in the world, much to Finn's chagrin, so he knew that she was going to be a little clingy when they left. "Are you sure you have to go? We could go with you. We'll be really good, I promise."

Puck shook his head before planting a kiss to the side of her head. He would have considered taking the kids if Finn hadn't insisted on driving, but he couldn't imagine five days in his little rental car with those two bundles of energy. He knew that he was going to have to talk to his best friend (yes, he had decided that they were best friends again and was comfortable referring to Finn as such now) about reconsidering his whole stance against airplanes. The crash was still fresh but the trek from Ohio to California was too long by train or automobile.

"We'll bring you back something special instead," Puck negotiated as he sat her back down. He was sure that they would see enough random crap along the way that they could find something inexpensive but fun for the kids. "Do you guys have any requests?"

Finn watched as Puck talked to Gracie and Jack. It did something to his heart to see him like that with them. He was relaxed and opened in a way that Finn hadn't seen since before his father left and he'd gone from Noah to Puck. There were times when he saw flashes of the military coming out in his friend, but that all melted away whenever he was interacting with the kids. They had welcomed him into their lives, into their family, as if he had always been there. Finn couldn't quite put his finger on it but he knew that he couldn't have survived the past several weeks without Puck at his side. He was starting to think that his kids might not have made it without him either.

"Alright, love you, princess," Puck murmured softly to Gracie as she sllipped her arms around his sturdy torso again. Finn looked away, the moment too much. He wasn't sure when it started hppening, but he knew that the kids regularly told Puck they loved him before they went to bed at night. It had only taken Puck hearing it once before he started returning the sentiment. He reached out for Jack. "You too, buddy, love you."

"Love you too," Jack mumbled as he buried his face into Puck's shoulder.

Once the two had said a final goodbye to their father, Puck managed to wrangle Finn out of the house without too much of a display from either side. They were both quiet for the first fifteen minutes in the car, not saying anything until they were just outside Lima city limits. "Damn kids," Puck muttered to himself, swiping away at his hazel eyes with the pads of his thumbs. He hated crying. "I already miss them. When did that start happening?"

Finn laughed as he wiped his own tears away with the back of his hand. "I cried for an hour the first time we left Jack with a babysitter," he remembered. "We didn't even make it to the dessert course before we were cutting our dinner short. Rachel actually did much better than I did, but I just couldn't stand to be away from him."

"Do you ever get used to it?"

"I used to think so," Finn said as he turned his eyes to the blurry landscape passing him by outside the window, "but now I'm not so sure."

Puck heard the unstated intention in his answer. He knew that there used to be a time when it was easier for Finn to leave the kids. He had worked every day, dropping them off at school while he went to teach lessons of their own. Now, it took everything he had to be away from them for even a few hours. He used to take week-long vacations alone with Rachel each year when her fathers would come to stay with the kids in New York. The prospect of being away from them for these five days was terrifying, but they both knew it was important if they wanted to start all over again.

They made it to the western edge of Kansas before Puck decided that he was too tired to drive. They could make it the rest of the way tomorrow if they drove non-stop, giving them exactly a day in California to look around before they had to turn around and make the trip back. They were both exhausted as Puck pulled the car into some chain hotel with a recognizable brand name and a complimentary breakfast buffet. They took the two keycards to their room, perfectly content to crash in their double queen beds without a word. Finn dozed while Puck showered and then they switched. He was trying his hair with a white towel when he came back into the room to find Puck on the phone.

He was sitting up on the still-made bed, cell phone pressed to his ear as he leaned back against the headboard. "Yeah, we saw the Gateway Arch in St. Louis from the car." He paused as a tiny voice that Finn could tell belonged to Gracie responded. "I don't know, sweetheart, I'll have to ask Daddy. I'm sure he would consider going back there someday with you guys. He could take Jack to see the Indians take on the Cardinals. That's baseball, Gracie, the one with the bat."

Puck pulled the phone away when he noticed Finn standing in the door. He pushed a series of buttons his phone so that he could connect to video chat. Finn jumped on the bed next to his friend so that he could see his little girl. Her hair was wet too and she was wearing those footed pajamas that Rachel had gotten her for her birthday.

"Daddy!" she squealed as she saw his face. Finn pressed his head in close with Puck's so that he could grin at her. "I see you!"

"I see you too Amazing Gracie," he teased her. He waved and she waved back. His heart ached with how much he missed her. "Did Uncle Puck tell you about what else we saw?"

"Uh huh," she nodded eagerly. "He told me about the Arch and the cornfields and the cow you said only had three legs. I've never seen a cow with three legs, Daddy, are you sure that's what you saw?"

This had been a hot point of debate between the two men for a good forty miles. "I know what I saw, baby, and it only had three legs," he chuckled. "Where's your brother?"

"Watching football with Grandpa Burt," she rolled her eyes. Puck handed the phone over to Finn so that he could head out into the hall. Finn watched after him for a moment before he returned his attention to Gracie. "I miss you, Daddy. You and Uncle Puck need to come home right now!"

Finn laughed and shook his head. "We'll be home in four more days, and when we come home, we're going to have a whole new house for you and Jack to live in."

"With you, Daddy?"

"Of course, sweetheart, who else would you live with?"

"Good," she decided. "And Uncle Puck is going to come too, right? He is part of our family now."

Puck was leaning in the doorframe holding a pair of beer bottles from the lobby bar when he heard her innocent questions. Finn hadn't noticed his return yet. "Yes, Gracie, Uncle Puck is going to live with us," he answered her softly. "You and Jack and Uncle Puck and me are a family. "

"Good because I love him."

"He loves you too, my Amazing Gracie. So do I, so very much."

"Good night, Daddy."

"Good night, sweetheart."

Finn dropped the phone silently on the bed after the call had ended. "I do love them, you know," Puck said as he padded across the room and sat down on the edge of the bed next to Finn. He handed over the beer before he twisted off the cap of his own. "The first time Gracie told me that she loved me, I knew how special it was. Kids love so easily, so unconditionally. No one has given me that kind of love in a really long time. And Jack, man, your kids. I love them, Finn, I hope you know how much I mean that."

He nudged his shoulder against his friend's and nodded. "I'm glad they have you."

"I'm gonna be there for them. Long after this has stopped being just about, you know, I'm going to be there whenever they need me," he promised. He hadn't taken a pledge so seriously since he took his honor vow when he was sworn into the Army. "I know I wasn't there for you through a lot of stuff and you say that it's okay but it's not. I don't want you to worry about when I move out or whatever. I'm not going to go back to being a stranger."

"I know that, Puck," he assured him. He believed that Puck meant every word he was saying to him right then. The only part that Finn didn't like was the thought of Puck not living with them forever. He sort of wanted that family unit to stay in tact for as long as he could get, but he supposed that eventually Puck would want to start a family of his own. These two months had shown Finn that his friend deserved to get that chance. "And even if we're not all in the same house or even the same town, we're always going to be a family now."

"A family," Puck mused. "I remember when that used to be just Ma, Sarah and me."

"You've grown up, Puckerman," Finn said, lifting his beer in a mock toast.

They both finished their beers before they retreated back to their own beds and turned off the lights. Finn was the first one to fall asleep, and Puck was happy to hear his friend's breathy snores soon filling the room. He had worried that Finn wouldn't be able to sleep being away from the kids, but he seemed to be doing better than expected. Puck closed his own eyes and followed Finn into a deep and peaceful sleep.

Puck dreamt about his life that night, a year down the road, and woke up with the biggest smile on his face.


	6. Chapter 6

Realizing that they were slowly turning into a family wasn't he only observation that Finn experienced during the first leg of their trip to California. He didn't really see it until the second night they stayed at the motel. Up to that point, Puck had always gone home at night, even when the kids kept at the Hummels late or Finn wanted to sit up to talk. He'd never as much as fallen asleep on Finn's couch, so Finn had no way of knowing before then. However, two hours into that second night at the motel just outside San Francisco, Finn realized that he wasn't the only one whose dreams haunted him. Puck clearly had some demons of his own.

Puck had been having nightmares for as long as he could remember. He had seen some things in Afghanistan and then Syria that he would rather forget, but he didn't have power over his thoughts when night would come. That was a tough pill to swallow for a man who had made a career of having complete control at all times. It was only in his dreams that he was powerless against the only memories and images that he had worked so hard to suppress. He couldn't count the number of nights he'd woken in a cold sweat.

And the thing about that was that there usually wasn't anyone around to see it. They didn't know how many times he'd waken himself up because of his own screams. They didn't know how he could go days on just a few hours of sleep because he'd rather be exhausted than haunted. The debriefing personnel after they got back from their deployment had encouraged them to talk to someone, but Puck had never really been big on that line of thinking. Instead, he read up on PTSD on the Internet and convinced himself that he was too strong to be brought down by that perceived weakness. He had been wrong, of course, but he wasn't about to admit that to just anyone.

However, when he finds Finn standing over him after a particularly daunting nightmare about the little girl he had watched get blown up by a roadside bomb outside Kabul, Puck knows that his secret is out. Her big, dark eyes had haunted him for the past seven years, and he hated dreaming about her more than anything else he had seen there. She had reminded him so much – _too much _ – of his own daughter. He was shaking when he sat up to take the glass of water that Finn was holding out toward him.

"Bad dream?"

"Yeah, Army stuff," Puck said softly. He hoped that the explanation would be enough to hold the questions at bay, but when Finn sat down on the edge of the mattress, Puck was certain that his best friend was just trying to find a tactful way of jumping into the thick of it. "I have them sometimes, why I don't really like to sleep. Just stuff from overseas when I was deployed, it's no big deal."

Finn raised an eyebrow as if he didn't believe Puck. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," he shrugged. Puck took another long gulp of the cold water in order to avoid Finn's prying eyes. "There are just some things you can't forget, you know? I don't think about it most of the time. It's kind of like when I was gone. I never thought about home. It doesn't cross your mind if you don't let it. But when I sleep, I don't know, I guess I can't control it. I saw some really messed up stuff over there, stuff I would rather forget."

Finn scoffed audibly. "And you have been telling me that I shouldn't keep things bottled up inside? I don't know, dude, seems a little hypocritical. You need to process that kind of stuff. I've had to learn the signs of PTSD in teacher training and I know what it can do to a guy. I don't want that to happen to you, man."

Puck could see the worry in his friend's eyes. He knew why he was scared. Puck had seen some of his fellow soldiers struggle with the ramifications of war. He still couldn't think about the guy who had killed himself last year. He had been over Reid Thomas during his second tour in Afghanistan and had heard the distress call come in over the radio. Thomas was already missing a hand when Puck pulled up in the Humvee. He had covered a young woman with his own body to prevent her from being shot during friendly fire gone wrong. She had died anyway.

"There were so many little kids over there that lost their families. And the mothers and the fathers that lost their own kids," Puck said, staring blankly at the wall. Those haunting brown eyes filled his mind. "They would be playing stickball in the street one corner and then be nothing more than a pile of limbs the next moment all because some religious zealot decided that it was better to blow himself up than accept aid from a Red Cross worker."

"They were so young, Finn, you can't imagine what it was like. Thank god you can't imagine it," Puck laughed humorlessly. "They were so happy and carefree despite the fact they lived in the middle of a warzone. They could have so easily been Jack and Gracie or Beth if God had dealt them a different hand. I know the cost of war firsthand, but I still can't reconcile that in my mind. Why do they have to die? There are so many bad people over there, so why does it have to be the kids? "

Puck wouldn't really say much more after that. Instead, he faked a yawn and told Finn that he wanted to get some sleep since they had appointments early with the real estate agent. Finn never told Puck that he knew his friend didn't get any more rest that night. He only knew because he didn't sleep a wink himself. Instead, he waited until after 5 a.m. when he heard Puck start to stir before he reached for his phone to call the kids. He had been aching to hear Gracie's little voice and Jack's laugh ever since Puck had told him that story the night before.

"They doing okay?" Puck asked when he got out of the shower.

Finn popped in the coffee pod and hit the start button on the brewer. "Yeah, Jack was excited because Burt is going to take him to the garage today. Mom is going to take Gracie over to see your mom actually. I guess they have some whole girls' day thing planned."

"Ma will love that," Puck grinned as he scrounged around in his bag for a clean shirt. His fingers brushed over the contract but he left it buried beneath a pair of jeans. "Anything else?"

"They asked about you," Finn said as he poured himself a cup of coffee and then one for Puck. He had already called ahead for some breakfast, just a few bagels and some fruit so they could get a decent start on the day. "Gracie wanted to make sure that you were really going to come home with me. I guess Burt let it slip that you were leaving out in California before you came home. She's afraid that I'm going to leave you here."

"Keep snoring like you were last night and I'll be the one to leave you here," Puck teased, but they both knew that Finn hadn't been snoring. He hadn't slept either. "You let her know that I was coming back, right? I don't want them to worry."

Finn smiled a little at that. "I promised her that I would bring you home safe and sound."

"Good."

"Can we talk some more about what you said last night?"

"Finn, c'mon…"

Finn held up his hand to stop his friend short. "You told me that I should talk to someone when I felt like I needed to, and some of the things you said got me thinking. We aren't going to talk about you, don't worry; this is all about me."

Puck took a drawl of his coffee and set his phone to vibrate. "I'm all ears."

"There's a reason I haven't been sleeping. I thought it was just anxiety at first but the dreams still haven't stopped. Some of the things you said last night got me thinking. Maybe you were right about the whole control thing; I'm not sure what it is exactly. I just know that I have these dreams. I feel guilty all the time. Why was it her and not me? I could have insisted that I had things under control, made her believe that we would be fine without her coming home for another week. She didn't have to charter that flight, Puck. There is no logical reason as to why she had to come to New York early. Kids get sick all the time. It's not the first time I'd had them alone. Why did she have to get on that plane?"

Finn looked idly out the window. "I was supposed to be there, did you know that? Originally, before Gracie got sick, I was going to fly out to LA for the weekend," he told his friend. "The kids were going to stay with Kurt and Blaine so that I could be the one to surprise her. It was one of our anniversaries, I forget which one, but I knew that she would think it was romantic. And I hadn't seen the version of the show she was doing out there so it seemed like just the thing."

"You know that if you had gone out there, it wouldn't have changed anything."

"You don't know that!"

"Rachel still would have been on that plane every single time, Finn. I don't know what Rachel was like with your kids, but I have no doubt that she was a good mom. Even if you hadn't already told me, I remember what she was like when we were in high school. She was always trying to take care of all of us. She would have wanted to be there with Gracie. The only thing that might have changed is that you could have died with her. Then where would we be?" Puck paused for a moment. "I mean, where would the kids be?"

Finn smiled a little at his friend's slip of the tongue. "Sometimes I just think it's karma," he confessed. "Like maybe if I had been a better person or something, we wouldn't have ended up there. I could have insisted that we were fine. Maybe she would have stayed."

"Finn, you're the best person I've ever known," Puck stopped him. "Your wife was incredible, no doubt, but you have always been the best person I've known." He repeated himself purposely so that his friend would understand just how much he meant what he was saying. "You could let this define you or you could define it. Rachel didn't die because you weren't good enough. She didn't die because you stayed behind with your kids. She died because it was her time. I know that answer sucks but it's the only way we can ever make sense of it."

There was a reason they were having this particular conversation. "And that right there, dude, is what I wanted you to get out of this," Finn said as he grinned at Puck over his coffee cup.

"You just made all that shit up?"

"No, it was all real," Finn said, "but I wanted you to say all the things I wanted to tell you. I knew you wouldn't really believe me if I was the one saying it to you, but you can't ignore your own advice. I don't know what happened over there, Puck. I'm not sure that I need to or that that is even the important part. I just need you to know that it's not your fault that it happened. You were doing your job. You made one of the hardest decisions a man cam make when you decided to put your life on the line to protect the country. I know that what happened isn't easy. The stuff that we dream about, it's always going to haunt us. But you can't let it define you. I won't let it."

Puck shook his head wryly. He really hated having his own wisdom turned around on him. He took a bite of his breakfast and watched as Finn grinned at himself proudly. Finn had always loved to help people, and this was the first time he had gotten to do what he does best since he lost Rachel. Puck couldn't take that away from him. He didn't even want to. Maybe Finn was right. Maybe he could be the one to help Puck. They could both use a little healing, and Puck didn't want to carry the demons of his past life with him into the future.

"So I'll talk to you when I need to talk to someone," he decided with a curt nod. He knew that it wouldn't be as easy as that, but it gave Finn a sliver of hope. "And if you need to talk to someone, you'll talk to me."

"We gotta talk to someone, man," Finn reminded him. "You know, I was sure I was going to be alone after I lost Rach. I still have those moments, especially at night, when I miss her so much. I feel so lonely that I can't ever imagine having anything else in my heart. But being around you and the kids, I don't know, it hurts less. I hope that being around us makes it hurt less."

Puck looked at his friend for a moment and then shoo k his head. "Okay, enough of this girly emotional crap, dude," he declared quickly. "We gotta go find a house for your kids."

Finn knew that it wasn't the last serious talk they were going to have about Rachel or about the Army, but he felt like they had gotten over a pretty big hurdle in that small motel room. It was just two old friends talking over coffee, far from the stuff where the world's problems are solved. However, as he followed Puck out to the rental car, he felt something he hadn't felt in two long months. He felt hope. He felt hope that they were both really going to be able to move on.


	7. Chapter 7

Finn had spent a lot of hours when he and Rachel had first started looking for a house. She had created this wish list of all the features she thought just had to go into their dream house, and like anything else in her life, she hadn't stopped until she had gotten exactly what she wanted. As was typically the case, Fin was a lot easier going about the situation than she was. As long as there were enough bedrooms for the family they were planning to have and a big yard he could chase their kids around in, he was going to be happy with wherever they ended up.

He had known that it was _the_ house as soon as they looked at it. It had only been on the market for a few days and the wait list for a showing was already pretty extensive. However, from the most they stepped into the living room, Finn was sure that this was the place where his kids were going to grow up. He could see the Christmas tree already set up in the corner, Rachel's menorah in the front window. He could see family snuggle sessions in front of the fireplace, a little pink nursery in the room at the end of the hall, a tire swing hanging from the tall oak in the backyard. Those were all visions that had come to fruition. It would be hard to leave those memories behind.

However, when he stepped into the rustic little bungalow in Berkeley, Finn knew that there were memories to be made in this new home as well. He could see Gracie practicing her ballet in the small storage space just off the basement stairs. He could imagine playing baseball in the huge empty lot across the street with Jack. He could envision himself grading papers at the dining room table. He could picture Puck yelling at the Browns game in the spacious living room. He could see his family there; he could see their life there.

"This is it," Puck mused as he walked around the aforementioned living room. Finn watched him run his fingers along the crown molding that hugged one of the door frames. Whatever it was that Finn was feeling about the house, it was evident that Puck was feeling it too. "This is the house. I think this is where we should live."

"Yeah?" Finn asked as he came over to stand next to his friend. They looked out the big picture window and then at each other. "I think so too."

Puck turned to him with the biggest grin on his face. "I think we should make an offer, we have to. I don't want to lose this place," he said excitedly. It was the first time he had let himself hope for a future that centered on someone other than himself in a very long time. "We haven't really talked about financials but…"

"I'm going to sell the house in New York. We should get some decent equity out of the house, so you don't need to worry about it."

"_But_," Puck continued with a smirk, "I want us to do this equally. I don't want you to feel like you have to take care of everything, man. I have some money, quite a bit actually, I just want to be able to do my part. I've saved for something, though I never really knew what, for a long time. I want to use some of it on this."

"Are you sure?"

"Dude, yeah, of course," Puck shook his head as he laid his hand on Finn's bicep absently. Finn could tell that it was casual, that his friend probably didn't even realize he had done it, but that didn't prevent a series of sparks from dancing onto his skin. "I know we've talked about what I want to do next. I still don't know exactly, but I know I want to do this. I want to buy this house with you, with your family."

Finn smiled before calling out to the real estate agent. Twenty minutes later, they had written down a generous offer that made the petite blonde woman light up with a pleased smile. It was significant enough that she knew that the sellers would likely accept the bid. She left the guys alone in the backyard while she went into the house to call the couple selling the home.

"So I was thinking about what we talked about the other day," Finn said once they were alone again. "I know you said you didn't really know what you wanted to do, and I was thinking maybe you could take some time to figure it out. I am going to have to get a job out here but you seem like you might want the down time. Maybe you could just hang out for a little while so the kids could adjust. I know it's going to be hard for them to move, no matter how excited they are, and it might be really awesome if you were able to just kind of stay home with them."

It sounded like he would be a kept man, but Puck knew that he had enough in savings to make sure that he was contributing. Besides, it would probably be a good idea for Gracie and Jack to have someone around, at least in the beginning, while Finn worked. And he really liked spending time with the kids, getting to see these moments that he had missed out on in his own daughter's life. He would have never agreed to it ten years ago, ten months ago or even ten weeks ago, but now, he was willing to sacrifice his ego and his pride to make sure everything was okay for Finn's kids.

"Like a kept man?" he asked. He smiled at Finn in a way that let him know that Puck was agreeing without actually needing to say the word. He might be willing to reprioritize for the kids, but he still had a reputation to uphold. "I'll do whatever they need Finn, you know that."

The real estate agent came bursting out the backdoor then, an even bigger smile on her aged features. She told the two men that their bid had been accepted and that contingent approval on the loan and other requisite paperwork, they would be able to close on the sale within 30 days. Puck felt himself being pulled into a tight hug. He didn't have much choice but to allow the man's massive arms to wrap around him. They pulled back excitedly, both of them talking at the same time about all the plans they would have to make.

"We should take pictures of the house for the kids to see," Puck told Finn as they followed the agent back into the house. "Maybe you could do a video tour or something too. I'm sure my ma and your parents will want to see everything."

"I'm going to go return messages so I'll just leave you two to it," the agent smiled. Finn realized that she didn't know the specifics of the situation and likely assumed that they were together. He thought that should probably bother him more than it did, but he didn't really feel the need to correct her. "I'll be in the kitchen. Just find me when you're ready to go."

Finn grabbed Puck by the wrist and led him up the stairs. The two of them excitedly walked from room to room, making plans for who would get what space. Finn insisted that Puck have the master suite at one of the hallway. "It'll be easier if I'm down here at the other end by the kids," he pointed out. "I was thinking that Gracie could have the one at the top of the stairs and Jack would take the smaller one closer to me. I can't wait to help them paint."

Puck could already see the stains that those three were going to make. "There is the spare room downstairs plus the office," he pointed out. "We can make the office into a useable space that we can all take advantage of, set up a separate computer for the kids. And we should have a place where your parents can stay if they come to visit or Ma and Sarah."

"Or Beth," Finn said quietly, holding Puck's gaze intently. "We could talk to Shelby, maybe fly her out when we get settled."

Puck grinned but went on. "And that storage room is going to be perfect for the kids to have some play space. We could put Gracie's ballet barre up down there with a couple mirrors."

"I already thought of that!"

"Glad we're on the same page then," Puck said as he followed Finn into what would be his room. It was the biggest bedroom Puck had ever had to himself. He walked over to the closet and then to peer out over the backyard through the French doors that led to the small balcony off his bedroom. He turned back around at Finn and smiled softly. "This is going to be our home, dude."

"Yeah," Finn breathed softly.

Puck crossed the room quietly. He wasn't sure what he was doing but he pulled Finn into a hug. This one was more gentle, more sure than the other hug. "Seriously, Finn, thank you," Puck exhaled softly. "Thank you for sharing your family with me, for letting me do this with you. I haven't had a home in a really long time, not since I lived with Ma and Sar. But you, this place, this is already home."

Finn leaned back to look at his friend, surprised to see tears there. Finn reached up and wiped them away. He had heard all these things from Puck at different times, but this time was different. This time there was more that he wasn't saying, more that Finn was feeling himself in that moment. It scared him a little. He wasn't sure what to make of it or the fact that his heart was screaming that it was too soon. None of it really made sense to Finn so he pushed it down like he always did. He just patted Puck on the back awkwardly before leaning over to hug him again.

"Sorry I keep acting like a pussy, dude," Puck said as he stepped away.

"Hey," Finn shot back, catching him by the wrist. "Don't apologize to me for being real. You don't get to hide this stuff anymore, not from me, man."

They didn't talk anymore after that. Instead, Puck took an endless stream of photos of the rooms upstairs and then downstairs. Finn filmed them walking through the house, pointing out things that he knew the kids would want to know. They showed them the backyard, the basement, the view up and down the street. When they were sure they'd gotten enough, they asked the agent to take a photo of the two of them in front of the house. They each sent the snapshot off to their mothers and Finn might have maybe even made it his wallpaper.

"We should celebrate," Finn said excitedly as they drove back toward the hotel.

They would start the long drive back to Ohio late tomorrow after looking around the neighborhood at the schools and other significant sights. Finn had even set up an interview with a school on the drive out west. They had a whole life to plan.

"We should celebrate at a bar," Puck corrected his friend, and for the next several hours, that is exactly what they did.

Later, after grabbing a taxi to take them back to their room, Finn helped Puck to bed and headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Puck was already passed out when Finn came back into the bedroom. Finn pulled off Puck's shoes and managed to maneuver his heavy legs beneath the thin comforter. He rearranged the blankets around Puck's chin before reaching over to flick off the lamp. Finn stood there for a moment afterward, watching Puck's chest rise and fall in the sliver of moonlight that came through the thick curtains on the window. He was suddenly, strangely, completely caught up in the man's beauty.

Finn knew that it was more than the physical that had captivated him. Puck has been incredible all the weeks, and yet, today, he made Finn feel like he was the incredible one. It was as if he wasn't the selfish one asking Puck to change his entire life to help him. It was as if he was the one giving him a second chance. Puck has been taking care of his family all the time and Finn just wants to take care of him in return. He wants to make sure that nothing bad ever hurts him again and that he forgets what he saw when he was at war. He wants to replace the bad memories with new ones, better ones, with this family. It was one they had built themselves, quickly but wholly.

"I'm going to take care of you too," he whispered as he watched Puck for another moment. "I promise, we're going to take care of each other out here. You won't ever be alone again; I won't let you. I don't know what this is, man, but I know that my kids need you. And I need you – we need each other."

Finn was just about to walk back over to his bed when Puck's hand reached out blindly in the dark. "Finn," he whispered, somehow managing to find Finn's fingers despite the lack of light.

"Yeah?"

"I don't understand what is going on," he confided in a tiny little voice. "Just don't freak out and kick me out of your life later, okay?"

Finn could tell by his friend's sleepy tone that he was barely coherent and likely wouldn't even remember the conversation tomorrow. So he decided to just agree with whatever Puck was saying rather than question it. "Sure, buddy," he pledged, brushing his thumb across the top of Puck's had comfortingly. His friend made a sleepy little sound before pulling his hand back. "Goodnight, Puck."

"Good night, Finn."


	8. Chapter 8

All things considered, Puck had to consider their California journey a great success. Though he had woken up with a killer hangover the night after they celebrated their home purchase (the first of Puck's life actually), he was still up earlier than Finn to get them coffee and cinnamon rolls from the cute diner on the corner. He had already snatched an area map from the hotel lobby and picked out a few places he wanted to drive by during Finn's interview. The tall man was sitting by the window when Puck returned, just watching idly as the sun peaked over the horizon. He smiled at Puck brilliantly when he handed over the steaming cup of java.

"Nervous?"

"Nah, I'm always good at this kind of stuff," Finn shrugged off. He had done a little research before they'd left Lima about the school district. He knew that he would be a good fit for the music program and had brought a show reel of the work he'd done in New York to prove it. "Besides, if this isn't the right place, we'll find one. It doesn't all have to happen today."

Puck couldn't help but feel like there was more to that statement than met the eye. He could have easily been talking about every other detail in their lives right now. "I'm sure you'll kill it," Puck told him confidently. It was impossible not to love Finn, and Puck knew firsthand how well his friend did with kids. He was pretty amazing with Jack and Gracie, and he had no doubt that Finn was an amazing teacher. "I thought I'd check out the neighborhood until you're done."

"Sounds good, see if you can find a grocery store and a pediatrician's office," Finn rattled off. "We're going to check out schools afterward, right?"

"Yeah, I talked to the district's secretary. She's going to give us a rundown of the elementary schools we can pick from," Puck answered, liking the sound of 'we' that they were constantly using in reference to the activities of their day. He liked working in tandem with Finn as part of their little familial team.

So after a quick breakfast and even quicker showers, Puck drove Finn over to the high school and dropped him off with wishes of luck. He watched as his friend strode confidently into the towering building as if he already had the job. He couldn't help but smile to himself when Finn turned around at the last minute and raised his hand to wave. Two hours later, he picked up Finn with a job contract in hand.

Puck spent the next several minutes on the drive over to the superintendent's office talking about all the things he had found. He'd found three pretty decent markets that would accommodate most of their needs as well as a brand new hospital with an accompanying row of medical offices. He'd even talked to the pediatrician at one office, a kind old man with gentle blue eyes and plenty of lollipops on the counter. He had liked the feel of the place enough to snag a business card so that he could talk it over with Finn. He'd also tracked down a decent mall, a big park with bicycle paths and hiking trails, the local library, a children's museum and a hardware store.

"Such a good wife," Finn teased as Puck parallel parked the rental car in front of the small brick building. Puck shot his friend a withering glare. "Seriously, man, thanks for doing all that work. Look how much we accomplished in just a few hours, we're a kickass team!"

"Right on, dude," Puck agreed, bumping his fist against Finn's over the top of the car. "You have Jack's transcripts, right?"

"Yeah, man, they're in my bag," Finn answered, tapping his hand against his brown leather messenger bag. He followed closely behind Puck, waiting as the shorter man held the door open for him to go in. He smiled kindly at the petite redhead waiting as they came into the lobby. "Hello, we have an appointment to talk about school for our kids."

Finn didn't notice the slip and neither did Puck. The two of them just followed the kind woman back to a small meeting room, stopping to pour tiny Styrofoam cups of lukewarm coffee from an old carafe. She spent much of the next hour patiently answering questions about curriculum, class sizes, policies and such for both men. They had narrowed it down between two schools, which they planned to tour with Jack when they got settled right after the New Year.

"Now, you and your partner will both want to be there when your son does the tour," the secretary warned them. "The principals typically like to meet both parents."

"Partner?" Puck asked confusedly as Finn said, "We're not together."

"Oh, well, I just assumed," she said apologetically. "You said our kids…"

Finn looked at Puck quickly. "Did I? I'm sorry, they're my children," Finn corrected himself as professionally as he could manage. "Puck and I grew up together. My wife just died a few months ago, so he's been helping me with the kids."

Her face changed from awkward to sympathetic in a moment. "I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you," Finn said quietly, unsure of what else to do. "But Puck is going to be here with them and stuff, so he'll come to the meeting too. He's going to be their emergency contact besides me so he should know all that stuff."

"That sounds fine," the secretary replied, jotting down notes on the yellow legal pad she'd carried in with her. "I gave Mr. Puckerman an information sheet on both schools so that you can make appointments. If you have any questions in mean time, please don't hesitate to give us a call."

The two men thanked her politely before escaping into the afternoon sun. Puck hadn't said a word since the secretary had mistakenly placed him as half of a relationship. He shook it off as soon as they were in the car, not wanting the awkwardness to replace the good day they had been having. They drove around for a little while longer to take in the area, Puck pointing out a place here and there that would probably come in handy. Finn even spotted a boxing club where his friend would be able to work off his frustrations. Puck had always responded really well to physical activity.

"Think we should call the kids?" Puck asked as they headed back to their room. It was late enough that they were probably home for the evening. "I feel like we haven't seen them in days and days."

"Yeah, I miss them too," Finn smiled as he pulled his phone out. Puck smirked to himself a little when he saw his friend's wallpaper. He scrolled through his contacts until his finger landed on Carole's name. Moments later, she was handing the phone over to Gracie. "Amazing Gracie!"

"Daddy!" she squealed excitedly. "Did you find us a house?"

Finn messed with the phone for a moment until it was on speaker. He tilted it toward Puck, nodding encouragingly for the other man to deliver the news. "We found us a house," Puck told her happily. "It has four bedrooms upstairs for all of us and a big backyard and even a place downstairs for you to dance."

"Is there a pool?"

"Not at the house but at the gatehouse just down the block," Finn answered. "It'll be so close that it will be almost just like having your own pool."

"What else is there?" she asked before muffling the phone. "Jack, come here, they found a house!"

Puck grinned at the sound of little feet running excitedly. "There is a big lot across the street where we can play baseball and a great tree in the backyard for a swing," Finn told his kids. "And there's going to be plenty of space to play downstairs. There's even a room for Grandpa Burt and Grandma Carole to sleep in if they come visit."

"And Uncle Kurt and Uncle Blaine?" Jack asked worriedly. "We have to have room for them."

"There will be plenty of room for everyone," Puck promised. "Most of all, Daddy and I really think that you're going to be happy there. It's got lots of trees to climb and kids in the neighborhood. We even looked at schools for you guys. And best of all, your Daddy got a job so we're going to have to move soon!"

Gracie clapped excitedly. "Yay, it's already way too cold in Ohio!"

Finn and Puck chuckled in agreement. They heard Carole call out that it was time for dinner in the background. "Alright, you better go see what Grandma made," Finn said. "We'll be home in a few days, I can't wait to see you guys."

"I can't wait to see you either," Jack said.

"Yeah, we really miss our dads," Gracie added.

"Uh, Gracie…" Puck choked out.

"We miss you too," Finn said, shutting Puck down. The last thing any of them needed was for Puck to correct them. "Love you, guys."

"We love you more," Gracie giggled. "Daddy, hug Uncle Puck tight for me, okay?"

"Yeah, Uncle Puck," Jack agreed, "you hug Daddy even tighter for me."

The kids ended the call and neither Puck nor Finn said anything for the longest moment. Puck felt like he should say something about what just happened, but he couldn't find the words. Instead, he opted to watch Finn watching him and tried not to worry about what came next. Hearing Gracie refer to him as her dad, it was always something he'd wanted from Beth. That did something to a guy. There was a definite tug in his heart that he knew he couldn't ignore.

"So that just happened," Puck said finally, his voice higher than normal.

"Yeah," Finn said quietly. He had never expected that from his kids either. "But it's okay, right?"

Puck lifted his left shoulder in a shrug. "Like I have the right answers?" he asked rhetorically. "But it felt good, hearing that, it was nice."

Finn nodded a little. "Yeah, it was," he decided. He kept waiting for Puck to freak out a little more than he was, but he was glad that his friend was so calm. "It felt like a beginning."

"To what?"

"I don't know, dude," Finn answered honestly. "I don't think I'm quite ready to figure it out."

"We will though," Puck said, "Eventually, you know, we'll get all of this down."

Later, after dinner, the two of them started to pack up their room. "I have an idea," Puck suggested almost out of nowhere. "We can't drive across the country with the kids, and the train will take too long. What if we fly here?"

"I…no, I can't," Finn shook his head vehemently as he folded a dirty shirt into his duffel bag. "Puck, please."

"Finn, you can't avoid it forever," Puck told him patiently. "The kids shouldn't have to endure sitting shotgun in a moving van for several days. I know that you can do this."

"What if I freak out? I don't want to scare them."

Puck smiled up at him. "That's where the other part of my brilliant plan comes into play," he grinned. "Rather than just flying out here for the first time, what if we fly home? I'm done with this damn rental car anyhow. We don't need it back in Lima since you have Kurt's old one. I'll get the rest of my deposit back from the company and buy us plane tickets. That one you have one under your belt before we bring them out."

Finn didn't know what to say but he knew that he trusted Puck. "Okay, do you think we could get home tonight though? I really want to put the kids to bed if I am going to get on an airplane after all."

"Give me five minutes," Puck said as he pulled out his phone. Finn continued packing while Puck scoured the flight schedules out of SFO. He scrawled down a few notes on a piece of hotel stationary with times and flight numbers. He slid it across the table for Finn to see while he headed toward the bathroom to scoop the rest of his stuff. He didn't go through anything, just dumped it into his backpack on top of his dirty clothes. "There we go, I'm packed. Let's go home."

Two hours later, at the end of what had already been a very long day, Puck found himself sitting beside Finn in first class. They had been the last two fairs on the booked flight to Columbus, costing Puck a pretty penny that he considered to be worth every cent. He had offered to stop off and get Finn some kind of drugs at the pharmacy in the airport but Finn had refused. He had to know that he could do this completely sober, so he wouldn't even accept the complimentary champagne the stewardesses had brought around. Puck had declined in solidarity with his friend but planned to get a beer a little bit after takeoff. Finn had already agreed to drive them home.

"I'm scared," Finn murmured softly as the plane taxied out toward the runway. There were only a few jets in front of them, so it wouldn't be too long before they were up in the air. "I never used to be scared of flying and now I'm absolutely terrified."

"Hey, man, I got you," Puck promised, allowing his right leg to fall against Finn's. The man's right arm was pressed firmly against the window but his other one clung tightly to the armrest between them. Puck reached down to pry Finn's fingers off the seat and wrapped his own around them. It was purely instinctual to touch Finn, and Puck didn't even fully realize what he had done until he felt Finn's hand relax in his. "Close your eyes."

"What? Why?"

"Just trust me," Puck murmured. He waited until Finn's eyes were closed before he bent his head close to him. "I want you to think about the house. Think about where Gracie's room and where Jack's is, where you are and where I am. Imagine Gracie's light yellow walls and Jack's dark blue ones. Think about the big wooden playground set you know we're going to end up buying for the backyard."

"And a grill, maybe a patio table and some chairs," Finn added. "You know, the kind with a big umbrella so we can eat out there on really sunny days."

"Anything you want," Puck promised him. He felt the plane's motor start to accelerate as they surged ahead. Finn's grip never tightened. "Think about big messy breakfasts in the kitchen, the kids covered in flour and pancake batter. Think about movie nights in the living room, popcorn tucked between everyone while we watch some cartoon. Do you see all of that?"

"Yeah," Finn said dreamily. His eyes flew open as the wheels left the tarmac. He gazed at Puck in quiet wonder. "How did you do that? I didn't even notice."

Puck grinned cockily. "All part of the charm, Hudson," he teased. He started to let go of Finn's hand, but the other man squeezed it then. _Okay, so that's happening_, he thought to himself. It felt nice, and that nice feeling felt weird. "What else do you see?"

Finn closed his eyes as did Puck. He must have talked for an hour about all the things they were going to do in that house, and then somewhere over Colorado, he fell asleep with promises of Thanksgiving dinner hanging on his lips. Puck followed him into slumber just a few minutes later. The two of them never stopped holding hands the entire way, not even after when Puck led Finn off the plane to where a new rental car was waiting for them. They only let go when they got into the house to scoop a surprised Gracie and Jack off their feet.

Puck's hands missed Finn's immediately.

* * *

_Author's note: Dear readers, I am so pleased by the positive support that most of you have lent to me in this very AU story. I understand that most of you know me from my Puckleberry fics, but I think you've known from the beginning of the first chapter that this story would take a different path. For some, that seems to have been an unpopular opinion, and for those people, I simply say that this story is not for you. For everyone else, thank you for your warm kindness. As writers, we all have stories to tell. This is one of mine._


	9. Chapter 9

"I want to sit by the window!"

"No, I'm sitting by the window!"

The argument had been going on for twenty-six minutes exactly. Puck had been timing it with his military-issue watch, so he was sure that it was correct down to the second. He thought it was synced with some secret tower on the North Pole or something; he could never remember. Either way, the entire drive from Lima to Columbus in Burt's SUV had been spent with Jack and Gracie fighting. He knew that he should throw Finn a bone and reveal that it was possible that they could both sit by the window since they actually had two pairs of seats on either side of an aisle, but his taller counterpart had left him to say goodbye to his mother alone that morning. Paybacks were hell under the best of circumstances, and an angry Mama Puckerman was not to be messed with.

"Fine, fine, you know what? Neither of you are sitting by the window," Finn declared. "You are both going to sit in the middle seats, one of you with Puck and the other by me. There will be no arguments either. I have had enough of listening to you two bicker."

"But Daddy!" Gracie wailed, and Puck was struck not for the first time how much she sounded like her mother. Rachel would have been proud. "I want to sit by Jack in case he gets scared. He can sit by the window, I promise that we'll be good."

Puck looked over at the little girl proudly. She was smarter than her three years would suggest and was constantly finding these little ways to take care of her older brother. She was the little woman of their house, and he had no doubt that she would be Mama Hen by the time she was old enough to understand what that meant. The thought was the first time that Puck had allowed himself to think about the future with Finn's family more than a year in the future. It was the first time he admitted that he wanted more than a year. The thought was both frightening and exhilarating.

"I don't know, Puck," Finn pretended to consider. "What do you think? Are you willing to sit with me so that Jack can sit with his sister?"

Tapping his index finger to his chin in mock consideration, Puck looked between the two kids with their pleading wide eyes. "I guess I could sit by Daddy, but only if you promise to be really, really good on the plane," Puck told them seriously. They had opted for a late flight hoping that the kids would sleep. Even though they were old enough to know that they needed to behave in public, asking them to be perfect angels for five hours was hardly fair. "Do you think you can promise Daddy and me that?"

"I promise," Gracie said, fluttering her eyes for dramatic effect. Puck only smirked and shook his head in disbelief. Pure Rachel Berry. "We promise, don't we, Jack?"

Once Jack had promised and Burt had pulled the SUV to the gate, the Hudsons piled out of the car with Puck in tow. They had all said their goodbyes to Carole back at the house in Lima, Finn knowing full well that his mom always cried when he had to drop them off at the airport. Puck grabbed the bags and loaded them on the luggage cart so that the family had time to say goodbye. Burt lined up both of the kids and knelt in front of them so that he could hug them gently.

"You guys have been super brave for Daddy," Burt told them softly. "And you're going to have so much fun in California. I can't wait until you can show me your new bedrooms and your school! I am going to miss you so much, but you guys are going to have such a fun time on your new adventure. I love you both."

Gracie hugged Burt and then Jack. They two of them wandered over to play on the edge of the cart while Finn said a private goodbye to Burt. "If you need anything, ever, you just call your mom and me. You got it?" Burt asked, looking Finn straight in the eye. He felt like he did the day he put him on the train to move to New York with Rachel. And just as he had on that day, he pulled out his wallet and pushed a twenty into Finn's hand. The teacher tried to refuse but Burt insisted before he pulled him into a tight hug. "I am so proud of you, Finn. I love you, son."

Finn slipped back, watching as Burt played with his keychain. "Puckerman, come here," he insisted, not looking up from his feet. Puck knew it was because the man was crying; he didn't really know what to do. Finn came over to steady the cart, which had turned into jungle gym by then. "Listen, I just want you to know how much I appreciate you helping Finn. I know that you've changed your entire life for him and those kid. If they ever need me - if you ever need me - you know how to get ahold of me. I will fly out there on a moment's notice for any of your four."

"Thanks, Burt," Puck murmured softly, shoving his hands nervously into his pocket.

"No, Puck," Burt insisted, looking his into eyes meaningfully, "thank you."

The flight to California was a long one, but it only took thirty minutes for the kids to get over the excitement of being on an airplane. Gracie didn't even make it to beverage service before she fell asleep, but Finn still snatched her an apple juice box in case she woke up thirsty later on. Jack was still awake then but only drank half of his chocolate milk. Puck got a blanket to spread over them from a stewardess, making sure that it was freshly packaged so that it was free from the usual plane germs. Finn was mostly quiet, definitely more relaxed than he had been the first time. He still had grabbed Puck's hand on takeoff and they somehow kept finding each other over the armrest.

The sun was just coming up on the west coast when they landed in San Francisco. Puck had arranged for the base to send his car up, so it was already waiting for them while they climbed tiredly into the early morning. Jack slept against Puck's chest while Gracie ambled along beside Finn on the way to the long-term parking. The moving company would have Finn's car along with most of he other stuff he had wanted from the New York house in a few days.

"How did you get carseats already?" Finn asked as he worked to buckle Jack into the seat. Gracie was already in her booster seat, her little head pressed against the glass.

"Had the guys take care of it," he remarked as he shoved their luggage in Jeep's trunk. "Why don't you sleep while I drive tot he house? The kids are going to be excited when we get there, so you might not get anymore rest."

The car was quiet on the way to the house, a steady stream of drive time classic rock the only sounds to keep him company. The city was just starting to wake up, and thankfully, they were headed in the opposite direction of rush hour traffic. Their neighborhood was only a little more active by the time they got to the house. Puck gently shook Finn awake after he had turned off the Jeep in the garage.

"Wake up," he whispered as Finn slowly woke up. He smiled that blurry smile of his as he realized who was talking to him. "We're home."

"We're home," Finn repeated, his voice full of musing wonder. "Home, you and me and the kids, we're all home."

Puck nodded slowly and then glanced back at the kids. "Do you want to wake them up?"

"You get Gracie, I'll take Jack," Finn declared. They slipped out of the Jeep and into the backseat to wake them softly. "Jack, buddy, we're here."

"Sleeping Beauty, it's time to rise and shine, we're at the house!"

Once the magic words had been spoken, the kids were both awake and full of energy. They spent the better part of the next hour combing through the house room by room. Gracie fell in love with her window seat immediately, climbing up onto the padded ledge so she could look at the leafy yard below. Jack stood in the middle of the living room, looking at the huge screen that Puck had installed without even Finn knowing. Father and son were already making plans about the video game tournaments they would have in there. Puck was content to hang back and watch happily from the doorframe.

The rest of the day was pretty perfect. They went for a walk around the neighborhood so that Finn could show Gracie the pool. They also stopped by the park so the kids could run off some energy, and by the time they left, the kids had a few friends from the neighborhood and the guys had the name and number of a reliable babysitter. Puck treated everyone to pizza for a late lunch afterward. He took the kids to play in the arcade for a few minutes while Finn called to make sure that the cable would be on when they got home. Once he had gotten the answer he needed, he followed after Puck and the kids so he could beat his friend in a few games of skee ball. Puck ended up killing him in every single one.

"I'm tired," Gracie announced after she had wasted her last token playing a fishing game.

"Yeah, I'm tired too," Jack decided.

Their bodies thought it was three hours later than it actually was in California. "Alright, guys, we'll head home," Finn agreed. He took Puck's keys to drive for him, since his friend was basically dead on his feet. "I know it's early but I think they're down for the night. We'll have to start working on getting all of us on a schedule."

"Daddy, will you tuck me in?" Jack asked when they were all back home.

"I got her," Puck said as he picked up Gracie and headed toward her bedroom. Their new beds were already set up with new blankets courtesy Grandma Carole. Gracie had picked out some white princess monstrosity that was pretty much everything that Puck would have never chosen. Jack's was a simple wooden bed with a football quilt that reminded him a little of the one Finn had when they were kids.

Puck could hear the comforting sounds of Finn tucking Jack into bed from down the hallway as Gracie climbed into her new bed on her own. "You're getting to be such a big girl already," Puck praised her. He rearranged the purple sparkly comforter up around her shoulders before leaning over to press a kiss to her forehead. This was his favorite part of being around Finn and the kids, just the simple aspect of being part of their routine. "Alright, Gracie, I will see you in the morning."

"No, you didn't sing to me," she said as she always did. Gracie patted the edge of the mattress like every night and waited for him to sit down beside her. Once they were situated on the bed, Puck flipped off the lamp next to her bed so that her Snow White nightlight could illuminate the room. "Okay, now I'm ready."

He leaned back against the wall beside her and started to sing the same ballad he had sung to her most nights since he had started helping put the kids to bed. "Once there was a way to get back homeward. Once there was a way to get back home," he sang softly, stroking her hair while she closed her eyes. "Sleep, pretty darling, do not cry and I will sing a lullaby."

"Golden slumbers fill your eyes," he harmonized, his volume getting lower and lower as the song went on. "Smiles away you when you rise. Sleep pretty darling, do not cry, and I will sing a lullaby."

Gracie was asleep before he even went into the second verse. He leaned over to give her a final kiss but noticed something out of the corner as he stood back up. Finn was there watching him again.

"I forgot what that sounded like," Finn murmured softly. The two of them wandered down the hall a little but stopped halfway between their rooms. He had never witnessed the lullabies that Puck sang to Gracie. It was kind of their thing. "The Beatles, right?"

"Yeah, 'Golden Slumbers,' a real classic," Puck replied just as quietly. He studied Finn for a moment, knowing that something big was about to happen.

Finn stepped closer to Puck. "Your voice, you sounded amazing," he told him in this low voice that Puck he had only heard his friend use once during junior year when he was trying to get Quinn back. "Singing to my daughter, that, Noah."

It's that single word, the use of his first name, that finally breaks Puck's resolve. He leaned forward and reached for Finn's wrist, drawing the man's sturdy frame to him. Puck tilted his head up and pressed his lips chastely for the briefest of moments. Finn was hesitant for a moment before he splayed his large hands over Puck's lower back. Puck teased the tip of his tongue against Finn's pursed mouth until he was finally granted entrance. It lasted a little bit longer the second time, but all too soon, both men pulled back abruptly.

"Uh, um, yeah," Finn rambled anxiously. "What, uh, was that, um?"

Puck rubbed his hand over his shaved head. "I don't know."

"We can't do that again, not here in front of the kids," Finn said, almost angrily.

Puck paced a little down the hallway and then turned back around. "Again?"

Finn covered his face with his hand. "I don't know, man, we can't do anything else until we figure out what is going on," he replied with a frustrated groan. "Everything is all mixed up and I still don't know that I'm ready to move on. But there's stuff here, good stuff, that we should talk about."

"After we're settled," Puck suggested.

"Next week, after we've both had time to think about what we want," Finn agreed. "We have to keep everything under wraps until then. I don't want to confuse the kids anymore than they already are."

"Finn..."

The taller man reached out and took Puck's hand. "I know, man," he whispered. "I know."

Neither of them said a word as they retreated back toward their bedroom, but Finn couldn't sleep. Puck had a terrible nightmare two hours into the night, which resulted in Finn creeping down the hallway to keep vigil. He couldn't fall asleep knowing that Finn was just there watching over him so he yanked him down onto the mattress. "We'll figure it out what this all means in the morning," Puck mumbled sleepily before turning on his side and pressing his face into Finn's shoulder. Finn didn't have any trouble sleeping after that.


	10. Chapter 10

It took Puck a week, seven full days, before he was completely crawling out of his skin.

On the outside, it looked like nothing had changed. He still worked perfectly in sync with Finn to get things done. They worked alongside each other to help enroll Jack in the right school, get Gracie signed up for a play group, find Finn a new car, unpack the house and meet with the various vendors they needed before California started to feel like home. They ran errands together, shopped together, ate dinner together and more often than not, fell asleep together. However, they never touched or kissed. Finn still insisted that they had to have the conversation first.

Two days into living with the Hudsons full time, Puck had realized that he had to do something about the nightmares first. He wanted to be a strong role model for Gracie and Jack, and that meant being sure that his head was in the right place. They were less frequent on the nights when Finn was around, but they were still enough to keep Puck staring at the ceiling for hours long after the sun had slipped from the sky. He had made a few calls to some guys he knew back at the base and got a couple names. He had finally settled on a local woman who specialized in PTSD with recent war veterans.

He went to two sessions before he brought up to Finn one night after the kids were in bed. The two of them were sitting quietly on the back deck, opened beers in hand, just listening to the sounds of the neighborhood as it shut down for the night. Finn was squinting up at the stars and Puck wondered briefly if he was looking for the stupid star he'd bought for Rachel back in high school. He never had the heart to tell his friend that was nothing more than a scam. Besides, he kind of liked watching Finn stargaze like that.

"So I'm seeing someone," Puck said finally, his voice barely audible. Finn turned to him immediately, eyes wide, and Puck realized what that sounded like. "No, no, nothing like that. I meant a therapist. I'm seeing a therapist."

It was something that they had talked about before, something that Finn had hoped that Puck would actually do. However, he knew that he couldn't push the issue because Finn was just becoming comfortable with talking to other people himself. It was true that Puck had been the one to push Finn toward professional help earlier, but the fact that the other man was seeking help made Finn's heart flutter. He knew that he and his family were a big reason for that. Puck was serious about a future with the Hudson family, whatever that was staring to look like.

Turning slightly in his wrought iron chair so that he could look at Puck straight on, he allowed a lazy but content smile to cross over his features. "That's great, man," he told him genuinely. "What's he like? Or she?"

"She's pretty good, just sort of lets me talk for a while without asking too many questions," he tried to explain. "I told her about the nightmares. She thinks she might be able to hope with that; I hope so. I just don't want to scare the kids one night if Gracie happens to come in and I'm in the middle of one of them. It wasn't as big of a deal when I was by myself but I'm not anymore. I have to start thinking of stuff like that."

"What else do you talk about?"

Puck heard Finn's unspoken question. He wanted to know if Puck was talking to the therapist about them. He smiled a little before shaking his head. There were some things he still wanted to keep private. Eventually, he was sure that he would tell her all about his family. He'd talk about Beth and Quinn and Finn and probably even Rachel. For now, he wanted to keep this thing with Finn for himself. He wasn't ashamed, just excited and probably a little scared.

"Mostly just the war stuff, things I saw and had to do," he answered. "There will be time for more later, but I need to work through this first. Besides, I have help with the other stuff, you know? That's what you're for."

"Yeah?" he asked rhetorically. His face lit up when Puck nodded in agreement. "I like that, that you can still take that kind of stuff to me. I know that it's been weird this week but I just needed to make sure that the kids were adjusting. They seem to like it, right? I worry that I'm so busy that I'm not noticing the little things. Gracie has been sleeping through the night again and Jack's pretty happy."

"Dude, they live in a place where the weather is perfect pretty much every day and they can get to the beach or the mountains within an hour. I think they're two of the happiest kids in the world," Puck reassured him. "They're doing great, Finn. So are you, you're doing a good job."

Finn scooted his chair a little bit closer to Finn's so that their knees were touching. It wasn't much, but he just needed to feel him. "Do you think…maybe we should talk now?"

Puck got up and emptied the rest of his beer in the outdoor sink just off the patio. "If we're going to do this, I want to do it sober and with a clear head," he said before he tossed the empty can into the recycling bin. "Why do I suddenly feel like this is the most important conversation I'm ever going to have?"

"Because it is," Finn replied honestly. Even with all the incredibly important conversations he'd ever had with Rachel when she was alive, none of them had ever mattered as much as this one. He had so much invested in this already. The three lives that mattered most to him in the world were riding on it. "I just want you to know that there's no pressure. Whatever you decide, I'm going to be okay with it. I just need for you to be honest and open with me."

He took a deep breath before he sat back down beside Finn. He reached over and drew Finn's larger hand into his. "Dude, you know that I suck with words. In fact, I pretty much suck at all the emotional crap," he admitted, "but you make me want to try in a way that I haven't wanted to in a really, really long time. And I know that this is weird, you have to know I never could have thought that I'd want it, but I do. I want to be with you, try to make this work, to have you guys as my family. Like forever, not just a year, but for as long as you guys will have me."

For a guy who wasn't good with words, what Puck had said had been pretty much perfect. "I need this to work, Puck," he told him insistently. "If it was just me, you know I'd just jump in with both feet and hope that it worked out. But it's not just me; I have to think about the kids. They just lost their mom and it's still so fast. I'm still not all the way over Rachel and I can't even imagine how confusing this must be for them."

"First of all, you're never going to be all the way over Rachel and I am okay with that. She was a great love in your life and the mother of your children. No matter how much time has passed, I'm always going to love Quinn for that reason alone. You didn't choose to let go Rachel; that's just the hand life dealt to you. I know exactly why I am getting this chance. Don't think I expect you to be over her."

"There you go again," Finn chuckled. "Saying something perfect again."

Puck blushed cutely under Finn's happy gaze. "And second, your kids are the first thing I'm thinking about here too," he promised. "Finn, you have to know that I wouldn't chance them for anything. I wouldn't do this if I didn't think we have the best chance possible to work. I'm not saying that I won't mess up; we both know that I'll probably be a total disaster at some point. But I'm always going to stay, for them and for you, and I hope that outweighs any of the mistakes I might make in the end."

Finn squeezed Puck's hand. "I don't know what they would do if they lost you too," he confessed, the slightest hint of fear evident in his voice. "I guess I don't know what I would do if I lost you."

"Will never happen again," Puck pledged. He had left his friend behind once before and other than giving up Beth, it was probably the hardest thing he'd ever done. "I'm not going anywhere, man, I promise. Even if you and I don't work out for some reason, you're still going to be my best friend. I am always going to be there for your kids. I am going to protect them and support them and love them just like they are my own. The only thing I need to hear from you is that is what you want too. I need to know that you want to try this. God, Finn, I just need to hear that you want to be with me."

Out of all the conversations Finn Hudson ever thought that he would have with Noah Puckerman in his life, this was probably one of the last ones. However, as he looked up into those hazel eyes that he had known (and missed) for so long, he also knew that his entire life had been leading up to that moment. Beth and Quinn, losing Rachel, running away to the Army, living in New York – all of the decisions they had both made had brought them here to this confusing, crazy, wonderful place.

"I want to be with you."

"Thank God," Finn heard Puck breathe out before he covered Finn's mouth with his own. Finn was surprised by the kiss but returned it with equal fervor, even going as far as to drop puck's hand so he could thread his fingers through Puck's short hair. "I want this. You, I want you."

Finn nodded his forehead against Puck's, their noses bumping. It felt slow and fast at the same time, this maddening paradox of a situation that made him want to build up walls and tear them all back down in the same breath. He thought Puck was going to go in for another kiss but instead, Puck slipped his arms around Finn's back and pulled him into a hug. It felt safe; it felt like home.

A little bit later, after a little more kissing, Puck took Finn's empty beer can and threw it into the bin before leading him silently by the hand back toward his room. He kicked off his shoes near Finn's closet door and then threw his t-shirt on the floor by the bed. He nodded toward the mattress, the question dancing in his eyes. Finn turned the lock on the door and nodded in reply before following a similar path of undress. The two of them slipped into the bed and faced each other, still dressed in sweatpants and not touching. There would be nothing more than strictly PG action; there would be time for that later. For now, Finn just wanted the comfort of Puck's affection.

"Do you think it would be too gay if I just asked you to hold me?"

Puck smirked and shook his head. "We're already sharing a bed, dude, I think we passed that barrier a while ago," he teased him. He pushed at Finn's shoulder. "Turn over, you're going to be the little spoon."

It should have been awkward with the few inches that Finn had on Puck but they seemed to just fit together. Puck slid his arms around Finn's waist so that they clasped together over the abdomen. Finn leaned back a little and tried to thread his long legs through the loop formed by Puck's. Their heads rested on the same pillow, but Puck knew that he'd be reaching for his own as soon as Finn was asleep. He was all for cuddling but he needed his own space. Plus, there was nothing better than a cool pillow.

"I never dream about Rachel when I'm with you," Finn confessed to Puck in the dark. "I still dream about her all the time when you don't, you know, sleep in here. It's kind of comforting now because it's calmer. She's begging for me to save her. What if I quit remembering her now? I don't want to lose those dreams altogether."

Puck knew that Finn was probably more worried about the feelings of betrayal he had with Rachel. Finn was the kind of guy to worry what his dead wife would think about his new love affair with his best friend. Okay, so most guys would probably worry about that, but Finn was the type to worry about it a lot.

"Then you will take a nap alone or spend some time talking to Rachel, whatever you need to do so that you don't forget," Puck suggested. "And if that still doesn't work, you go look at those kids of yours and you'll remember all over again. There's so much of their mother in them that I swear Berry is stomping around this sometimes, waiting for me to realize my potential or something like she did when we were kids."

"You know, Rachel missed you too," Finn said. "I never told you that before but she talked about you sometimes. She'd wonder where you are, if you still had that Mohawk or if you were making music. I think she would be proud of how you ended up, Puck."

That notion actually made Puck feel really good. He hoped that Rachel would like the man he had become, especially now that he was part of her family. "Your girl, she was one of the good ones," Puck allowed before rubbing his hand comfortingly over Finn's side. He felt the teacher relax against him a little, this happy sigh escaping from his pursed lips.

"So's my guy," Finn said sentimentally. His hand covered Puck's on his stomach. "I mean it too, Puck, you're mine."

"I'm yours," Puck chuckled. "Dude, why does that sound so messed up?"

"Because it is and it's not all at the same time," Finn laughed. "I don't like guys but I like you."

"So what? I'm like your exception or something?"

Finn shook his head. "You're just mine, and that's all that really matters."

Puck was glad that the other man couldn't see his million-watt smile right then. It was a little too happy and open for his comfort. "Alright, enough with the sappy, cheesy confessions," he declared before snuggling a little closer to Finn. Just because he didn't want to say or hear those things right now didn't meant that he didn't feel all of them. "Make sure you wake me up before you get the kids up, okay? I don't want them to find me in here until we can talk to them."

"Got it," Finn muttered sleepily. They were both asleep two minutes later.

Puck didn't have any nightmares that night and Finn didn't dream of Rachel. Instead, Puck slept for eight hours straight for the first time in months and Finn didn't wake up a single time, which hadn't happened since he lost Rachel. The only downside was that neither of them woke up when the alarm went off. Instead, they woke up two hours later with Jack and Gracie pressed on either side of them. Puck decided he never wanted to wake up any other way ever again.


	11. Chapter 11

Five months after Finn said goodbye to Rachel and four weeks after he decided that maybe he should give this thing with Puck a try, he looked across the kitchen table at his two children and knew that it was time for another talk. He felt like he had been having a lot of important conversations since Rachel had died, and he couldn't help but think that she would know how to handle all of this better than he did. He often wondered what she would think about all of this and if she would be surprised that he ended up with Puck after her. Finn knew that he had been surprised and still was almost every day. The gentle, caring man that took care of his children (and him) was nothing like the guy who had been his best friend in high school. Rachel had always said that he'd had potential back in high school, but it was only now that Finn could fully understand what she had meant.

"I was thinking that we could do something today, just the three of us," he proposed before he took a long sip of coffee. He didn't look up at Puck. He hadn't talked to him about this and knew that there would probably be at least a tiny hint of hurt in his hazel eyes. "What do you guys want to do?"

Jack looked up from looking at the cartoon on the back of his cereal box and shrugged. "I don't care," he said in his small voice. "Why isn't Puck coming?"

That was another new family dynamic; somewhere along the way, he had stopped being there uncle and was simply known as Puck. Finn wasn't sure which he preferred.

"Yeah, I don't want to go unless he's going too," Gracie decided as she scooped a bite of her own fruity cereal into her tiny mouth. Puck reached out and smoothed her hair affectionately. She smiled up at him and giggled. Puck was close to both of his kids, but Gracie seemed to especially cling to him. "You have to come too, okay?"

"I think your daddy wants to spend some time alone with you guys," Puck explained to her. He looked over at Jack to make sure that he understood as well. He wasn't any surer what was going on than the kids were but he knew that he had to back up Finn. "I have some stuff I can do around the house while you're gone, and then when you're done, we'll all go out for supper."

Gracie didn't seem to like that answer as she dropped her spoon into the porcelain bowl in a loud thud. "I don't want to go unless Puck goes, Daddy," she told him defiantly. She rarely acted out, so Finn knew that she must really want the other man to go. "We're always together. I don't want to go bye-bye without him."

"Okay, Gracie," Finn said as he finally met Puck's eyes across the table. He tried to smile at him apologetically. Puck just frowned before reaching over to hand Gracie her spoon again. "We'll all go do something. What do you guys want to do?"

"Let's go to the park," Jack declared. "We went there the other day before you got home from work. Puck was showing me how to throw a spiral pass. He said that you used to throw the best ones when you were in school. Do you think you can help me?"

Finn's heart fluttered with excitement. "Of course, that's a great idea," he replied. He dared to look over at Puck again. The man still wasn't really looking at him, more interested in studying Jack's excited response to Finn's answer. "Maybe Gracie and Puck can play the receivers."

"I don't know, Gracie, think we can catch the balls that Jack and Daddy throw?"

"Yeah!" she clapped excitedly. "Let's go right now. I'll go put my shoes on!"

"Hold up," Finn said, barely catching her by the back of collar. "I think that we better finish our breakfast first. Once you're done eating and dressed, we'll head to the park."

Puck got up with his dirty dishes in hand. He moved around the kitchen with a relaxed domesticity that Finn found really comforting. Finn followed after him, taking the freshly rinsed mugs and sliding them into the dishwasher. Gracie came over a minute later with her empty bowl so that she could run upstairs to get her shoes on. Jack was right behind her, galloping after her to get ready. Once the dishes were all cleared away, Finn trapped Puck against the counter. His arms framed Puck, hands resting on the counter.

"I could pack a lunch," Puck offered, looking over Finn's shoulder at the bread still out on the counter. "Maybe some sandwiches or something, I think we still have leftover fruit salad from the other night."

"Hey," Finn said softly. Puck looked at him then. "I wasn't trying to box you out, man. I thought it was time to talk to the kids and it might be easier if you weren't there. I'm afraid they won't say what they need to really say in front of you."

Puck reached out and rested his hand on Finn's hip. "You know that I need to be there, too."

"You still have an out," Finn replied. "If you want one, last chance, we can act like this never happened."

"I can't act like it never happened," Puck disagreed before drawing Finn into his arms. "I don't want an out, Finn, I want to talk to the kids with you. I want them to know that we're going to be together, that we're always going to be a family."

"Okay," Finn exhaled before looking into Puck's eyes. The shorter man leaned forward and allowed Finn to kiss him briefly. "Okay."

Puck had already moved out of Finn's grasp and was in the middle of making their picnic when the kids came back down. Jack was at the table, trying in vain to tie his new Nikes that Finn had picked up on sale the previous week in Palo Alto. Gracie waited patiently for her turn, her pink sparkly Converse thrown haphazardly on the floor beside her chair. Puck packed away the food into a backpack (he still didn't do baskets, boyfriend or not) and then came over to help Gracie get ready.

"Slide your foot in," he instructed her as he held up the shoe. She wiggled her toes inside and Puck laced her up quickly. "Around the tree and through the hole the bunny goes."

"I love that part," she giggled as Puck squeezed her foot. "They're too tight, Dad."

Finn turned to reply to his daughter when he realized that she was talking to Puck. The other man seemed frozen for a moment before he remembered himself. Puck loosened the strings and then retied them so that Gracie was more comfortable. Then, he lifted her off of the chair and held her in a long hug. If there were tears in his gaze as he looked over at Finn behind her back, Finn was nice enough not to point it out.

A few hours later, after Jack had managed to perfect a spiral pass to the best of his five-year-old ability and Gracie had caught a handful of tosses Finn had lobbed her way, the foursome made their way to one of the many picnic tables for lunch. Puck worked to set up the sandwiches and sides while Finn poured fruit punch out into four cups. The kids talked happily about what they wanted to do next and asked if Puck had remembered to pack cookies. He pulled out a bag of leftover oatmeal raisin bars from when Jack had to take treats to his class the previous week.

"Hey, guys, there's something your daddy and I want to talk to you about," Puck told them both once they were all settled into their lunches. "Finn, do you want to start?"

"Guys, you know how Uncle Kurt and Uncle Blaine love each other?" Finn began. Puck wrinkled his brow and looked over at his boyfriend. Was this really how Finn was starting this conversation?

"Yeah, Daddy, they're married," Jack rolled his eyes. "Just like you and Mommy were. She explained it all to me once. Sometimes boys love boys and sometimes love girls. She told me that I could love whoever I wanted, so I told her I loved Olivia Harper from preschool."

Finn stared at his son for a long moment. "Right, um, okay," he said, unsure of how to respond to that. "Well, Mommy was right. I loved her very much, but that doesn't mean that I only have to love girls."

Puck couldn't help but laugh. Finn really sucked at this. "What your daddy is trying to say, guys, is that I care about your daddy and he cares about me," he explained. "It's not like how your daddy loved your mommy because their love was very special. It was all their own. Just like no one will ever care about your daddy like I care about him."

"Duh, Dad," Gracie said. "We already know you guys love each other. You're boyfriends, right? That's what Elizabeth's mommy said on the playground."

Finn didn't know who Elizabeth was, but Puck seemed to recognize the name. "Yes, that's right, Gracie," he chuckled. He had to laugh. "How does that make you feel?"

Jack shrugged again. "I like that Daddy is happy again. And that you're happy too," he told Finn and Puck. "That makes me happy and I think it makes Gracie happy. I just want us all to be happy. Mommy always said that's all that matters."

"Your mom was a smart lady," Puck said warmly. "Gracie, what do you think?"

"Does that mean you're going to stay?"

"I'm always going to be here, Gracie," he promised but he was looking at Finn.

"I like that we get to be a family," she decided. "It's so cool that we get to have two daddies. We already had a mommy and a daddy, but maybe this means we'll get more presents. Are we going to have two mommies someday, too?"

Finn looked over at his daughter. "No, sweetheart, you'll always have just one Mommy and one Daddy."

"And one Dad," Jack added. "I think Mommy would like that you're happy too, Daddy."

He had thought long and hard about that one. In the end though, he had to hope that Rachel would be happy that he had chosen Puck to watch out for her family. He'd never replace Rach, wouldn't even try. But he was good for the kids, for all of them really, and they were good for him. Finn knew that Puck was exactly who he would pick if he were the one that had to leave his family behind. He might not have known that six months ago, but he had no doubt that Puck would have shown up and supported Rachel just like he has been there for him.

That night, after the kids were in bed, Finn wandered outside to the deck to call Kurt. The phone rang once in New York before his brother was on the line. "Puck's my boyfriend," was the first thing Finn blurted out.

He heard Kurt exhale. "Well, I wasn't expecting that," he said primly. "You're sure that this isn't just a reaction to the grief, right? I mean, this isn't just you two experimenting?"

"Dude, you know I wouldn't do that to the kids. Neither would Puck."

"Okay, well, tell me how it happened," Kurt insisted, and Finn spent the next half-hour telling him about every detail. Blaine even listened in on the other extension so that he could be caught up on the inner workings of the Puckerman-Hudson love affair.

Meanwhile, Puck took up the daunting task of calling his own mother. "Well, I figured it could happen someday," she said softly after a very pregnant pause that had Puck more nervous that he had anticipated. "You two always were close when you were kids, and it's been nice seeing that closeness again. You could do a lot worse than Finn Hudson, I suppose. I'm just glad that you're happy again."

"Really happy," he clarified with a smile. "Thanks, Ma, you have no idea how much that helps."

"Just take care of your family, Noah," she told him. "You've always been really good at taking care of Sarah and me. I have no doubt you're going to be a wonderful father to those kids."

"Gracie called me Dad earlier today," he confessed. It was the first time he had acknowledged it out loud. "I always wanted to hear Beth say that, but it sounded pretty awesome hearing it from that little girl. Ma, I really love them – all of them."

"Does Finn know that?"

"He knows I love the kids," he answered. "I'm still working on the other part."

Back outside, after hanging up with Kurt and Blaine, Finn dialed his mother's number. She sounded a little tired, probably because of the time difference, when she picked up. "Hey, Mom, how are you?"

"Hi, sweetheart," she said happily. "Just got home from a shift at the hospital, about to scrounge up some dinner. Burt is still in DC for the rest of the week, so it's a little lonely around here."

"We'll be back in a few weeks to visit," Finn reminded her. "You know that you could always come out here. We'd love to see you."

"I don't want to come out there without Burt. He'd be jealous if he missed out on those wonderful grandkids of ours," she laughed. 'Speaking of which, how are they doing?"

"They're amazing, Mom," Finn told her proudly. "They're thriving out here, you'd be so proud of them."

"I'm proud of you, Finn," she clarified. "You sound a lot happier than you've been."

"I am," he acknowledged. "That's sort of why I called. Puck and I, we're together, Mom. I kept trying to think of a better way to tell you than that, but I think straightforward honesty might be the best approach. I hope you're not mad."

While definitely surprised, Carole Hudson could have never been angry, upset or disappointed with her son for falling in love. "I have loved Noah Puckerman from the very moment he became your best friend and have never stopped, even when you didn't want him to be in your life," she reminded him. "As long as he is good to my boy and my grandbabies, that's all that really matters to me. I know that he's been great for you, honey. I'm just glad that you're happy again."

"Me too, Mom," he agreed. "Puck loves Jack and Gracie, and they love him. She called him Dad today, can you believe it? They wouldn't even go to the park today without him. I'd be jealous if I didn't love them all so much. It just makes me feel really lucky."

"You love Noah, do you?"

Finn was quiet for a moment before he answered her with a simple, "Yeah, Mom, I do."

Puck found Finn standing at the kitchen sink, staring over the backyard, when he hung up with his mother. "Hey, babe," he murmured when he wrapped his arms around Finn's middle from behind, pressing a kiss to the side of his head. "How'd it go?"

"Mom is really happy for us," Finn answered. "Kurt said welcome to the family."

"Already was part of it," Puck grinned, squeezing Finn for emphasis. "Ma said we have to bring the kids by when we go back to Lima. She's really wanted grandkids."

"That'll be nice, maybe she'll make brisket," Finn mused before turning around in Puck's arms. He gazed at him happily. "So, my little girl called you Dad today."

"She did," Puck confirmed. "What'd you think about that?"

"I think that I loved hearing her say it."

"Me too, a lot," Puck admitted. "In case I haven't told you enough, thanks for letting be here man." He reached up and pressed his hand against Finn's heart. "And not just here with the kids but in there, where it really matters, in your heart."

"Only you," Finn promised with a whisper before slanting his mouth against Puck's. He held the kiss for a moment before pulling away to rest his forehead against Puck's warm skin. "I almost forgot what this felt like."

"Hmm?"

"Being close to someone, feeling happy again."

"Finn," Puck choked out, clearly caught in the moment. He pulled back a little further so that he could look into Finn's chocolate eyes. "I love you."

He never would have expected Puck to be the first to say it but Finn was glad that he was. "I love you too, Noah," he whispered back, "So much."

"Mmm," Puck hummed happily. "Say that again."

"What? I love you?"

"No, the other part."

"Noah?"

"Yeah, that," he grinned. "From now on, you should only call me that."


	12. Chapter 12

There were no arguments about who was going to sit by a window when the Hudson-Puckerman boarded a plane a few weeks later. It was the middle of February, just a few days short of Valentine's Day, and they were headed back to Lima for the long President's Day weekend. They were going back for a specific reason, one that had kept Finn fairly quiet the past few days. He had even slept alone two nights ago for the first time since they had told the kids, and Puck was trying really hard not to hold it against him. That's probably why he was glad both kids wanted to sit by the window.

"I'll sit with Jack," Puck offered as they waited in the pre-boarding line with the other families with small children. Finn didn't smile, only nodded, as he tried to avoid the curious stare of a pretty mother traveling alone with a pair of twin boys. "Gracie looks like she isn't going to make it long, so you will probably be able to catch a quick nap."

The little girl peered up from Finn's shoulder to grimace at Puck. "I'm not tired, Dad, I'm just resting my eyelids," she told him haughtily. "I want to make sure they're not tired for when we get to Ohio. They have to be wide open when I see Grandpa Burt. He told me that I had a surprise to look forward to, so I want to make sure my eyes can see real good."

Puck reached out and smoothed her hair adoringly. "I think that's a good plan, sweetheart," he praised her before looking down at Jack. "What do you think, buddy? Are you going to sleep like your sister?"

"No, Daddy packed my new Mario game," he said excitedly. He had been saving it all week so that he had something to do on the plane. "That's why I wanted to sit by you, Dad. You can always beat the really hard levels."

"Daddy, I have to go potty," Gracie decided at the last minute.

"What about you, Jack?" Finn asked his son. "Why don't we all try to go before we get on the plane? That way you guys can get settled as soon as you get in your seat and we don't have to worry about it later."

Finn handed over Gracie's backpack while Puck took Jack's from him. "I'll hold our place in line," he promised. Finn smiled a little then, leaning over to kiss Puck on the cheek impulsively. There was something a little desparate in the move, and Puck was sure then that Finn was worried about something. "I'll be right here."

He watched his family disappear into the oversized bathroom just off to the left side of the gate. The woman who had been watching Finn earlier talked to Puck when they were out of earshot. "You have a beautiful family," she complimented them. "Your husband is so handsome and your kids are adorable."

"Thank you," Puck smiled genuinely. He didn't correct her about his relationship status with Finn; it wasn't really her business. He also didn't feel the need to explain that they weren't technically his kids either. "They are pretty fantastic, aren't they?"

She nodded thoughtfully as she rested her hand atop one of her daughter's heads. "I see the way you two look at each other. It makes me miss my own husband," she told him wistfully. She glanced down at her daughters and swallowed thickly. "Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I thought you guys seem really happy."

Neither of them said anything as Finn returned with the kids in tow. Puck moved this time to stand next to Finn, his arm firm around the taller man's waist. Finn leaned into Puck a little as he shifted Gracie on his hip. Jack stood in front of Puck, leaning his head back against his thigh while he looked at some coloring book one of the stewardesses had given him. Puck rubbed his fingers over Finn's side in tiny little circles. Finn hummed in relaxed pleasure in a way that let Puck know the stress was slowly starting to seep out of his stressed frame.

Five hours later, Puck managed to wrangle a sleeping Jack into his arms and Finn followed tiredly after him with a snoring Gracie pressed against his chest. They had checked one large piece of luggage so that they wouldn't have to negotiate wheeled luggage along with the two kids and the three carry-ons they required between the four of them. Puck didn't really mind the Dora the Explorer backpack that was strapped to one of his shoulders and Finn actually thought that Jack's Hulk bag was kind of badass.

"Burt and Mom should be down at baggage claim," Finn murmured as they headed out of the terminal and into the main corridor of Port Columbus. They picked up the pace a little once they passed the security lines. Jack was getting heavier, and they still had a little way before they made it down to the luggage carousel. "Are you sure you don't mind staying at my mom's? We'll have my old room but I understand if it's too weird for you. You could stay at your mom's house if you want."

"I want to be where my family is," Puck said. He stepped onto the escalator but made sure that Finn stayed close so that they didn't get separated in the busy rush of the evening airport traffic. "When is everyone else supposed to get in?"

"Kurt and Blaine should be in tomorrow morning. Kurt said that Santana and Quinn would be in on separate flights early tomorrow. I think Sam and Britt are going to drive down from Chicago tonight. Mercedes is already in from LA, and I think Artie should get here today from London. I haven't heard about MIke and Tina yet, but I am sure someone will know all the details. We're supposed to meet up with Jake tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah, he said that he would be there," Puck promised. "I think he said something about coming over with Ma and Sarah. The whole Puckerman clan will be there in full effect."

"Good," Finn exhaled tiredly. "She's really getting heavy."

"I'd offer to trade but he's not any lighter," Puck managed. He could see Finn's parents waiting when he stepped off the escalator. He shook Jack lightly in his arms. "Wake up, buddy, Grandma and Grandpa are here."

"They are?" Gracie asked tiredly from beside him. "Daddy, put me down."

The two kids were suddenyl very much awake and running as fast as their lttle legs could carry them toward their waiting grandparents. Finn doubled over once he'd put Gracie down, huffing and puffing from being out of breath. Puck laughed and rubbed his back a little until Finn had settled down. The taller man grinned as he stood up and corrected himself, popping his back a little as he stretched. He then reached down and laced his fingers in Puck's before he lead them toward his children and his parents.

"Hi, baby," Carole said as she hugged Finn tightly. They were both a little choked up as they embraced. Puck knew that Carole had missed her son just as much as Finn had missed her. "I swear you look taller. He looks taller, doesn't he, Burt?"

"I don't think he's grown for a few years, honey," Burt answered as he reached out to shake Puck's hand. "How are you doing?"

"We're good, sir," Puck said politely, gripping Burt's hand firmly. He exchanged places so that he could hug Carole. "You look wonderful."

The six of them talked on the way to the car. Finn and Puck worked to get the kids buckled up while Burt loaded their luggage into the truck. Puck climbed into the far backseat of the SUV and waited for Finn to slide in beside him. The kids talked happily with their grandparents as they started the drive from Columbus. The buzz of the conversation was comforting to Puck, and he found himself falling asleep with his head on Finn's shoulder. They must have both passed out somewhere just outside the city. Carole only looked a little apologetic about waking them up when they finally got to the house.

When the long day was over and the kids were tucked in bed, the four adults spent a few hours catching up over coffee at the kitchen table. Burt was the first one to beg off, telling them that he had to be up soon so that he could make the trip back to Columbus to pick up Kurt and Blaine. Puck went a little afterward so that he could check on the kids. Finn was glad to have the time alone with his mom. He had missed having these talks with her.

"How are you feeling about tomorrow?"

"I think that Rach would have liked it," Finn answered. "I think it's nice that everyone got together enough money to put the memorial fund together. Rachel loved music and singing, so a scholarship in her name totally makes sense. I think it's important that the kids are there too. Plus, it'll be nice to see everyone. I haven't really kept in touch with too many people since the funeral. I don't think most of them know about Noah and me."

"So that's going well?"

"Very," Finn said with a smile. "I've been a little wound up this week because of coming home. I've been thinking about Rachel a lot and what I wanted to say to honor her. I guess I've sorta been in my head a lot but Noah has been good about giving me my space. You should see him, Mom, he's so wonderful."

"I already see that, honey," she pointed out. Puck had always (well, usually) been good with her son, but there was a certain tenderness that had never been there before. She still wasn't full adjusted to the fact that her previously heterosexual son was now in a very committed relationship with another man, one she had long considered a son of her own. However, she was happy that they were happy. "I also see the way you both light up when the kids call him dad."

"Yeah, about that...I know that the Berrys are going to be there tomorrow. I don't think they know anything, Mom," Finn admitted guiltily. They still talked to the kids but not as frequently as they had before they had gone to California. "What are they going to think? Do you think they'll hate me for letting the kids call Noah dad?"

"I think they'll understand better than anyone, Finn," she reassured him. "They just want to know that Jack and Gracie are happy and taken care of like any grandparents would want to know. Noah makes them feel safe, and it's evident that they love each other. I do think you should let them spend some time with Hiriam and Leroy while you're here. Let the Berrys see for themselves how well the kids are doing. Bring Noah around them so they can see them interact. They won't have any problems with it after that."

They talked for a few more minutes before Carole stood up and yawned. She kissed her son on the cheek before heading upstairs toward her room. She had already agreed to keep an ear out for Gracie and Jack since they were in their old rooms. Finn and Puck had set up camp in the old one downstairs where Finn had lived in high school. Noah was still up when Finn came downstairs, sitting up in bed with his glasses on while he read some military biography that Finn recognized as the one that had been on his nightstand at home.

"Good book?"

"I've read the same page three times," Puck admitted as Finn kicked his sneakers off in the corner and pulled off his shirt and jeans. "I was just waiting for you to come down. I didn't want to go to sleep without you."

"Who said anything about sleeping?" Finn teased him. "C'mon, we've got some very nice soundproofing down here that we don't get at home. We could totally mess around a little."

Puck moaned appreciatively as Finn slid beneath the comforter next to him and pulled him into a deep kiss. Finn slid his hand down Puck's back possessively while the shorter man turned his body into Finn's so that he could feel as much of him on his skin as possible. They had been doing that for awhile, the sleeping together thing, but it still felt new to Puck every single time. There was nothing routine about being with Finn Hudson, and he honestly couldn't imagine ever getting bored with him. That was a new feeling for Puck; he had always been the kind to cut and run. With Finn, though, he was perfectly content to snuggle up afterward until they both fell asleep.

They didn't do more than make out for a little bit before Puck turned over on his back. He patted the right side of his chest, indicating that Finn should lie down there so they could get in a little cuddling before they went to sleep.

"Are you nervous about tomorrow?"

"I still don't know what I'm going to say. I've been thinking about it for days. I'm sorry if I've been a little quiet, but I just want to say the right thing," Finn confessed. "Besides, everyone is going to know we'er together. Are you sure you're ready for that? It's kind of a huge step."

"Everyone that really matters already knows," Puck pointed out. "We'll tell everyone else, and if someone has a problem with it, who cares? We'll go back to our life in California and never have to talk to them again."

"I'm worried about what her dads are going to think."

"God knows that Ma's probably already showed them pictures at temple, Finn," Puck pointed out. "They're going to be happy because you guys are happy. They want all the same things for you that Rachel would want."

"I hope so," Finn said, turning to press a kiss to Puck's chest. "I love you, Noah."

"Love you too, babe," he murmured sleepily. "Now quit worrying so much. If we're not going to make out anymore, I really need to get my beauty rest. God knows Q's gonna freak out when she finds out that two of her exes are putting it down on the reg, and I can't wait to hear what Satan has to say on the matter."

Finn wrinkled his nose at the mention of two of their mutual former conquests. "Dude, we really did share a lot of the same girls, huh? That's weird, kind of incestuous."

"I don't want to think about you with anyone who isn't me," Puck shrugged. "As far as I am concerned, we both came into this relationship as virgins."

"Dude," Finn chuckled, "I have two kids, remember? Besides, everyone in Lima knew about your reputation back in high school."

"Fine but we were both totally gay-sex virgins before each other, so that counts for something," Puck countered. "Besides, other than the times that made Beth and Jack and Gracie, none of the other ones mattered." He didn't want to say anything more than that because he didn't want to discount Finn's life with Rachel. He knew that those times mattered too, but he didn't want to think about them. "All that matters now is me and you, forever and always."

"And after that?"

"I don't know, I might have to fight ghost Rachel up in heaven for you," Puck pondered. Finn laughed a little, and Puck felt something warm in his chest at the sound. "Or maybe we could take turns or something."

"Do you really think that's how it works?"

"I don't think about that at all," Puck admitted. "I don't want to think about it either. I just want to concentrate on what we have now because it's really good. We don't have control over the other stuff, so I think we should just live every day to the fullest together because we're incredibly lucky that we get this chance."

Finn was quiet for a moment before he looked up at Puck. "Will you go with me tomorrow to see her?"

"Of course I will," Puck said before kissing the top of Finn's head. "I told you, man, I go where you go no matter what."


	13. Chapter 13

The auditorium of William McKinley High School was solemn in a way that Puck had never seen it. In fact, he hadn't been around such a depressing group of people since Rachel's funeral. There were a sea of faces that he recognizes from long-gone memories, ones that he hasn't really let himself think about for years. There are also ones that he still knows so much about in bits and pieces from Finn that he feels like he hasn't missed a single moment. However, as Sam rested his hand on Brittany's swollen stomach and Tina bent down to talk to a little girl holding tightly to Mike's hand, he realized that he had missed a lot.

"There are a lot of people here," Blaine mused from beside him. Puck looked sideways at the shorter man and smiled tightly. Neither of them was exactly stoked about being back at their old stomping grounds but did so dutifully because of the men that they loved. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but I don't remember this many people liking Rachel when she was alive. She was kind of a nightmare in high school, right? Like, I'm not remembering her wrong, am I?"

Puck chuckled throatily at that. "Nah, man, she definitely didn't have a million adoring fans when she was here, but time and death have a way of forgiving that," he said as he watched Finn talk politely to their former principal with Kurt at his side. He could see Jack and Gracie sitting quietly with Burt and Carole across the room. They were seated between his mom and the Berrys. "Rach would love this though, you know? She'd love that all these people were here making a big deal about her. And she'd love that people are talking about how talented she is, how her memory will live on through the education of future generations."

Blaine nodded in agreement as he stole his own glance at his husband. "That part of her never really went away. Even after she had the gold star on her dressing room, she never quite stopped chasing the spotlight," he explained. "She loosened up a lot though. New York was really good for her. The four of us were pretty inseparable once we were all settled in the city. We were family."

"How's Kurt doing?" Puck asked suddenly. "I know that this hasn't been easy on you guys either, and Finn leaving probably hasn't helped."

"He still has his days, but it helps knowing that Finn is happy," Blaine answered with a nice smile. "Kurt thought he was going to have to take care of Finn and the kids afterward, had kind of prepared himself to step in and pick up the slack. When you came in and did that, it allowed Kurt to grieve in the way that he needed. Besides, he still felt like he got to help since Finn had us handle the house. We're just glad that you're there to take care of him and the kids. We still miss them all the time, don't get me wrong, but I can tell by looking at them that they're happy in Berkeley."

Puck looked back over at the kids, the ones he was really starting to think of as his, and nodded thoughtfully. They were happy in California. "It's easy for us to be a family there. I keep thinking about what that would have looked like here, and I can't really see us doing it in Ohio. New York either, to be honest. Those were their places, the ones that Finn shared with Rachel. I can't minimalize what they were for each other, but I think we both needed something that was just ours."

"So you're really in this for the long haul then?" Blaine beamed. "Puck, man, that's wonderful."

"I hope the others agree," Puck countered. "They still don't know. I'm having to stay away from Finn and the kids until after the ceremony just so we have the opportunity to tell everyone. We wanted to do it before but there wasn't enough time. It didn't feel like the sort of thing you do by mass text or email."

"Everyone has always been really great about Kurt and I, so I think you're going to be surprised."

"But you didn't have a kid with any of them," Puck pointed out. "You don't have multiple ex-girlfriends in common. As much as I would like to pretend that it's not going to be different, it totally is. I don't really care what they think about me, but Finn, man, he doesn't deserve any hassle about us. He's been through enough, and I just want to protect my family."

Blaine didn't have a chance to respond because their former choir director was soon asking everyone to take their seats. Puck followed Blaine to the second row, just behind and down a little from Finn and the kids. He didn't even pretend to pay attention as the ceremony started. He just watched the line of tension in Finn's neck as a line of teachers stepped up to pay tribute to a student that they had all just barely tolerated when she had been a student at the high school. Artie gave a few remarks on behalf of their glee club and then Emma Shuester stood to add some more of her own. It was finally time for Finn to take the microphone. Puck's heart literally ached as Gracie and Jack followed him up the stairs to the podium.

Gracie had insisted on wearing one of Rachel's bracelets for the memorial dedication. She kept pushing the black and white metal bangle up and down her arm while she looked down at the crowd. Puck was thankful that she was young enough that she didn't really get why everyone was so sad. Instead, she spent most of her time searching for Puck and then waving excitedly when she finally spotted him. He smiled and waved back at her, giving her the thumbs up when she held out her arm to show off her bracelet proudly.

Jack was a little bit older though, and he did understand what was going on. He mostly held onto Finn's hand tightly and buried his face in his father's leg. Puck tried to grin at him reassuringly and was glad when Finn reached down to rest his hand on top of Jack's head. He smiled up at Finn then, kicking his black Converse in a shuffle step that made just the slightest noise.

"On behalf of Jack and Gracie as well as Rachel's fathers, I would like to thank you all for coming today. I know that many of you had to travel to get here, so I hope you know how much that we appreciate it. I know that Rachel would have been so glad to see so many of you here to share in this special day with her family," Finn said, reading the piece of paper that Puck had typed up for him that very morning. He looked out at the crowd and smiled in the general direction of the front row. Puck knew he was nervous. "The Rachel Berry-Hudson memorial fund is a scholarship program supported by the William McKinley High School classes of 2012 and 2013. With contributions made possible by the alumni of the New York Academy for the Dramatic Arts, the Berry family trust and other generous donors from Rachel's friends and family in Ohio and New York, our family will be able to fully fund a music scholarship in memory of my wife."

"The first time I ever heard Rachel sing was in this very auditorium and on this very stage," Finn continued. "I was mesmerized from the very first word I ever heard from her voice, and that was a feeling that never went away. Her talent was immense, but her love for her family was even bigger. I was the lucky man who got to be on the receiving end of that love when she chose to spend the rest of her life with me. I had no idea how brief that time would be."

Finn choked on the last few words, and Puck had to reach out and grip Blaine's wrist to keep himself tethered to his seat. Gracie looked up at her with wide, worried eyes, and Jack only clung tighter to Finn's leg. It had been a long time since they had seen their father cry and even longer since they'd heard any memories about Rachel that weren't completely happy.

"Rachel was the consummate performer, well respected by her peers on Broadway. However, she landed the role of her lifetime when she became a mother. She'd always tell anyone who'd ever listen that she'd never do anything more important than be a mom to Jack and Gracie. Rachel was an amazing mother. I'd always contest, much to her chagrin, that my mom was the best mom in the world, but my wife was definitely a very, very close second."

The tears were coming more rapidly then, and Puck found himself on his feet. Finn had barely gotten through the last part, and now, he was just emptily gasping air as he tried to go on. Puck ignored the curious stares of the audience as he slowly made his way up the stairs. He picked up Jack and balanced him on one hip. Then, Puck reached over and carefully took the piece of paper out of Finn's shaking hands.

"Jack and Gracie are so much like their mother that I still see and hear her in them every single day. From the way Gracie refuses to ever give up to the way Jack sings himself to sleep, my children a living, breathing testimony to the live that Rachel Berry-Hudson lived," Puck recited from the paper. He set it down on the podium. He didn't need to read the rest. "She is still a big presence in our home, and even if our lives look a little differently since she took her last breath, I know that she is with us always. So today, with Jack and Gracie, we dedicate this memorial fund in Rachel's loving memory."

Finn turned to Puck as the lights went down and a video that Tina had put together started to play on the big screen. Puck took Finn's hand and let him down the stairs, making sure to hold onto Jack tightly. Gracie was right behind them, still not quite sure what was going on but knowing enough to stay close to her family. Puck gently pushed Finn down in his chair and then took the one that Jack had been sitting in next to him. He wrapped his arm around Finn's shoulders and pulled him close to his side while Gracie situate herself in Finn's lap. And then the four of them, together, turned to watch Rachel sing her final song.

"We'll take the kids outside," Leroy offered when everything was over. He reached out and clapped Finn on the shoulder before reaching over to shake Puck's hand. Hiriam took Gracie and his husband took Jack and the mismatched foursome headed outside with the Hummels behind them.

People started to swirl around them once Finn and Puck were alone. Finn looked at Puck pleadingly as the barrage of questions began. The buzz of the conversation was overwhelming, leading Puck to hold his hand to halt everyone trying to get in a word. "Give us a minute," Puck demanded before grabbing Finn by the elbow. They made it to the choir room before either of them said anything. Once he was sure that the door was shut and they had some privacy, Puck drew Finn into a hug and allowed the taller man to bury his face in his shoulder. "Hey, man, it's okay, I got you." He made sure to keep his voice low and soothing. "Finn, babe, I need you to breathe."

"Thank you," he sniffled through the tears. "You rescued me. Again."

Puck pulled back and shook his head. "You did her proud up there, Finn," he reassured his boyfriend. "We're going to have to go back out there and explain to everyone how this happened, but I don't want you to doubt that for a minute. I know it was hard, but you did so good, babe."

"I like it when you call me that," Finn decided as he straightened up and tried to catch his breath. "It's comforting and warm, like a really great blanket."

"That's a weird analogy," Puck chuckled. They were both happy for the momentary distraction. "I'll tell you what. I will go out there and explain everything. When we're done, I'll snag us some cupcakes from the reception and we'll take the kids like we talked about. We don't owe anyone anything today."

Finn smiled. "I like the thought, but you're not doing it alone. I'll go out there with you and then we'll rescue the kids. Jack's not really up for crowds today anyways," he retorted. He snagged Puck's hand and held it tightly to his chest, kissing each knuckle tenderly. "Love you, Noah."

"Love you, Finn, no matter what, always."

The two of them walked out of the school hand-in-hand to find most of their high school friends circled up around their family with the kids. "Dad, when do we get cake?" Gracie asked, coming over to tug on the end of Puck's sleeve impatiently. Puck swept her off her feet and tickled her sides playfully, eliciting a happy little giggle that made Finn smile. Puck was definitely in favor of anything that made Finn happy so he did it again. "C"mon, Dad, you said there was going to be cake."

"Dad?" Finn turned to meet Quinn's eyes. "When did that happen?"

"Gracie, honey, why don't you go with Grandma Carole to find some cake for you and Jack," Finn said, not wanting his kids to hear anything that wasn't fully in support of his family. "Dad and I will come find you when it's time to leave."

Once they were gone, Puck turned on his heel and looked at his baby mama. "Don't talk like that in front of my kids," he demanded protectively. "They've been through enough without you confusing them."

"Puck, man, hold up," Sam pleaded quietly. "We're all just a little confused. I mean, none of us have heard from you for a long time and then you showed up to the funeral only to disappear again. Then, we see you guys here and you're like together or whatever. It's just a lot to take in all at once."

"Sam, honey, can't you see that they're happy," Brittany beamed between Finn and Puck. She had always been Puck's favorite for a reason. "I think it's great, Puck! You're kids are super cute. Maybe they can come play with Baby Bluebird when she's born."

"Bluebird?" Finn asked confusedly.

"It's what Britt keeps calling their spawn because she says the kicking makes her feel like she swallowed a bird," Santana explained. Only she and Sam had ever gotten really good at Brittany shorthand. "And while I think it's cool or whatever that you and Frankenteen are all gay for each other, Puckerman, can you at least explain a little bit about how the hell this happened in the first place?"

Puck gave an abbreviated version of their story, pausing to answer their questions here and there. He honestly could have cared less what most of them thought, but he knew that all of these people still mattered to Finn. Truthfully, he had missed a few of them, mostly Santana and Brittany and maybe Sam. Quinn kept glaring him in a way that made him feel like it was sophomore year all over again, so he could have really done without her presence. Eventually, he let Finn take over answering questions and wandered over to play tag with Blaine, Kurt, Jack and Gracie.

"You're it!" he called out as he tagged Gracie on top of her head. He whirled around, only to run smack into his boyfriend's solid chest. "Okay, ow."

Finn rested one hand on his hip and then bent over to whisper in his ear. "We can go. You're free."

"Yeah, we're out of here," Puck announced suddenly. Finn called out to the kids while Puck got a few of those promised cupcakes. He turned back to Blaine and Kurt and grinned. "We'll see you guys back at the house in a little bit. In the meantime, we have some place we need to be."


	14. Chapter 14

Puck and Finn stopped by the Hummel household before they headed off to their destination. There was no way that Gracie's dress would go without grass stains where they were headed, and Jack had been impatiently scratching at his legs for the past five minutes. Besides, Finn kept shifting back and forth as if his feet were aching, and Puck could really do with a pair of jeans himself. The four of them were quiet as they went into the silent house, individually glad for the momentary break in crowds. There had been a lot of people around and Finn knew that it had to be overwhelming for the kids; he was still trying to quiet the mental chatter going on inside his own head.

"Alright, guys, go put on play clothes," Puck said as he nodded toward the staircase. They had already laid them out before they'd headed over to the high school for the memorial dedication. "Jack, make sure that your sister puts on tennis shoes, okay? Just tie them up like we practiced last time."

"Okay, Dad," he said obediently before scampering up the stairs after his sister. Puck could hear him bossily telling Gracie to hurry up as they disappeared out of earshot.

"I never get tired of hearing that," Puck admitted as he followed Finn down the stairs toward the basement. Finn smiled over his shoulder as if to say, _Tell me about it_. He hung back for a moment to watch Finn carefully start to change out of his suit. He slung his silk tie over the back of his old desk chair and then worked silently to hang up his button-up shirt. Puck took a few steps toward the taller man and slid his arms around his waist. Pressing his face into the flat planes of Finn's back, Puck allowed his hands to rest comfortably on Finn's stomach and his lips to just barely tease the back of his neck. "Hey, if I didn't tell you earlier, you looked pretty incredible in that suit."

Finn turned around in the circle of Puck's arms and beamed happily. "Yeah? Mom said that the tie would match my eyes," he murmured before allowing Puck to kiss him chastely. "Speaking of my family, Kurt asked earlier if he and Blaine could take the kids out tonight. He made up some excuse about not seeing them enough, but I think he just wanted to give us some time alone."

"I vote for anything that gives us alone time," Puck smirked. It was the grin that Finn knew meant that very good (very dirty) things were to come, and he shivered in eager anticipation. "Not that I won't miss the kids, but we don't really get to spend too much time by ourselves. What do you want to do?"

"I want to get a room at that hotel where we had prom junior year and order room service after I get you very, very liquored up," Finn said seductively. It wasn't really all that sensual, but Puck had to credit his boyfriend for trying. He was usually the one to paint the picture when it came to this part of their relationship, so it was sweet of Finn to try. "And I want to sleep in very, very late tomorrow because that's something else we don't get to do much either."

Puck grinned at Finn again, the familiar pitter-patter of all the things he adoed about Finn beating proudly in his cheset. "You."

"What?" Finn asked, his eyes wide and innocent but his smile deep and knowing.

"Everything," Puck answered before sliding his fingers into Finn's hair. He cradled his head in his strong hands as he led Finn's mouth to his. It was a less than chaste kiss this time, the right mix of tongue and desire and lips and love. "I love you, Finn Hudson."

Finn didn't reply as he started to redress in an old McKinley hoodie and jeans. He just smiled the happiest little smile that Puck could imagine, one that promised they'd have tonight and thousands of other nights after this one. It wasn't too long before the kids were ambling loudly down the stairs, Jack frustrated because Gracie wouldn't let her tie his shoes and her whining because she swore that only Puck could do it without it being too tight. Finn convinced Gracie to let Jack try while Puck watched on with patient direction. Once her little pink shoes were tied just tight enough and Jack had ran back upstairs to find his Indians windbreaker, the four of them piled back into the car to head where they were going.

"Daddy, what is this place?"

"It's a cemetery, Gracie," Jack answered as Finn parked Kurt's old SUV. "This is where Mommy is, I think. Is that right, Dad?"

"Yeah," Finn answered quietly for Puck. The other man reached across the console and squeezed his hand. Finn hadn't brought the kids back here since the brief burial after the funeral. Puck hadn't been there either. He had always come out here by himself. "This is where Mommy is buried."

The four of them held hands in a straight line as they walked through the grass toward the shaded corner plot that Finn had chosen especially for Rachel. He had purchased a few of the other adjoining plots for himself and the kids. He wandered briefly where they would put Puck and made a mental note to discuss it with him later. They actually had a lot of legal issues to clear up; Finn needed to make some things official.

"Mommy loved those big white flowers," Jack said as he spotted the tombstone. Finn knew that her fathers had been there recently, and he felt guilty that they hadn't thought to bring flowers of their own.

"They're gardenias," Puck explained as he squeezed Finn's hand. He had originally planned to put the kids between them but knew that Finn could probably use his proximity right now. "My mom really likes gardenias too. They smell pretty good."

The kids took off running ahead so that they could smell the fragrant white blooms. Finn stopped and watched them for a moment, enjoying the way the slightest breeze wrapped around him in the quiet moment. He smiled to himself and then in the general direction of Rachel's grave, feeling her there with him. It had been awhile since he had been so distinctly aware of her presence. When Puck smiled softly over at him, he knew that the other man could feel it too.

"Hey, Berry," Puck murmured as they knelt down in front of the dark marble slab. Puck reached up and absently wiped away some old grass clippings with his hand, stopping to idly trace the outline of her name with his index finger. "Sorry I haven't been by since, you know, but I was never really good at being reliable and punctual, was I?"

The kids looked up at their dad and chuckled then. They really didn't know what he was talking about but could tell that he was smiling sadly and knew that the only way to fix it was with a laugh of their own. Okay, so Puck wasn't sure if they really knew all that but it worked and that was all that mattered. He settled back to sit down and pulled Gracie into his lap. Jack sat down next to him, leaning his head on Puck's bicep.

"Look how much the kids have grown, Berry," Puck said proudly. "You guys are getting bigger, aren't you?"

"The new doctor in California said I grew almost a whole inch since we went there, Mommy!" Jack said into the air proudly. "And I met a new boy in my class, William, and Daddy said that he would take us into the city to see the Indians play the Giants next month. Oh and our class has a new hamster named Hank! He's brown with white spots."

It was funny the news that was important to a five-year-old.

"My birthday is coming up. Dad and Daddy said that I could have a princess party," Gracie added. "We're going to invite all the kids in my new dance class and my friends from the park. I'm learning to ride my new purple bike with my training wheels. Dad always runs beside me and holds onto the handlebars. I think Daddy gets scared sometimes because he always holds his breath, but Dad makes sure to hold on tight and never let go."

Finn covered his mouth as he watched his partner talk to his dead wife with his kids. It was harsh to put it in those terms but that's what was happening just a few feet away, right there in front of him.

"Jack's grades are really good at his new school. The teacher said that he is at the top of his class in both math and reading. He's already even starting to spell. You'd be so proud," Puck told her. "And he's doing well with his music lessons. Finn made sure that we found a new piano teacher when we moved to Berkeley, and we're thinking about finding a voice teacher from the college to give him some lessons. He really likes being able to play outside all the time without having to worry about snow or the cold. Finn's been teaching him football. Don't worry, I'll make sure they both wear a helmet when it starts getting rough."

"And Gracie, Rach, she's just dancing up a little storm. You like ballet the best, don't you, Gracie? But we have her in a tap class and jazz too," Puck went on. "We spend a lot of afternoons at the pool while Jack and Finn are still at school. We're thinking lessons might be a good idea when it gets closer to summer. For now, we're just working on floating and blowing bubbles. She's really good at paddling around like a little motor boat."

"I make the best bubbles, Mommy!" Gracie exclaimed proudly before blowing out a raspberry to demonstrate. "It works better with water though."

Puck chuckled and kissed the top of her head. "Finn is doing pretty well too. He's even starting to get a tan, can you believe it? I think he likes his new school. It's nice that he can walk with Jack on days where it's really nice. We're all going to hear his choir do a performance in a few weeks after we get home. They're no New Directions but with Finn as their director, I have no doubt they'll get there."

"Well, I think we've been talking long enough, and honestly, I don't really have much else to say," Puck said as he lifted Gracie easily out of his lap. He reached over and pressed his hand to the flat part of the grave. "I just wanted to give you a little update. I know we talk all the time, but it's been awhile since I did it out loud. I'm going to take the kids to go play now so Finn can talk to you. Try not to keep him too long though, okay? He's my man now." Finn smiled wryly at the joke. It was lame but it helped. "Guys, tell Mommy bye."

Gracie came over and threw her arms around the tombstone. It wasn't as sad as it could have been. "Bye, Mommy, I'll see you tonight in my dreams like always, okay?" she whispered loudly enough that Finn and Puck could hear her. "I love you."

"Love you, Mommy," Jack whispered a little more softly than his sister before he pressed his lips to the top of the marble in the smallest of kisses. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

Puck took each of the kid's hands in his and nodded toward a little pasture clearing where they would be able to run off some energy. "We're going to head over there," he told Finn. "Come find us when you're ready."

Finn didn't turn back to the grave immediately. He just watched the kids walk and then run with Puck toward the field. They started some elaborate game of freeze tag with elaborate rules that Finn remembered from his own childhood. He appreciated the sound of their laughter going up into the air, hoping that it drifted high enough to reach Rachel. He laughed a little himself when he realized that Puck's laughter was the loudest of all.

"Hey, Rach," Finn said finally once he had settled on the grass in front of the stone. He pressed his hand over her name just as Puck had a few minutes earlier. "Listen to them, will you? I swear, they're both so happy. I hope you know that, that you see it all the time. I've tried my very best, and I think they're doing alright."

"Noah already told you pretty much everything that we've been up to. Is it weird to hear me call him that now too? I know you used to always call him by his first name, and I guess that's who he is to me now. He's been amazing, Rach, I don't know how I could have gotten through this without him," he admitted to her. "So you visit Gracie in her dreams? I hope you check in on Jack too. I know you still come see me sometimes. I'm glad that you seem happier now. I don't want you to think that we've all just moved on, but it helps knowing that you're at peace."

Finn twirled a piece of dry grass between his index finger and his thumb. "The house sold a few weeks ago. I'm going to save most of the money for the kids' college fund. We put a little bit into the scholarship fund at the school too. I think you'd like that," he continued. "God, honey, I still miss you."

He was quiet for a few minutes, eyes closed as he listened to the distant sound of his family's laughter. "Everyone is doing okay at home. I'll try to be better about your fathers; I know that you'd probably be a little disappointed. Our friends are doing well too, though I think they were a little surprised about Noah and me. Puck is doing better too since he started seeing the military doc. Neither of us have nightmares any more. I think sharing a bed with someone again helped us both."

"And I guess that's the biggest part of why I'm here today, Rach," he told her. He looked over his shoulder at where Puck was frozen still and the kids were running in a circle around him. "I still haven't taken off my ring but I think maybe it's time, you know? He hasn't said anything but I know he thinks about it. I've given him everything else, Rach, he has my heart. I think that I need to give him this too, okay? I hope you understand. Please don't be mad. It's just time, honey."

Finn leaned over then and kissed the same place on the rock where Jack had kissed earlier. "I will always love you, Rachel Hudson," he promised before tapping the marble once more for emphasis. He winked, smiled and then left without looking back to go back to his family. "C'mon, guys, let's go home."

Later, when Finn and Puck are alone in their hotel room, Finn pressed the ring into Puck's palm. They never talked about it. Puck just put it into his wallet for safe keeping and then into the safe with Rachel's when they got home. Finn might not need it anymore, but they wanted the kids to be able to have them someday when they were older. In the meantime, Puck had the intention of replacing it with a ring of his own.


	15. Chapter 15

Six months wasn't long enough.

This was the thought that Puck had been struggling with ever since they got back to California. He had been so sure in the hotel room that night that marriage was the next step for him and Finn, but he kept hearing this voice in the back of his head that said it was too soon. Too soon for Finn, too soon for the kids, too soon for their families, too soon for everyone but him. He never would have listened to that voice before, but he wasn't in this alone anymore. There were too many hearts at play for him to be so selfish.

So Puck did something that he didn't do very well; he waited. He waited all throughout that sixth month that found Finn having to take refresher classes so he could finalize his California teaching license. He waited throughout the seventh month when Gracie came down with a serious bout of pink eye that spread to Jack and kept the entire family out of commission for week. He waited throughout the eighth month when Blaine and Kurt came out to spend Easter week with the family and the Berrys visited for a long weekend around Passover. He waited and he waited and he waited.

It was on a Thursday night over pizza at some incredibly loud arcade that he knew he couldn't wait longer. They were there for a birthday party for one of Jack's classmates, some little redhead who loved Snow White that was turning six. Puck had taken Gracie on a bathroom run when he came back to find Finn buried up to his nose in the ball pit, six kids jumping and laughing around him. The other parents watched on with an air of amused judgment, but Puck only saw the man that he loved being the same guy he'd always been without a single care in the world of how it looked. It was such a simple moment, could have happened at any point in their friendship or romantic relationship, but it was defining one.

He left Gracie with a playmate's mom the next day so he could head down to a quaint boutique district in search of the perfect ring. He knew what the one that Finn had worn throughout his marriage to Rachel looked like and wanted something different. That one had been a flat gold band with a Journey lyric engraved in it, a simple ring that Rachel had barely been able to afford when Puck had gone with her to the mall in Lima to pick it out two weeks before the wedding.

When the kind old German jeweler inquired what Puck was looking for, he had to admit he really had no clue. He described Finn's old ring and asked him to find something completely different. The man tapped his chin as if he knew exactly the right piece and returned with a twisted silver brand that had a few discreet diamonds sprinkled throughout. It wasn't overly flashy but had enough glitter to it that Finn would know it cost him some serious money. Kind of like Finn himself, Puck hadn't known what he was looking for until he found it, but this ring was it.

Once he had the ring, though, he realized that he didn't really have a plan for the rest. He thought about calling up Blaine or Kurt to get their help. They were supposed to be at that sort of thing. However, he also knew that the two of them were terrible at keeping secrets and didn't want to risk Finn finding out before he actually got the chance to propose. His own sister could have been helpful but he also didn't want to deal with his mom's questions about all the little details that he would inevitably forget. In the end, he settled on just keeping things simple and forgoing any elaborate plan. He had never needed anything spectacular to impress Finn in the past, so it didn't really feel like a good time to start.

The one thing he does do, however, is call up Carole on a Tuesday morning while Gracie is at dance class and Finn and Jack are at school. "Hey, sweetheart," she answered. "I was just thinking about you. Any idea what you guys are going to be doing for the Fourth? Burt has some time off, so we thought we'd come out to visit."

"Nothing planned so far, so that'd be great," Puck said as he went through the mental calendar in his head. It was still far enough off that they probably didn't have any plans so far. "The kids will be excited to see you. You know that Finn has been dying to get you out here. He can't wait to show off all the work he's done in the back garden. I think we might actually get some vegetables this summer if he manages to pull this off."

"Yeah, he was really excited about growing basil when he called last week," Carole laughed. Finn got like that, so excitable, when he started a new project. Since he was incapable of actually cooking anything, he had insisted that he at least help Puck out by growing some of their food. He hadn't held his breath at first but the blooms starting to sprout up through the topsoil showed promise. "Anyway, I'm sure that's not why you're calling."

Puck crossed the hardwood floor in the living room and sat down in a rocking chair. It was one of the few pieces that Finn had saved from the New York house. It was a piece that Puck had recognized from his own childhood as the one that had sat by the Hudsons' picture window in the family room. Carole had rocked Finn in it as a baby, and he had followed tradition when Jack and Gracie were born. Puck sometimes wondered if Finn thought they might use it for another child someday.

"No, it's not. Mom, I want to ask your blessing."

"Oh, Noah," she exhaled. He could hear the tears immediately. "Of course, honey, of course." He was grateful that he didn't have to actually ask her the words. He sort of loved that she just knew him that well. "I thought it might happen when you were in Lima a few months back."

"I thought about it," he admitted. "The timing wasn't quite right though. Honestly, I'm not sure it'll ever be perfect but I do know that I don't want to wait anymore. I love him, Mom, I hope you know that. I think you do, but I'm not sure if I've ever really said those words to you. You know that I love his kids, right? I know I shouldn't need it, but I want that piece of paper. I want the world to know that they all belong to me and that I belong to them."

Carole couldn't help but think of a similar conversation she'd had with a seventeen-year-old Rachel Berry the night they told Burt, Carole, Hiram and Leroy that Finn had proposed and that she had accepted. However, unlike that teenage girl, Carole knew that Puck knew exactly what he was getting into here. He knew the responsibilities he was taking on, the questions the kids would inevitably have, the doubts he'd probably feel when he wondered if he was doing as good as Rachel would have done. He knew all that and wanted it. He wanted her son.

"I want it too, Noah," she said finally. "Burt and I already consider you family. You have always been my son in all the ways that matter, but that piece of paper would make it official. I love Kurt and Blaine so much, don't get me wrong, but you and Finn are my first born. I don't care if it's not DNA, you're my baby too."

Puck couldn't help but tear up a little bit at the woman's insistent admission. "I love you, Mom," he said softly. "Thank you for letting me part of your family."

He ended up calling his own mother after he hung up with Carole. The woman had given up a lot for he and Sarah, and he owed it to her to tell her that he finally understood why. She cried happy tears when he told her that he was going to propose to Finn. She actually cried a lot. And when she finally caught her breath long enough to say a full sentence, he cried some tears of his own again as she said, "I'm so happy for you, Noah."

Glad to have the two conversations under his belt, Puck finally came up with a plan he thought just might work. As much as he loved the kids, he wanted to be able to ask Finn alone. So he organized a babysitter and rented out a place and picked up a few groceries that he kept in the trunk of his Jeep until Saturday finally rolled around. Finn was excited because he had always loved surprises. Gracie cried when she couldn't come along, but Puck had already thought ahead. He armed the sitter with specific instructions and the latest Pixar DVD before he ushered Finn into the waiting car.

"What is this place?" Finn asked when Puck pulled up in front of the concrete building.

Puck smiled mysteriously as he led his boyfriend into the empty building. They had the place to themselves save for some staff, so it was quiet enough that their footsteps echoed loudly in the open lobby. He led Finn into a quiet auditorium with a high domed ceiling. "Sit there," he said, pointing to a seat in the middle of the front row. Puck sat down beside him and reclined back so that he was looking up. "The first time I ever knew for sure that I loved you, like really loved you, I was sitting next to you just like this. Lean back."

A video of the stars with some type of aural instrumental music filled the space. "We were looking up at the stars and I wondered if you were thinking about something else and then I just stopped thinking altogether," he told Finn. "For the first time in my life, I just let myself feel. I felt every single thing I had been afraid to feel since I realized that we were different this time around and everything I was afraid to feel before that."

"Noah," Finn exhaled.

"Just let me get through this," Puck said tightly, trying to keep those pesky tears back. He knew that it was probably all in vain. "Finn, you gave me a life when I didn't have one. I was just a rank in the military and a haircut. I didn't even have pictures on my wall, and now, I can't find a free inch on the fridge because of our kids' artwork. You let me be Dad. I don't think you know how much I love you for that."

"Love you too, Noah."

Puck smiled then, dragging his eyes away from the stars so he could look at Finn. He slid out of his seat and knelt down in front of him. He had never imagined himself doing this, but if he had, he knew that it would have never looked like this. However, as he took Finn's hand in his and slid the cool metal band up his left index finger, he knew that this is was the best outcome possible. He wouldn't have chosen anyone else if he could have had his pick of everyone in the world. In the end, it was always going to be Finn Hudson.

"Will you marry me?"

Finn slid out of the chair and knelt down on the tile floor across from Puck. "Yes, of course, yes," he managed before he captured Puck's lips with his own. "God, yes, Noah, of course."

"Yay!" came the squeal of two very recognizable voices.

Gracie and Jack went tumbling out of the dark corners of backstage. "We're getting married!" Gracie squealed as she leapt into Finn's arms. "Daddy, we're all going to have the same last name. Dad is going to be a Hudson."

"Uh," Finn drawled. "I don't know if…"

"Yeah, we will, Amazing Gracie," Puck said as he ruffled her hair and then kissed Finn's cheek reassuringly. He never thought he would be okay with taking another man's name, but it would be easier with the kids. He didn't want them to have to endure filling out all those stupid bubbles on test forms by hyphenating their name. "What do you think about that, Jack?"

"You're already our dad," he shrugged. "Will there be cake at the wedding?"

"Attaboy," Puck laughed. Finn reached out and entangled their hands together. Puck shivered a little when he felt the press of cool metal against his palm.

Finn looked up at him. "We should talk about getting the paperwork done," he said vaguely. _Adoption_, Puck thought with a smile. They had been discussing it for a while but especially since he had needed to pick Jack up at school during the pink eye debacle. "Soon, you know, before, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Puck grinned. He knew Finn knew what that meant to him.

Three days later, Finn surprised Puck with a ring of own and the beginnings of the adoption paperwork.


	16. Chapter 16

If anyone wanted to figure out what was going on with Puck's family at any given moment, he swore that they needed to look no further than their dining room table. Right now, it showed that four different people had four different projects going on all at once. Gracie was working on a family picture book for her pre-school class, and Jack was elbow-deep in his very first science project, which mostly consisted of him and Finn trying in vain to get his pair of bean pods to sprout. Finn had a stack of midterm papers that needed to be graded, and Puck had decided that now was the perfect time to redo his will. In the midst of all that, there was also a stack of wedding invitations that needed to be addressed and stamped, and the lawyer had sent over the final adoption papers for their signatures on Monday.

In short, they were busy.

"Have you seen the permission slip for Jack's field trip?" Finn asked distractedly on Thursday morning as he scoured the table for the prized goldenrod piece of paper. "I swore I saw it last night when we were going over his reading. It has to be here somewhere!"

"I already put it in his backpack," Puck said as he shuffled a stack of color flash cards he had quizzed Gracie with the previous afternoon. "Don't forget that you signed us up to donate snacks. You'll have to pick them up on your way home because the kids have that dentist appointment."

"Got it," Finn said, leaning across the table to kiss Puck's cheek. He turned toward the stairs and called up to Jack that it was time to get going. "We're meeting with that minister on Saturday, right? I know I haven't been great with the planning details, but I will be there for that."

Puck nodded thoughtfully and shoved the cards back into their flimsy cardboard box. "Don't worry about it, babe," he told him earnestly. "Your brother has been pretty helpful, which is not all that surprising, and Jake has even done a few things."

They had settled on April 7th, four weeks and two days from that morning, to tie the knot. It had been a series of negotiations between schedules on both costs and in Ohio before they had finally come up with the date. They had initially thought they'd wait a little longer until school was out, but Blaine was supposed to start a new show in May and Burt would have to get back to DC for the summer session. They had spent less time figuring out where to have it. Their home was in California, and Finn wanted something small on the beach. Puck was in favor of anything that didn't require more than one conversation to decide, so they had taken the kids out to a semi-private cove on the Bay to scope out locations.

"And about the guest list, I think you're right," Finn said. "It's kind of all or nothing, so let's just keep it to family. Your mom and Sarah, Burt and my mom, the brothers and the kids – I don't think we really need much more than that, you know?" He smiled happily before turning back toward the stairs a little more forcefully. "I mean it, Jack, get a move on!"

"Sorry, Daddy, I couldn't find my other shoe," he mumbled as he came down the stairs. His hair was sticking up every which way, reminding Puck of how Finn looked nearly every morning when he woke up. "Do you have my permission slip? Don't forget it's my turn to bring snacks tomorrow too."

"Dad's already on it," Finn said. He smoothed down his son's hair and then pushed him forward to hug Puck. He leaned over the top of the boy to kiss his fiancé briefly. "I'll try not to be home too late. Call if there's a problem at the dentist, yeah?"

"Sure, but I think we got it," he replied just as Gracie called from upstairs. "Try to have a good day."

It was a long day and Puck was seriously craving a Jack and Coke when he walked into the house a solid eight hours later. Gracie had thrown a fit during her dental cleaning and Jack had picked up a nasty cough at some point during the day. "Alright, guys, upstairs and in your jammies," he instructed the kids while they dumped off their backpacks and sneakers in the foyer. "I'm going to call for a pizza and we're going to watch a movie."

"Long day?" Finn asked rhetorically as he came downstairs. Puck grimaced and nodded. Finn looked totally relaxed with his freshly washed hair and worn pajamas. "Why don't you call that pizza in? I'll get the kids ready for bed."

Finn thought about how amazing Puck was as he took the kids up the stairs. They had been in California for several months, and he had taken to be a stay-at-home dad like he was made for it. And most days, Finn knew that the man loved being home with Gracie and there when Jack got off the school bus. However, there were times like now when he could see how it wearing on him and he remembered that he needed to show his gratitude more. It wasn't easy dealing with a contrary little girl or a sick little boy or an unaware partner. Finn had to do a little bit better.

That's why he sent Puck up to shower while the kids waited for the pizza in the living room with Nickelodeon on the television. It was late enough that they'd be able to put them to bed after dinner and a quick story. Finn grabbed a bottle of wine they'd picked up a few weeks back and put it on ice to chill. Then, he pulled out a few small candles and set them up on the patio to create at least an air of romance. Puck still hadn't come back down by the time the pizza came, so Finn took care of feeding the kids too. He just stepped into the kitchen when Gracie brought her plate in and announced that she was sleepy.

"I'll tell you what," Finn proposed to Puck. "If you give Jack his medicine, I'll get her to bed. Then I'll take Jack and we can have a quiet dinner on the deck. What do you say?"

Puck's hazel eyes twinkled with something familiar. "Yeah, we could do that."

Fifteen minutes later, Finn had read through one of the many Seuss classics on Gracie's bookshelf and flicked on her new rainbow nightlight. He then went down the hall to find Jack already snoring lightly on his stomach. He rearranged the blankets around his son's shoulders and pulled the door most of the way closed. He eventually found Puck sitting quietly on the deck.

Finn grabbed a manila file folder off the dining room table as well as the pizza box. He laid them both down on the wrought iron table with a happy smile and then disappeared back in the house to retrieve the bottle of chilled wine and a pair of glasses. He uncorked the bottle expertly and poured the goblets half full. Clinking his lightly against Puck's in a silent toast, he thoughtfully sipped the chardonnay and enjoyed the sounds of their neighborhood slowly winding down for the evening.

"This is nice," Puck mused as he pulled a slice of sausage and mushroom from the box. It was Finn's favorite and had become Puck's too. "I feel like we haven't had much time just the two of us lately."

"I know it's been busy," Finn replied apologetically. "We need to get better about using the sitter. I know that we both like being home with them, but it's important that we get some time just the two of us."

Puck took a big bite of his pizza and shrugged. "I don't mind it most of the time; today was just extra hard," he admitted. There were still moments where he wasn't quite used to having people around all the time. He would never tell Finn that because he loved it. However, it was difficult to go from a decade of military solitude to a houseful of being on all the damn time. "But I still think I like the thought of some time alone. We're engaged and I know you've done that before but I feel like we should be enjoying this more."

"Hey, I've never done this before," Finn argued lightly. "Not with you and that's all that matters here. I'm sorry that I haven't been doing enough. I know you'll say it's okay but it's not. I should have been around to help you with more." Puck seemed satisfied by this answer and reached for Finn's hand. "And as much as I want to enjoy it, I want to be married to you more."

It hadn't even been a year, and Puck still sometimes feared that it was too fast. However, in moments like these, where Finn was looking at him as if he was the most precious thing in the world, Puck was sure that their timing was spot on. "I want to be married to you too," he replied honestly, for once not at all concerned how wimpy or sappy it sounded. He stood up to grab Finn's class for a refill, but the taller man pulled him down into his lap. They rarely did this but when they did, Puck secretly sort of loved it. He liked the times where Finn made him feel wanted, made him feel safe. "I don't want to make it this formal affair, man. I just want you and me in jeans and the kids and our moms. Everything else feels, I don't know, so unnecessary."

"So that's what we'll do," Finn agreed. "We'll wear jeans and t-shirts. It will just be our family. My parents, your mom, Sarah, Jake, Blaine and Kurt – that's all the people I need as long as I got you and the kids there."

"And a cake because we promised Jack," Puck reminded him. "And Gracie wants to get a new dress."

"Chocolate cake and a princess costume, I think we can manage that."

After they had cleaned up dinner and check on the kids, the two of them went up to the master suite that they officially shared full time. The other room had been turned into a small gym space with a few free weights, a treadmill and a punching bag mounted against the wall. Puck shucked off his old jeans while Finn brushed his teeth. Finally, thankfully, Puck collapsed onto the king-sized mattress next to his fiancé with a very tired sigh.

"Hey," Finn murmured softly, drawing Puck up against his chest. He pressed a kiss to the top of the man's head. Puck was slowly but surely starting to grow his hair out a little. It was longer than Finn ever remembered, the sure-tell sign of curls just starting to show around his ears. It was adorable. "Think you can sleep this early?"

Puck nodded a little as he fisted his shirt in Finn's shirt. "Maybe if you sing to me," he answered softly. It was something he rarely heard Finn do. It had hurt to sing for a long time after he lost Rachel and by the time it hurt less, it had stopped being such a big part of his routine. He did it all the time at school, when he was practicing runs with the students or showing them how to do a certain part on a song, but he didn't really do it much at home anymore. "I mean, if you don't mind."

"Of course not," he whispered. He pressed another kiss into Puck's hair. "Got any requests?"

"I don't know," he muttered back sleepily. "Something that reminds you of me, something that is only mine."

Finn understood what he meant. He didn't want a love ballad that he had sung back in high school when Rachel or Quinn had been the inspiration for every lyric of every song. He slipped his free hand beneath the hem of Puck's shirt and rested it on his flat stomach, his other wrapped firmly around the man's sturdy frame.

"To be alone with you, just you and me. Now won't you tell me true, ain't that the way it ought to be? To hold each other tight, the whole night through, everything is always right when I'm alone with you," Finn sang softly, his voice quiet and sure in Puck's ear. "To be alone with you at the close of the day, with only you in view while evening slips away. It only goes to show that while life's pleasures be few, the only one I know is when I'm alone with you."

"Mmm, Bob Dylan," Puck murmured appreciatively. "Classic."

Finn nodded, his chin brushing Puck's temple, as he went on. "They say that nighttime is the right time to be with the one you love," he continued. "Too many thoughts get in the way in the day, but you're always what I'm thinkin' of. I wish the night were here , bringin' me all your charms, when only you are near to hold me in your arms."

Puck turned on his stomach and gazed down at Finn as he finished the song. "I always thank the Lord when my working day's through. I get my sweet reward to be alone with you."

"I love that song," Puck said between kisses over Finn's eyelids, cheek, lips and throat. Finn always loved Puck most like this, open and raw above and around him. He knew he'd be a very rich man if he could bottle this kind of intoxication. "I love you."

"Never get tired of hearing that," Finn whispered before claiming Puck's mouth again briefly.

They made love after that, quietly and slowly, in a way that only came with true intimacy. Puck held Finn afterward, this time his head finding his way onto Puck's chest. Finn played with Puck's hands, threading and rethreading their fingers together in a precise, rhythmic pattern. Puck hummed the old Bob Dylan song softly beneath his breath, Finn knew that "To Be Alone With You" had always been one of his favorites.

"Four months and one day," Puck said before he drifted off to sleep. They only had to wait four months and one day.


	17. Chapter 17

The Puckerman and Hummel families touched down in sunny San Francisco three days before the wedding. Both Finn and Puck could freely admit that they had little idea what was going on at that point, happy to leave the details up to Blaine and Kurt so they could focus on things like Gracie's tap recital and Jack's last soccer game of the season. Blaine had sent an email with an outline of things they'd have to do once they arrived from New York and Kurt had shipped honest-to-god storyboards complete with pastel sketches that illustrated how the ceremony looked. Finn turned them every which way trying to decipher which of the badly drawn figures he was supposed to be and Puck just shoved them behind the dryer without ever taking them back out of the package.

"You realize he is going to quiz you, right?" Finn asked steadily, remembering the way that Kurt had questioned him when he married Rachel and during their parents' wedding before that. "Trust me, bro, you do not want to get on Kurt's bad side when it comes to his party planning."

Puck looked up from where he was making Jack's lunch and barked out a loud laugh. "First of all, I am not afraid of Beyonce or the Hobbit. In case they have forgotten - in case you have forgotten - this is our wedding. I don't have to pay attention to anything unless I want to. Or unless you want me to, I guess, but you don't really seem to care."

"Well, I guess that's true."

"And, babe, I have told you repeatedly, you have got to stop calling me bro," Puck went on. "I'm good with dude and man, but I think we gotta draw the line somewhere. It's just too weird hearing you call me that considering that's what you call Chang and Wheels when we're kicking their ass at COD online."

It was one of the few remnants of the shift in their relationship that Finn hadn't quite gotten used to yet. He was used to Puck calling him babe and the butterflies that danced in his stomach every time the former military man found his hand in a crowd. He was used to the lopsided smiles they got from the mothers at school, the ones that wondered just how hot the two of them were together. He got used to the taste of mint and coffee and Noah. He got used hearing the low groan in the morning when Finn inevitably tucked his giant popsicle toes beneath Puck's warm calves. He just couldn't get used to not calling him bro.

The conversation dropped and the two of them hustled the family out of the house for another busy day. Puck would be heading over to SFO to pick up his ma, Jake and Sarah first before making a repeat trip in the late afternoon to get Blaine and Kurt once he'd collected Gracie from preschool. Finn would make another visit to the busy airport once he got off work so that he could pick up his parents with Jack. They had a big dinner planned to welcome everyone into town, which they'd both been looking forward to. They were also looking forward to the inevitable sleepover the kids would beg to have with one of their visitors. The kids loved hotels and Puck could really use some quiet time alone with Finn before the wedding.

"Noah!" Puck heard a loud voice call as he waited idly outside the security gate. People speaking every language imaginable milled around the busy area, but he could hear his mother's voice about every single one of them. "Look, Sarah, he's over there."

"I see Ma," Sarah said much quieter, her eye catching Puck's as she sauntered over to him. She allowed her mother to sweep him up into a tight embrace before moving into hug him. "Jake's right behind us. There was this girl."

Puck grinned in the way that he used to when he was younger and there had been a girl. It's the way he now looks at Finn. "How ya doin, Sar?"

"Happy to see my brother," she mused with a genuine smile. "I can't believing you're getting married."

"I can't believe you're marrying Finn," Jake added as he came up behind his siblings. They reached out in one of those complicated and somewhat awkward bro-hug things that mostly consisted of Puck sort of pounding Jake on the back. "I mean, dude, don't you miss girls?"

"Nah, Finn's more than enough," Puck said fondly before reaching out to take his mom's bag. "What do you guys say that I take you by the house so you can see it? We can have a quick lunch before I have to go get Gracie from school."

Puck's phone rang as he led his family through the masses of people to where the Jeep was parked in the short-term lot. He managed to pull it out of his coat and load the luggage into the trunk at the same time. "Go for Puckerman."

"Can't wait until I hear you telling me to go for Hudson," Finn purred into Puck's ear. It was supposed to be alluring but was mostly clumsy, kind of like Finn himself, but it always worked for him. "Did they get in okay?"

"Yeah, we're just headed to the house now," he answered before smiling at his sister and then his brother. "Jake met a girl."

Finn chuckled happily on the other end of the line. "I just wanted to check in and to remind you that you need to sign the updated emergency forms when you pick up Gracie. Do you need me to bring anything home?"

"Just you," Puck answered before adding, "Maybe some beer."

"You trying to get me drunk, babe?"

"Might get lucky that way," Puck teased. "I'll see you in a bit, yeah?"

"Yeah, definitely," Finn replied. "Love you."

"Love you," Puck retorted. He climbed into the Jeep to a chorus of awws from his brother and his mom. Sarah just rolled her eyes and pretended to gag. "Whatever, you're just jealous. My man's hot, Sar, you should find you one."

Several hours later, after the forms had been signed and Kurt and Blaine had finally gotten to the airport after some kind of weather delay in Oklahoma City, Finn and Jack came back to the house with Carole and Burt in tow. The next several minutes were spent exchanging hugs, Gracie immediately swept into Burt's arms while Carole doted over Kurt and Blaine. She then moved over to hug Puck tightly and kiss Gracie. Burt must have held onto his son for a good five minutes before he'd let go.

"This is nice," Finn said, surveying the room. "I am really glad that you guys all came out here to share this with us."

Dinner went off without a hitch and then Carole and Burt were begging off in exhaustion. They gave Puck's mom a ride back to the hotel with Gracie strapped into the backseat beside her for a sleepover. Jack had begged to stay with Jake, however. Puck handed over the keys to his Jeep so that he could drive Sarah and Jack back to the hotel. Kurt and Blaine stayed around a little bit longer before taking a cab back to the hotel as well. Finn collapsed into his favorite recliner in the living room, beer already in hand, just as Puck shut the door behind them.

"Our fuckin' family," Puck snorted as he screwed the lid off a bottle of his own. He tapped the neck to Finn's and took a greedy swallow of the amber ale. "I love them so much, but I have to admit that I've missed the quiet."

"Been awhile, huh?" Finn asked. He reached out blindly for Puck's wrist and brought him down into his lap. It shouldn't have worked, the two of them both so tall and sturdy, but they fit together right. "I know that stuff like tonight, the crowds and stuff, is still pretty hard for you, so thank you for doing it for me."

Puck shrugged. "It's not as bad as it used to be," he admitted. Things still got a little fuzzy when he got overwhelmed, the sure-tell sign that he still had some anxiety left over from the war that probably would never go fully way. However, when he started to feel like that, he could just look up and into Finn's coffee brown eyes and everything became clear. "It's different now that I have you."

Finn ran his fingers up Puck's arm, over his shoulders and then down his spine before he pressed a kiss to the side of his neck. "Everything's different now that I have you," Finn agreed. He never ceased to be amazed by the big and the small ways his life had changed since he had become Puck's other half.

"You want to finish this beer and take it upstairs?" Puck asked huskily. He never really bothered to hide his tone.

"I have somehing for you first," he said before nudging Puck out of his lap. He headed back to the dininr room and retrieved a manilla envelope. Puck could just make out their names typed onto the white sticky label affixed to the front of it. "I picked these up today."

Puck raised an eyebrow. "Oh, yeah? Is it the marriage license? I thought I had to be with you."

"You do; Kurt has it on the schedule for tomorrow afternoon," Finn reminded him. He lifted the flap and pulled out a stack of white legal documents. ""No, these are something else. Why don't you take a look?" He handed the papers over and Puck started to slowly scan through the documents. They were adoption papers. He flipped through them to the back page, surprised to see Finn's signature already there on the dotted line. There were two empty ones, one for him and another for a judge. "I thought that we could maybe see someone about it while we're at the courthouse tomorrow. I want to tie up any loose ends before we do this thing."

"Finn..." Puck looked up at his fiancé with wide, wet hazel eyes. His hands slid around Finn's neck as he dropped the papers into his lap. "I can't believe this is happening." They had been talking about it for awhile but he had honestly it would end up taking months. "I mean, are you sure? They already feel like they're mine, but I'd understand if you changed your mind. Have you talked to the Berrys? There's still so much that we haven't decided."

Finn pressed a finger to Puck's lips. "I talked to Hiram and Leroy two days ago. It's hard for them but they're happy for us and for the kids," he reassured him. "And of ouse I am sure, Noah. You're their dad. We don't need a piece of paper to know that, they don't either. This is just something so that the rest of the world knows exactly what you mean to us."

"And what's that?" he inquired, clearly fishing.

"Everything," Finn said. "You're everything to us."

"Fuckin' amazin'," Puck cursed. He slid his fingers into Finn's short locks and drew him up into a kiss. He pressed his forehead to Finn's when he pulled back. "Can't wait to marry you."

"Two days," Finn whispered with another kiss. "Upstairs now?"

Puck bit down on his bottom lip. "Uh, yeah."

Their lovemaking was quiet and slow, passionate and complete. It was different from what they usually preferred, lacking the desperate edge that always seemed to come from too-little time and the presence of their sleeping kids down the hall. Finn allowed himself to be louder, Puck a little more open. And when it was over, Finn pressed a kiss to the jagged scar on Puck's ribcage and followed him into a deep, dreamless sleep.

"Daddy we're here!" they heard Jack call all too early the next morning. "C'mon, Dad, we brought doughtnuts."

"Honey, they're home," Puck whispered teasingly into Finn's ear. He pulled a pair of sweats from the floor and headed downstairs to give his fiance some time to collect himself. "Jack, how many of those have you already had?"

"Uncle Jake said I could have two," he protested. He also had a chocolate milk mustache. Puck was already dreading the inevitable sugar crash. "I got you one of those bear claws like you like and a powdered sugar one for Daddy."

"Thanks, Jack," he said, reaching out to pound the little boy's fist. "And thanks for giving my son all that sugar, Uncle Jake."

"Hey, blame Aunt Sarah," Jake said defensively. "She was the one with the craving."

"You're the one that paid," she pointed out. "And gave him the chocolate milk, I had water picked out for him."

"Whatever, it's fine," Finn announced as he padded into the ktichen in his bare feet. He went over to the backdoor to collect the newspaper and then started the coffeemaker. Finn bit into his doughnut and moaned appreciatively. He had been on a wedding diet these past few weeks, which Puck didn't really get, so this was the first bit of sugar he'd had in awhile. "Jack, buddy, these are delicious."

The little boy started to chatter excitedly, telling him all about the new movie he'd watched with Sarah last night. Puck kept half an ear in the conversation until he realized it was some kind of history documentary she'd needed to watch for school. Finn got swept up in the conversation, had always had a think for the Civil War since they'd gone to that reenactment in third grade, and Puck took the opportunity to slip outside to the deck with his cup of hot coffee.

"Your kid, man," Jake laughed as he followed his brother outside. "They're both great."

"They get it from their parents," Puck smiled, meaning Rachel and Finn.

"Yeah, they do," Jake said, and Puck knew that he meant him and Finn. "If I haven't already told you, thanks for asking me to be your best man tomorrow."

"Who else would it be, bro?" Puck asked, bumping his shoulder against Jake's. "For a long time, you and Ma and Sar were all the family I had. Now I got Finn and the kids and his family, how'd I get so lucky? I keep thinking I'm going to wake up from some fever dream in the dessert or God forbid, a field hospital. I never thought that I'd get to live the dream, at least not this one."

"You deserve it, man," he said, pausing so they could both listen to Finn laughing with Sarah and Jack through the open kitchen window. "You both do. You're not the only one who's lucky here. Finn and the kids are fortunate to have you."

"Thanks, man," Puck grinned. He slung his arm around his brother and then pulled back when he heard a car in the driveway. "I bet that's Carole and Burt with Gracie."

He didn't wait for Jake to reply before he was running around the house to get his little girl. she giggled when she saw him, jumping out of the car as soon as she was unbuckled. "Look, Dad, Grandma painted my fingernails!" she said excitedly, fanning out her little fingers in front of him. "Do you like them? They match my new hair bow for the wedding."

"They're beautiful, Gracie," he said, kissing her head. "Daddy and I missed you last night."

"Missed you too," she replied. She wrapped her arms around his neck. "Where's Daddy and Jack?"

"Inside with doughnut, you hungry?"

He took the way she squirmed out of his arms and ran into the house as a yes. He led Finn's parents and his mother into the house. They filtered into the kitchen but Puck stopped short when he spotted Gracie sitting in Finn's lap eating a doughnut, Jack in the chair facing them. That's my family, he thought. It will never get better than this.

And then Finn smiled up at him and it got a little bit better. It became pretty much perfect six hours later when the adoption papers were officially signed and Jack reached for his hand as they headed out of the courthouse. Finn had his arm wrapped around Puck's waist, Gracie resting on his other hip.

"This is our family," he told Finn. "It doesn't get better than this."


	18. Chapter 18

"Daddy, I can't find my left shoe."

"Finn, have you seen Gracie's hairbow?"

"Puck, bro, what times are we supposed to be there again?"

"Dad, Aunt Sarah can't find my hairbow!"

"Noah, Finn, honey, Burt and I are here!"

"Finn, did you get the silk ascot I set out for you?"

"Guys, ignore Kurt, please; you can wear the ties that came with your suits."

Finn and Puck stood staring at each other behind their locked bedroom doors. Blaine and Kurt had been there early to help get the kids up, and their parents hadn't been too far behind. Sarah and Jake had rolled in last and somehow ended up assigned to help dress Gracie and Jack. The two grooms had been hiding out in their room all morning to avoid the chaos. They knew it wasn't really fair to leave their families with the burden of the final prep details, but neither of them honestly had the energy to listen to another one of Kurt's demands, Carole's tearful speeches or Jack and Gracie arguing over who was going to walk down the aisle first.

"I'll give you whatever you want if you go out there and deal with it."

"I have a better idea," Puck declared before pulling his phone out of his back pocket. They weren't anywhere near to being dressed. They still had an hour before they needed to leave for the beach, and the last thing either of them wanted to do was have to iron their pants to avoid Kurt's rant about their carelessness. Finn watched as his fingers moved swiftly across the touchscreen. "There, I put Blaine on it. He'll get Burt to help him out with Kurt."

"It's not too late to elope, is it?"

"We can't leave the kids without an explanation. It'd break Gracie's heart if she didn't get to throw the petals," Puck smiled. "Besides, I want to show you off. It's not too often that you get dressed up all pretty for me. We at least need a decent family photo of the four of us."

Finn thought briefly of the last time he had sat for a family portrait. It had been about two months before Rachel passed away when some New York magazine had wanted to do a lifestyle piece on the famous Broadway actress and her ordinary suburban family. He had hated immediately and the kids hadn't been much better. However, they all three loved Rachel and knew how excited she was to get the glamorous press. She had worked with Kurt for days on picking and coordinating just the right photos for all of them. The photo was still framed and on the mantle in the den.

He missed Rachel today more than he did most days. He would be lying if he said that she hadn't been on his mind all week. He had spoken to her in his mind nearly every step of the way, begging for her understanding as he watched Puck sign the adoption papers and then again when they got the marriage license. His heart knew that Rachel would be happy for him – for all of them really – but that didn't stop him from worrying that it would also hurt her. Finn didn't think he'd ever get over that part really; it felt like one of the few remaining curses he'd always have to carry with him as a widower. However, even despite all that, he knew that he was making the right decision and that he loved Puck as deeply (although differently) as he had Rachel.

"Yeah, a family picture will be good," he agreed finally. "I have just the perfect place on my desk at school, and I think that it's about time we add another photo to the mantle."

Puck slid his hand beneath the hem of Finn's shirt so that his hand rested flat on his warm stomach. Finn couldn't help but shiver a little beneath his tender touch. "If you're not ready for this, I'll understand," he said softly. In reality, he could acknowledge that not all that much time had passed. It would hurt him to delay it but he'd do it for Finn. He still felt it was all inevitable, but he wanted Finn's head and heart to be completely in it before they got married. Any ounce of doubt in either mind could be toxic to the future of their relationship. "I mean it, Finn, we can wait however long you need or want."

"No, no, I'm ready," he assured Puck strongly, and the other man knew that he meant it. "I love you so much, Noah, I don't want to lose another day of not being married to you. It can slip away so easily, you know? I don't want to waste any of the time we have together."

"Dude, we talk about our feelings way too much," Puck chuckled, shaking his head. "Alright, let's divide and conquer. You take Gracie and I'll get Jack. I'll meet you down in front after a bit. What do you say?"

"I'll be the other one in a tux," Finn smiled.

The two of them bumped fists and then kissed briefly before unlocking the door. Just before he twisted the knob open, Puck turned back and smiled at Finn with every ounce of emotion he could muster. "Hey, Finn?"

"Hmmm?"

"Love you too."

Two hours later, after Puck had found Gracie's hairbow in the drawer where they kept the kids' snacks and Finn retrieved Jack's shoe from a crate of basketballs in the garage and Kurt had managed to wrangle Finn into the stupid ascot after all and Blaine had stopped Puck from punching Kurt when he tried to get Puck into one too, the Hummels and the Puckermans and the Hudsons all made their way to the beachfront cove for the ceremony.

"Alright, Gracie, you're going to walk toward Jake and me when the music begins," Kurt reminded the little girl as they lined up for the procession. He had arranged for Finn and Puck to come down last so as to not see each other in the brief time before the wedding began. "Jack is going to walk beside you. Do you guys got it?"

"You've told us a million times, Uncle Kurt," Gracie rolled her dark eyes.

"Honey, I think they understand what they're supposed to do," Blaine said soothingly. He would be glad when this wedding was over as much as Finn and Puck would be. "Gracie, here's your basket. Jack, just hold up the pillow and try to smile so Aunt Sarah can take your picture."

"Fine, whatever," Jack mumbled. If he didn't know better, Blaine would swear that the moody child belonged to Puck sometimes rather than Finn. "Can we hurry up? I'm ready for cake. Dad said that I could have two pieces, okay, Uncle Jake? Don't forget to remind him."

"Got it, man," Jake promised, clapping his hand over the boy's shoulder.

"Alright, alright, places everybody!" Kurt said excitedly. Considering that there were only two people not involved in the procession, they all just stood their awkwardly and stared at him. Sarah was waiting near the altar with a camera and Burt was folding and refolding the piece of paper he was to read from on the other side of the aisle. "Music, go!"

Blaine rolled his eyes before pressing the button on the portable stereo they'd dragged out with them to the beach. An orchestral arrangement of Bad English's "When I See You Smile" filled the air. It was incomparably cheesy, but Finn had insisted on it.

Kurt and Jake glided the aisle side by side, Kurt marching in perfect time as he had at his own wedding and Jake just sort of shuffling along at an awkwardly precise pace. "Slow down, Jake," Kurt criticized out of the corner of his tight mouth. Jake rolled his eyes because, really, there were like three people and a bunch of seagulls watching. "Seriously, Jake, do you not know how to keep time?"

Jake ignored Kurt as he took his place on the left side of the altar a few feet away from where Sarah was playing photographer. He smiled up at the minister and then back to where Gracie and Jack were starting their way up. Gracie took two steps and dropped a small handful of white rose petals just like she had practiced with Kurt. Jack clutched the pillow as tightly as he could, believing that the actual rings were on there even though they were tucked safely in Jake's and Kurt's pockets. Gracie gave up halfway down the aisle and dumped the rest of the rose petals on the sand below before running into Jake's arms. Jack managed to keep up with his instructions for the most part and was relieved when Kurt bent down to whisper that he had done a good job.

Finally, Finn appeared out of nowhere and waited for his cue. He looked excited on his mother's arms, having that same childlike energy that Kurt remembered from high school. He smiled fondly at his brother, the tears already threatening to fall. They had come so far these past several years and there was no one he would rather share parents with than Finn.

"I'm so proud of you, Finn," Carole whispered as they neared where the family was waiting at the altar. "Rachel would be too, honey. She'd just want you to be happy. Noah makes you happy, never let yourself forget that."

"Thanks, Mom," he said when they reached the altar. He leaned over and kissed his mother's cheek. "I love you."

Everyone turned as the music peaked, indicating that Puck had finally arrived. He caught Finn's chocolate eyes and grinned a smirk that Finn would swear came straight out of his sex shark phase senior year. All those clichés came true in that moment, fireworks exploding and time standing still and everything fading away. It was just him and Puck then and there, and everything that came before it suddenly (perhaps finally ) didn't matter.

"Thanks for being here, Mom," Puck said softly as he took her arm and started toward Finn. "I know that this hasn't been the easiest thing to accept, but I'm glad that you love my family."

"I'll always love the people you choose to love, Noah," she promised with a whisper. "Sarah and I and Jake, sweetheart, we're always going to be there for you. We're all three so, so proud of the man you have become."

Puck kissed his mother at the front just as Finn had before she slipped to stand off to the side beside Sarah. Finn finally turned to Noah, taking his shaking hands in his. Puck brushed his thumb over Finn's palm reassuringly, winking a little as the minister welcomed everyone to the ceremony. Finn smiled then, letting go with one hand to draw Jack to his side. Gracie came around to wrap her arms around one of Puck's legs. They were all connected now, legally and physically and emotionally and spiritually.

"Today, we are gathered here to witness the commitment and marriage between Noah Elijah and Finn Christopher. What a blessed occasion when two men commit their lives to one another with the presence of their families, "the minister said, smiling happily down at the couple. "This ongoing love and support is a critical part of building a strong foundation, and we are privileged to participate in a ceremony celebrating the love Finn and Noah have for each other."

"Knowing that our presence is here with them, we are saying that Finn and Noah together are loved not only by each other but by so many others," she continued. "We come together not to mark the start of relationship but rather to celebrate a bond that has continued to change and grow and strengthen in love. For love is one, but its expressions are infinite."

"Now, the father of the groom will share a special reading he selected for Noah and Finn," she said before looking over at the waiting senator. "Burt?"

"When I started to think about what I wanted to say here, I had to consider Finn and Puck not separately but as one. They have different beliefs of faith and different ways of looking at life. What is the same, however, is their love for one another," Burt explained, looking first at Puck and then at his son. "This is from 'A Friendship Caught Fire' by Laura Hendricks."

"Love is friendship caught fire; it is quiet, mutual confidence, sharing and forgiving. It is loyalty through good and bad times. It settles for less than perfection and makes allowances for human weakness," Burt read. "It is the day-in and day-out chronicles of irritations, problems, compromises, small disappointments, big victories and working toward common goals. If you have love in your life, it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you do not have it, no matter what else there is, it is not enough."

"And now, Finn and Noah will share their vows not only to each other but also to Jack and Gracie."

Finn looked at Puck and smiled shyly. "Dude, I look at you and I still see my best friend. So much of my life is wrapped up in you and we might have lost a few years in there, but I know that we have found our way to each other again," he told him. "Today, I stand before our family and God and promise to be a true and faithful husband. I will be there to comfort you, rejoice with you and endure life's challenges with you. My love for you and our family is unconditional, and I commit myself to you from this day on."

Puck brushed tears away from his hazel eyes before he continued with a quivering voice. "I never thought that I would get married. I was destined to walk this world alone. And yet, here you are, and I can't imagine every feeling alone again," he said to Finn. "Today, just like so many days before this, you are a part of me. Your sorrows are mine, your joys are mine, your cares are mine. Most importantly, your heart and your children are mine. I promise to be a faithful husband and father and that we will face life together as a family for years to come. I commit myself to you and our children from this day on."

"Do we have the rings?" Puck asked. Finn turned to Kurt to get the brushed metal band he had picked out for Puck while Puck took the band he'd used to proposed to Finn from Jake. "Finn and Noah, please exchange these rings an unending symbol of your love and devotion for one another and your children." Puck and Finn carefully exchanged rings, holding onto one another's hands as they looked at the minister expectantly. "And now, by the power invested in me and by the state of California, I officially declare you married."

Puck and Finn didn't wait for the requisite instruction to kiss one another before their lips met. It was polite but meaningful, like the church tongue Puck had pointed out to Finn while they watched "The Wedding Singer" on cable the previous week. Once they had pulled away, Finn swept Gracie into his arms and Puck leaned over to hug Jack. The four of them ended up in a tight hug, Finn and Puck on their knees with the kids pressed between them. Somewhere, Puck could hear Blaine singing in the background.

"Oh, you make me live. Whatever this world can give to me, it's you, you're all I see. Oh, you make me live now, honey, oh, you make me live," Blaine sung, his beautiful voice flittering through the sea air. "Oh, you're the best friend that I ever had. I've been with you such a long time. You're my sunshine and I want you to know that my feelings are true. I really love you. Oh, you're my best friend."

Afterward, when Jack is on his second piece of cake and Gracie is dancing on top of Burt's shoes and Sarah and Blaine are singing together into some bedazzled microphone that Kurt managed to sneak into his suitcase when his husband wasn't looking and their mothers are sipping coffee while they watch the whole thing go on, Finn and Noah whisper their love to one another and kiss beneath the setting sun and dance the night away.

* * *

_Author's Note: Credit to Queen for "You're My Best Friend," various wedding sties for the help with the vows and Laura Hendricks for the aforementioned reading._


	19. Chapter 19

_One year later..._

Puck reclined back against his forearms and smiled as Jack ran by happily, kicking up a small flurry of sand onto his bright blue and green beach towel. He watched as the little boy, now six, threw the fluorescent yellow disc across the beach toward his sister. Gracie tried and failed to catch it, but Finn wasn't too far behind to retrieve it before it got swept away by the incoming tide. Another girl, this one with a cute button nose and mischievous hazel eyes, laughed loudly, her voice echoing up into the warm afternoon sun. Their new dog, Harper, darter happily between the four Frisbee players, yapping excitedly as he chased the disc from person to person.

"You know that your husband cheats at this game," Beth complained as she collapsed onto the pink towel next to Puck. "I mean, seriously, Dad, he doesn't even let Gracie beat him. I thought you were competitive but Finn takes the cake."

He smirked up at his daughter and shook his head. "You know that it's really nice to have you out here for a visit," he told her, reaching over to rub his hand over her forearm affectionately. Beth smiled prettily and it reminded him so much of Quinn at that very age in the moment that it almost took his breath away. "I know it's just for a few days but I'm really glad that you could make it out here before the baby is born. It's good for Gracie and Jack to get some special one-on-one time with their big sister."

Beth was thirteen now, living in New York City while Shelby directed a string of successful musicals on Broadway. Finn had helped them reconnect about six months, and the teenager had welcomed her biological father into her life with open arms. She had small fleeting memories of the letters and gifts he used to send before he stopped. A little warning from Shelby and a long, honest conversation from Puck later and she had fallen in love with the Hudson family. Gracie had taken to her immediately, and Jack basically regarded her as the older sister he had never had. Finn especially seemed to adore her and the admiration was quite mutual on Beth's end.

His oldest daughter's reappearance in his life had coincided with a reunion of sorts with Quinn. While they were far from being as close as they were when they were just two kids in Lima, Puck and and the former cheerleader had bonded once again over wanting to be part of their daughter's life. Puck had even flown out east for a long weekend spent with just the girls. Though he didn't want the separation of the two families to become a regular thing, he had cherished that time with Quinn and Beth. It had also given him a glimpse at what life could have been like if things had been a little different, and as his husband ambled over to take a swig of Puck's soda, he was glad that they had ended up just as they had.

And soon, they would be adding a fourth to their brood. A few months after they had gotten married and just before Puck reunited with Beth, Finn and his husband had sat down to talk about growing their family. They had briefly discussed adoption, knowing that there were so many children in the world who needed a good home; however, in all his impatient wisdom, Finn had wanted Puck to have a child of his own. He had explained that he had Beth somewhere (which was the catalyst to Finn contacting Shelby eventually), but Finn had worried that wouldn't be enough. It hadn't been an easy decision, but they ended up electing to pursue surrogacy.

It could have been a long process, but within a month, Puck had made his required deposits and they had entered into an arrangement with a beautiful graduate student named Brooke who was using the whole thing as part of her thesis. She got pregnant immediately, and Puck's mother cried when they told her the news. Gracie and Jack had mostly been confused, and Kurt had immediately starting planning the baby shower he wanted to throw for the newlywed couple. Thankfully, Blaine and Burt were able to reign him in early, but the same couldn't be said for the shopping spree that Carole had gone on. The nursery had been fully stocked within three months and with just four weeks to go before the baby's planned drop date, the family was excited.

"Gracie, come here so we can put some more sunblock on your shoulders," Finn called out to his four-year-old daughter. She smiled and ran over dutifully, her long ponytail swishing in the air. "Why don't you get something to drink too?"

"Okay, Daddy," she said obediently, taking the bottle of flavored water from Beth's outstretched hand. "Thanks, Sissy."

Finn and Puck exchanged a touched look. "You too, buddy," Puck called out. "You could use for a touch up and some H2O. It's hot out here today, don't want you to dehydrate or burn."

"C'mon, Harper," Jack called after the dog. The beagle nipped playfully at his heels as they raced toward where the family had set up base camp on the beach. "Hey, did you tell Beth the news yet, Dad?"

"What news?"

"We found out that the baby is going to be a little girl," Puck said with twinkling eyes. They had initially wanted to wait, but impatience had sat in somewhere near the beginning of the eighth month. Besides, Finn had been looking at paint samples and it was really hard to pick a shade that was neutral without it being white. "We're taking recommendations on names."

"I still vote for Dr. McStuffins," Gracie said, pushing her bottom out in a signature pout that screamed Rachel Berry. Finn saw it immediately and laughed.

Puck reached out and smoothed his youngest daughter's hair. "I told you, sweetie, we can't name a baby that. Besides, what happens when you grow up and don't like that cartoon anymore?"

"Duh, I'm always going to like it, Dad," she told him smartly. "I want to be a doctor when I grow up."

"That sounds like a good plan, honey, but we're still not naming the baby that," Finn replied. "What about you, Jack?"

"I just wanted to have a brother."

Puck laughed loudly, remembering a time when he had said that about Sarah. He hadn't known about Jake at the time and had wished harder than anything that he could have a little brother. He had been decidedly disappointed when his mother had brought her home from the hospital in the stupid pink blanket. And then his mother had reminded him that he already had a brother because he had Finn as his best friend. Looking over at his husband, he was glad that only the first part of that equation had changed in the years since.

"Maybe next time," Finn said, reaching across to pat Puck's hand pointedly. They were already talking about a second child, one that would have Finn's DINA. "Beth, what about you? Do you have any names?"

"Let me think about it," she replied happily. "Does Dad have any recommendations yet?"

"Drizzle," Puck grinned. He looked at his daughter and then up at his husband. "It's what Finn here wanted to call you when you were born."

Beth had heard the story before many times but it was still one of her favorites. She still didn't know all the details over messy beginning, but she knew enough to understand that she had always been wanted by someone. Even when they were two scared teenaged boys, both Finn and Puck had wanted to be the father to the tiny, perfect baby girl. Quinn hadn't even really wanted to give her up, just wanted her daughter to have a better chance at life than any of the three of them could have given her at that point in time. Shelby had been a good, solid choice, and Puck could now look back at the situation with a certain wise gratitude.

"Dad, you can't name her that. All of the kids would make fun of her at school," she argued. "But you could name her Isabelle and call her Izzy for short. It's kind of close, right?"

"Isabelle," Finn exhaled, trying the name out. "I like it."

"Izzy it is then," Puck said, wrapping his arm around Beth's slender shoulders. He dropped a dramatic kiss on her forehead. "Thanks, kiddo, you're pretty smart."

"Like Mama, right?" she asked. It was the name that she used for Quinn as Mom was reserved for Shelby. Quinn and Puck had both cried the first time they heard Beth use the affectionate name for her birth mother.

"Just like your mom," Finn answered for his husband. "What about a middle name?"

"Well, I've actually thought of that," Puck said softly. He gazed up at his husband, brown eyes locking with hazel. "Isabelle Rachel Hudson, I think it has a nice ring to it."

Finn placed a hand over his mouth. "Rachel after Mommy?" Gracie asked excitedly. She tapped her little hand against her daddy's shin. "I like that, don't you, Daddy?"

"Me too," Jack declared.

"Your mommy would have loved it too," Finn added as he looked down at both of his children. He couldn't look back up at Puck just yet; he knew the tears would start to fall. "Isabelle Rachel Hudson, that's the perfect name for our little girl." Puck reached out and tilted Finn's slightly so that their eyes met again. "You know that you don't have to..."

"I want to," Puck assured him. "This little girl is going to know all about Rachel Berry-Hudson."

Four weeks later, on a quiet Wednesday morning, Isabelle Rachel Hudson made her grand appearance into the world. It wasn't dramatic or even particularly unique; it was a routine delivery of a healthy little girl who was the living embodiment of her father. Puck insisted that Finn be the first one to hold her, and his large hands had looked even bigger as he cradled Izzy in his arms. Sarah had flown into town that very night so that she could bring Beth out to California. Puck had picked them up from the airport and dropped his sister off at the hotel so that they could have their first night together with just the immediate family.

"She's so tiny, Dad," Beth said as she held her for the first time. She was situated in the middle of a little couch in the private room, Jack and Gracie flanking either side of her. "It's hard to believe that I was ever that small."

"You all were," Finn remembered. He could see each of them in those waning moments after birth. Beth had been quiet too, her fuzzy little hair hidden beneath a cap. Jack had come into the world squalling with wrinkly little fingers and eyes as dark as coal. Gracie had been a happy baby from her first breath, and he had sworn that she had smiled the first time Rachel had held her. "What do you think, guys?"

"She's pretty, Daddy," Gracie said without taking her eyes off her new sister. "Hi, Izzy, I'm Gracie. I am your big sister. That means that I get to tell you what to do but I'll also always share my toys with you."

"And I'm Jack, I'm your brother," the boy added. "I'll protect you and stuff but you have to keep your girly junk out of my room."

Puck leaned back against Finn's chest and sighed happily. "I can't believe I was alone two years ago," he said softly so that only his husband could hear. "And now, look at that. That's our family."

"One went to four," Finn said with a smile. "And then four went to five and now six."

"I guess that's what happens when you second guess your heart," Puck murmured as he watched Beth, Jack and Gracie fawn over Isabelle. "You realize it's not as closed off as you thought it was and you end up falling in love. "

Finn smiled against Puck's temple. "And then you live happily ever after?"

"And we all live very happily ever after."

**The End.**

* * *

_Author's Note: I started this story four weeks ago with the intention of completing a project for NaNoWriMo, and here I am, twenty-seven days and 50,000-plus words and a bevy of new friends later. I know that my decision to pursue this pairing wasn't preferred by many, particularly my outspoken Puckleberry fans. However, for those of you who followed along in this journey and fell in love with the Finn/Puck story as much as I did, thank you. Particularly, I want to thank my perpetual readers and reviewers - Ravenna, Tommy H, Leo Thing, Donna 14 and Marla's Lost (love you for quoting your favorite parts). Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends and a very happy holiday season to you all._


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